The son's goal was to enter Qinghua Peking University, and he was ridiculed by his mother: If you can be admitted, I will run naked in the town!

1

Recently, in Wuxi, Jiangsu Province, a short video taken by a mother caused controversy among netizens.

In the video, the son's school bag is very messy, the test papers, paper are folded at will, and even the textbooks are graffiti and damaged.

However, when the mother opened her son's tattered textbook, she actually saw the words "Target Tsinghua and Peking University" on the back of the cover!

Then the mother looked up at her son, who was sitting at the table with Erlang's legs crossed, biting the pen and falling into thought, and launched a mocking skill: If you can be admitted to Tsinghua Peking University, your old wife and I will run naked around the town!

Netizens are also talking about this:

"There was a child who said he was going to take the Qinghua exam, his father said that if you were going to be admitted, I would buy a suite in Beijing, and the other child really got in, Dad..."

"My son's school bag was poured out like this, but it didn't conflict with him being the first in the class. His class teacher once said that he really read tens of thousands of volumes, and his pen was like a god. ”

"How déjà vu does this schoolbag feel, my daughter's schoolbag is also like this, the score jumps between 100 and 40 points, my heart is like a roller coaster, old excitement." 」

This mother seems to hope to stimulate her child's learning spirit through such expression, but in fact, it conveys a feeling of distrust.

As netizens said, it is good that children have ambitious goals.

No matter how unreliable a child's wishes are, parents should not laugh at them!

2

However, there are many parents in life like this mother, who like to treat their children with "percussion education".

Such parents often hold the view that "the child needs us adults to constantly remind him that if we always praise him, the child will be proud." I reminded him that it was for his good. ”

When a child achieves some success, parents may say, "Don't be proud, who is better than you." ”

When a child fails, some people will say to the child, "What am I saying, telling you not to be proud, now how?" Something went wrong! You're just too proud and complacent! ”

But they don't know that sometimes when they hit the child so often, he will one day not be able to bear it, and eventually give up on himself: because he can't meet the requirements anyway, then everything he is doing now is meaningless.

Previously, an episode of CCTV's "Psychological Interview" was impressive.

The protagonist, Fan Chengjin, 33 years old, has not looked for a job since graduating from college, and has stayed at home for ten years.

In front of the camera, she and her parents complained to each other, and almost every word had to be tit-for-tat.

She said she liked carving, and her mother interjected and retorted: "What's the use of liking that?" Like what, can't do anything. You have achieved nothing, you have achieved nothing! "You will do things in the future, I will kneel for you" "You have done things, dogs can do things"

Such a dialogue is actually the norm in the Fan family. In Fan Chengjin's memory, his parents are always so poisonous-

She recalls that when she was in junior high school, she liked to write and draw, and also designed clothes and sneakers, but when she showed them to her parents with great interest, all she got was cold and hot irony: "What's the use!" Read a book to go! ”

In Fan Chengjin's eyes, he has never been affirmed and praised by his parents, and he will always have only a blow.

Over time, she became less and less confident and more afraid to deal with others.

During college, working part-time at the supermarket, she was so nervous that she couldn't say a word when customers asked questions.

After graduation, she also looked for a job, but the symptoms of not being able to speak became more and more serious, which made her very distressed.

At this time, her family still gave her not support, but more fierce accusations and blows:

"You can do it in the future, I will kneel for you"

"You've done it, the dog has done it"

Later, she never looked for a job again in a huff, and remained unemployed at home.

The parents' behavior, like an invisible rope, tightly bound Fan Chengjin. Her inner energy is always suppressed, and her ego is always bound.

As for her parents, her heart is full of resentment. In the end, she completely gave up on herself and lived into the appearance she hated the most.

3

The Psychology of Self-Esteem says that a person's evaluation of himself will directly affect his core values and whether he has a positive attitude.

Children who have been denied and suppressed by their parents since childhood will, to a large extent, look for a sense of identity under the shadow of inferiority for a long time.

That feeling of inferiority has nothing to do with a person's age, experience, and achievements, and is often difficult to eliminate throughout their lives.

Helen Keller once said, "In the face of the sun, you leave the shadow behind you; with your back to the sun, you are forever silent in the shadows." ”

In fact, our children are not bad, smart and lively, well-behaved and sensible, but we often only see the shortcomings of children, and constantly complain.

We should think more about the child's strengths and give ourselves positive psychological cues, and things will go in the direction you expect. If you always compare your child's weakness with the strengths of other people's children, you can only make yourself and your children lose more and more confidence.

Here, Xiaobian would like to remind parents that appropriate crackdown on education is not impossible, but please remember that every child needs to be affirmed and recognized.

4

The philosopher James said, "The most ardent requirement of human nature is the desire to be affirmed." ”

Parents' affirmation and encouragement are like the sunshine shining on children's lives, which can sweep away the haze caused by all negative events.

However, recognizing and encouraging children is not as simple as saying "you are awesome".

Encouragement is also about methods, and children need encouragement, but they don't need vague praise.

Liang Qichao once wrote a passage to his daughter Liang Sizhuang, who was frustrated by not doing well in the exam:

"Zhuang Zhuang: I am satisfied with such results. Because you were originally improving for a year, competing with the foreign children who were promoted by rank, and being able to pass the sixteenth place in the thirty-seven people, it is really a shame for you. Don't be in a hurry, just work hard. ”

Not condescending, not aggressive, just trusting, just encouraging, just understanding. Under the influence of such a family style, Liang Sicheng's 9 children have achieved outstanding achievements in their own fields.

It can be seen that there is no absolute pattern in encouraging the recognition of children, the only thing that is needed is to be sincere and equal.

5

On the way to growing up, children will always experience the pain of tearing the skin and flesh again and again. The cold winters of those lives need to be crossed step by step by themselves, and no one can do it for them.

What our parents can do, in addition to always respecting, encouraging and supporting them, is to slow down and give them more spiritual nourishment.

May we all understand the true meaning of "love" and "education", cultivate children with light in their eyes and strong confidence in their hearts, and then watch him fly away with confidence to embrace the world!

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