The future I want is to see a sense of security
01
To be honest, when a child loses his temper, what kind of state is your heart?
Is it restless, directly throwing a tantrum and shocking the child?
Or can you manage your emotions and accept your child's temper?
I think most parents are torn between the two.
Try to become a parent who can manage emotions, but this road is doomed to be difficult.
In the face of a child who loses his temper, do you have a moment when you want to beat up your child?
If you answer this question sincerely, I think most parents should answer yes.
These days, my son has a cold, which may be because of discomfort, and it is easy to collapse emotionally.
I obviously didn't criticize him, but I spoke in a higher tone, and he would show an angry look.
We who were worried about him would inevitably be angry in our hearts.
At noon, as he fenced the vegetable garden in the exercise book, I leaned over and pulled his book with my hand to see how he was doing.
Unexpectedly, I messed up a few fences he had just put together.
"I've had a hard time spelling it out!" Only to see him crying.
I saw that his emotions had gotten out of control.
"Dad didn't mean it, he really didn't notice which ones you spelled." I explained it to him.
Usually he would be calmer when he heard my explanation, but today it was useless.
I almost felt his cries fill the room.
Seeing him crying and coughing, I wondered if his throat would go dumb again.
At that time, I really wanted to lose my temper so that he could be intimidated by me and become obedient, at least not cry like this.
But I thought about it for a moment, still put up with it, and continued to explain to him: "I didn't lose your materials, nor did I damage them. ”
Then I apologized to him.
He cried a few more times, and he stopped.
I was almost broken, thinking that if it wasn't okay, I would leave first, let myself calm down and then come back.
Seeing him there calm, glad I didn't lose my temper.
Because what's wrong with him? It was because I messed up his stuff and made him lose control.
Many mothers say that raising children should be like this, always have this state of collapse and do not know what to do.
02
Many times, the temper of children hides many little secrets of growth.
Many mothers have told me that your son is really happy, has a good father like you, has a good temper, and has many ways.
Hearing this, I was actually ashamed.
Actually, where I have any way to speak, it's just that I spent enough time trying.
And my temper is very bad, it is acute, and sometimes it will bump into the child's emotions.
In the face of children's problems, we are often too impatient, eager to get rid of this bad feeling immediately, and are not willing to face this uncomfortable feeling.
For example, a child who is crying and crying is most likely to cause dissatisfaction among the people.
Even the people around you who hear it are indignant, so they point fingers at your children, saying that your education methods are improper, and how children should be taught.
Poorly bred people even help you train your children, and that bad feeling will envelop you in an instant.
How can it be so disobedient? I had to think of a way to get him to stop.
Mothers' innate patience can save their children a lot of harm.
But when it comes to dad's hands, the impatient dad often can't help but yell.
I really think that not yelling or screaming is the touchstone for parents.
Yelling only makes parents less effective.
03
What can we do in the face of a child who loses his temper?
First of all, we must not always see the shortcomings of the child, but let ourselves be able to accept the negative emotions of the child.
It is like looking at the sky at dawn - some people see that the night is layered with the sun, and there is only night in their eyes; others see the light behind the night, and their eyes are full of light.
We look at children, and the same goes for it.
When you see the light in them, the child can certainly see the shining self in your eyes, not the self who is always blamed and hit.
From a psychological point of view, when a person is in a state of anxiety, it is necessary to use the other person's ability to tolerate anxiety to release stress.
That is to say, if one party can accommodate the negative emotions of the other party, and after doing a certain amount of filtering, it is no longer harmful, and the party that produces negative emotions will also become positive.
For children, they are unable to process their emotions, resulting in infinite amplification of emotions, so there is always a moody feeling.
For parents, the ability to recognize emotions is often higher than that of children, so it is necessary to be more patient and tolerant of children as an emotional absorber.
04
The second is that parents should often reflect and think about whether their requirements are excessive.
The greater the gap between your expectations and your child's current situation, the greater your sense of loss.
Restlessness and anxiety fill the heart, and a grumpy temper is like a flood.
For example, a mother told me that she had yelled at her son.
Because I memorized English words for two hours, I could recite them myself, but my son still couldn't memorize them. She almost fainted, why is this happening?
I can imagine her state: hate iron is not steel! Feelings of loss and anxiety are mixed.
But she did not consider the child's receptivity, but used herself to compare with the child. This is an unfair comparison.
Some mothers will compare their children with their classmates and think that this is a fair comparison.
But it is actually unfair, because each child grows up in a different environment and has different strengths.
As a parent, you must always reflect on it, do you really respect your children?
Many times, parents will urge their children to hurry up, and children will feel that they are already fast.
Parents continue to urge: you hurry up! The child will think, how fast am I going to be?
It is better to give him a reference time, such as a minute.
Parents must work hard to read their children, learn to look at problems from the child's point of view, and figure out the cause of tantrums.
Parents who really understand their children can often solve problems invisibly.
Children under the age of 3 are still advised to "divert attention and skillfully follow his feelings and solve problems."
For example, when my son was two years old and didn't want to get dressed after taking a shower, I would allow him to roll naked in the quilt for a few laps, I know the reason is that he likes the feeling of being wrapped in a quilt.
Then, when he was in a good mood, he would put his arm around him and say that he was not wearing clothes and might be bitten by mosquitoes, and at this time, he would cooperate.
If you force the child to do it at the beginning, how to regulate how, suppress and threaten the child's obedience, it will only make the child's mood disorder.
When children grow up slowly, their ability will improve, but also can cope with a lot of setbacks, then the child's intellectual development is actually very complete, but the emotional control ability and expression ability is not strong, the need for parents to understand and guide.
05
Before you lose your temper, hold on for a minute and try to communicate in a different way.
Let go first, sometimes you need to walk around, to give each other a calm space.
When you really do this, you will find that you really have a lot of tempers that you should not have.
The child who loves to lose his temper is not looking for trouble for us, but only arousing the attention of his parents, or expressing his dissatisfaction or uneasiness, or even anger and protest.
It's like little hedgehogs, although they have thorns, they also need loving care, they need a hug.
These thorns of the little hedgehog are normal, and these negative emotions of the child are also normal, why not accept it?
When we think about it this way, it really hurts the child.
In many cases, it is the child who is normal, and it is the adult who is not normal.
What a child needs when he or she does something wrong is comfort.
Statement: This public account respects the original, the material comes from the network, good content is worth sharing, if there is infringement, please contact to delete.
Follow The Universal Brother
Together, help the people around you to improve!