"Emotional blackmailers can strike deeply into our hearts. They know that we cherish our relationship with them, know our weaknesses, and know the secrets of our hearts. This quote comes from psychologist Susan Foward's Emotional Blackmail.
For emotional blackmailers, once they can't achieve their goals, they use their intimate relationship with each other to force us to compromise.
Emotional blackmailers are often the people closest to us. In other words, emotional blackmailers are often relatives, even parents
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There will be a lot of emotional relationships in everyone' body, if there must be a sort, I believe many people will put family affection first. If you're still single, such a sort is basically no problem. But once you're married, or if you have a marriage partner, when it doesn't involve life, is affection still ranked first for love?
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If at this time, your parents use family affection to blackmail you, in terms of marriage requirements, put forward requirements beyond the actual ability of your lover. Will you choose to accept it in order to maintain the emotional relationship between you and your parents, so as to force your lover? In fact
Once you do this, you will not only have the best of both worlds, but will lose both affection and love
Just like Fan Shengmei in "Ode to Joy", she has given in again and again in the infinite blackmail of her relatives, and has paid bottomlessly again and again. In the end, she suffered in pain, without love, and her relatives were at ease and completely used her as a tool.
Li Yun was born in an ordinary family, she was obedient and sensible, her academic performance was good, and she should have been deeply loved by her parents. But it is a pity that her parents favor sons and daughters, and gave birth to her, not because of love, but because they wanted to help their son with one more person.
In other words, from birth, Li Yun was destined to live for her brother in the hearts of her parents
Although Li Yun has known from a young age that her parents favor sons over daughters, after all, the difference in treatment is too obvious, and anyone can feel it. But Li Yun foolishly thought that as long as he obeyed, as long as he paid more than his brother, his parents would eventually approve of him. So she did not continue to study after graduating from junior high school, but went to work to earn money to supplement the family, without any complaints.
It can be said that in addition to the marriage event, her life, until the age of 25, has not done anything against her parents' will. Li Yun's parents, good at emotional kidnapping, they always after Li Yun worked, in her some sense of her blind help to the family is not right, will take the family affection matter.
In order to maintain the affection between her parents, Li Yun can only compromise
She and her boyfriend, Zhao Gang, met at work. Zhao Gang, who is a few years older than Li Yun, has given Li Yun a lot of help in both work and life. Li Yun likes such an honest person who does not ask for anything in return, in fact, it is not surprising. The two are in love, and the feelings are also very sweet. But Li Yun's parents disagreed, for the simple reason that they did not want their daughter to suffer after marriage.
Zhao Gang's family is ordinary, coupled with his father's poor health, there are a variety of chronic diseases, can not earn money, not to mention, there are fixed monthly drug expenses. Therefore, in the case that Zhao Gang's income is still OK, his family situation can only belong to the middle and lower levels. In fact, it is understandable that parents do not want their daughters to marry people with poor economic conditions, and it is indeed out of heartache.
But Li Yun's parents, who prefer sons to daughters, certainly do not belong to this kind, and their obstruction is nothing more than the hope of using their daughter's marriage to get a large dowry, and the hope of making a little benefit after marriage has been disappointed. Under the guise of heartache, they hoped that Li Yun would marry the son of a person who opened a factory in the same village, completely ignoring this son, and there was a problem with his intelligence.
Fortunately, Li Yun, who has always been obedient to her parents' words, has an iron heart to marry this time, plus she found out that she is pregnant again. Therefore, the marriage of the two people, in the bumps and bumps, can only begin to proceed. Zhao Gang was very touched by Li Yun's persistence and pregnancy. In order to make Li Yun feel that she and her future in-laws did not look down on her because she was pregnant, but paid more attention to her.
I bought more jewelry than I said in the marriage discussion, and the grades such as wedding banquets and dresses were better than those agreed before.
Zhao Gang is willing to give everything to coax Li Yun to be happy, hoping that she feels that her persistence is not wrong. But he did not expect that his painstaking efforts were used by Li Yun's parents as a tool that could make progress
It may be that Li Yun's parents feel that Zhao Gang is more generous now, and the future son-in-law's family situation is not as bad as imagined. Or think that this future son-in-law cares so much about his daughter and the child in his daughter's belly, so why don't he take this opportunity to ask for a little more bride price? After all, after marriage, you may not be able to get benefits.
So the two disregarded their daughter's happiness, approached the wedding date, temporarily changed their minds, and proposed to Zhao Gang that the amount of the bride price should be increased. Originally said to be 30,000, now it is 100,000, if it can't be done, the bride will not appear at the wedding. Maybe for rich people, 100,000 is not too much, even if it is a little too much, gritting your teeth, it can also be taken out. But for Zhao Gang, it really belongs to a lot.
Because he had already exceeded the budget a lot in order to make Li Yun happy before, he actually didn't have much money in his hands. Not to mention that it is better to say good things, and it is more like deliberately difficult to change until the wedding date. The leak in the house happened to rain overnight, and Zhao Gang's father, who learned that the marriage had changed, had originally suppressed a fire in his stomach, and this next stimulus, he fainted, and was directly admitted to the hospital.
To put it bluntly, if Li Yun is a smarter girl at this time, she should be on Zhao Gang's side. Because she knows the actual economic situation of Zhao Gang best, she also understands that Zhao Gang has tried her best to save face. Since I chose to marry him in the first place, I should now solve problems with my boyfriend. Li Yun's heart was indeed clear, but her parents talked about family affection, and she fainted again, and she also felt that her parents were for her own good
So she and her parents complained about Zhao Gang, and even threatened her boyfriend with the child in her belly, saying: "For 70,000 yuan, you don't want the child in my belly?" Although the bride price is 70,000 more, we can get married smoothly, you don't have to worry about it." Zhao Gang is not a person inside and out, and while facing Li Yun's complaints, he is accused by his family because of the marriage and let his old father go to the hospital.
After a few weeks of stalemate, Zhao Gang chose family affection when Li Yun once again asked him to choose one of the two. He believes that since Li Yun chose family affection, there is nothing wrong with choosing family affection himself. He thought about his efforts in this relationship before and after, and he thought that he was not ashamed.
A person, when all the bad emotions accumulate to a certain extent, will be easily ignited, and Li Yun let him choose one of the two, which is the fuse. Zhao Gang suddenly felt that he did not love Li Yun and did not want to get married, he felt very tired, very tired. So he proposed to break up, saying that he chose affection.
Zhao Gang hopes that Li Yun can shed the child, after all, the two people can not get married in the end, and insisting on having a child is unfair to the child. Of course, Zhao Gang also said that if Li Yun insisted on giving birth to a child, Li Yun wanted a child, he would give child support, the child was for himself, and he did not need Li Yun to give child support. As for marriage, if Li Yun does not accept the breakup, marriage can also be done, but it is different from what was said before. If you still want to marry him now, then there is nothing, get a license to marry. How to choose, Zhao Gang said that he listened to Li Yun, and he cooperated.
It was only at this time that Li Yun suddenly realized that he had gone too far. But it was too late, no matter how she apologized, Zhao Gang was not moved, it was these few choices, let Li Yun choose himself. Li Yun regretted it endlessly, she really hated herself, how she listened to her mother's words and messed up her good marriage. Now she didn't know what she was supposed to do.
As stated at the beginning,
Emotional blackmailers are good at kidnapping others with emotions, and many times,
You know that the other party's requirements for you are inappropriate and beyond your ability to bear, but in order to maintain this relationship, you choose to accept. As a result, you become a person who has no bottom line to give
Li Yun in the text,
She obviously knows that her parents' requirements are wrong, but in order to get her parents' approval, in order to have a "mother's family" for herself, she persecutes her boyfriend. In the end, I ended up with a dilemma, no mother's family, and no "in-laws". I hope that we will not become "Li Yun", family affection and love, in themselves, can coexist, do not end up in tune
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