Wen/Lan Mama on parenting
There was a 6-year-old child named Hao Hao in the neighbor's house, who said to me very sadly the other day: "Auntie, woohoo, what if I can't get my daughter-in-law when I grow up?" At that time, when I heard this sentence, I was speechless and embarrassed, are all the children now so precocious? A 6-year-old child worried about not being able to get a daughter-in-law in the future?
So, I asked with some doubt: "Oh, little baby, how old are you, how come you are thinking about begging your daughter-in-law in the future?" ”
Hao Hao wiped his tears and said, "My mother said that I am dead and dead, and I will definitely not be able to get a daughter-in-law at the age of 35 like my cousin in the future."
Hearing this, I smirked and said, "No, we Hao Hao is still young, we have the opportunity to correct it, be a likable little friend, and there will be many people who like you when they grow up!" ”
After understanding, I learned that the original Hao Hao has a cousin who is 35 years old and has not yet married, it is said that this elderly leftover man usually has no less blind dates, nor less relatives, but the final result is not to be dumped, or to repent, in a period of failed emotions also left a deep emotional shadow for this cousin, but the family around him, especially the parents, have never been interrupted to urge marriage.
Speaking of marriage promotion, then the country story version is more, just like the cousin is 35 years old and not married itself is a sympathetic thing, but in the eyes of many relatives and friends, the cousin is not likeable, some people say that the cousin does not understand the romantic emotional intelligence is too low, some people say that the personality is too arrogant and indifferent, and some people say that the cousin is dull and cannot chat.
In short, under the tongues of relatives and friends, [can not please the daughter-in-law] and "not pleasing to people" have become conjoined brothers, so that Hao Hao's mother in the education of children disobedient when the cousin to scare the child, although the emotion, social and marital setbacks are quite related to a person's "unpleasant", but parents in the education of children do not recommend poking people short to scare children, after all, education pays attention to the importance of convincing people with virtue, especially the educational admonition of stepping on the pain of others is uncivilized as a model for people. At the same time, it is easy to leave children with a negative sense of wanton harm to others.
The old man often says: "three years old to see the old, three years old to see the old", although there are some changes in childhood and adulthood, but a person's way of doing things, personality and talk and behavior is like a habit to implement into the heart, if a child from a young age is particularly unpleasant, such as irritability, like to attack and hurt others, or arrogant and do not like to contact people, then the child will not grow up around the friends will not be too much.
From the perspective of life, the unlikable personality will indeed affect the good feelings of the opposite sex, including the life experience after cohabitation, but from the educational level, as a parent in the face of the boy's unlikable personality should find a way to correct, rather than intimidating the child, or pulling out the long-term problem of "not pleasing the daughter-in-law", after all, the child does not understand and does not know the real meaning, overemphasizing this problem will cause the child to reject and contact the opposite sex, affect social feelings.
So, what kind of boys are more likely to be liked?
Talented
Look around the adored, steady and handsome boys, many are mature and stable, and talented and assertive, once they encounter the field they are good at when they are full of charm, such as chatting with talented boys, you will find that although their conversation is more booked, but it gives people a feeling of being more relaxed and literary, especially talented boys are not only good at a certain skill, may be photography, playing ball, playing guitar, may also sing, cook or chat, In short, a more talented boy is more likely to leave a good impression and produce a plus than a boy who plays games at home all day.
The atmosphere is ripe
Atmospheric boys generally bring people the infectious power of sunshine optimism, and encounter things are not easy to fall into pessimistic negative emotions, the so-called "male three qi", ambition, confidence, arrogance, of which arrogance is not the most rich atmosphere, but the boy's atmosphere, arrogance, if a boy does anything like to be calculated, then the fearful character will have no arrogance, more lack of confidence, and it is not easy to leave people with atmospheric maturity confidence and confidence in walking.
Gentle and warm man
When watching idol dramas, most of the sunny and gentle warm men are particularly liked by the opposite sex, warm men are usually more likely to take care of others, always warm people's hearts in some small things, giving people the tenderness of unconsciously wanting to be close, and the gentle boy's temper is also relatively calm and stable, encountering things to find ways to solve, rather than losing his temper or taking shortcuts to hurt others, this gentle and warm man is also more likely to bring people around him a sense of security, so gentle boys are more likely, and there is often no shortage of friends around them.
Righteousness is responsible
It is said that "a good man must be responsible", responsibility also symbolizes the spirit and attitude of a man's growth, such as when friends around him encounter danger, boys who help each other are more popular, such children are not showing their ability, but with a passion, kindness, and sense of responsibility to deal with things, they give people the feeling that "this person can be treated", the important thing is that boys who fight righteousness are generally more ambitious, who does not like a boy with a goal, a positive, and a sense of responsibility?
Overall, from the level of boys who are easy to attract people to like, in fact, a little bit of bad, talented, mature atmosphere, and righteous responsibility, they are just some of the characteristics of children to attract people, more precisely these characteristics are derived from the child's character charm, character is emitted by human nature, quality cultivation, anyone can use clothing, hypocritical smile to beautify themselves, but the lack of character will only let people escape farther, Therefore, if you want boys to be pleasing to parents, you should pay more attention to your children's character education.
How to improve children's character education? "Adopted son 5 products" need to know that parents usually pay more attention to their children to be more pleasing
1, in charge
To cultivate children's character, parents usually need to start from small things as much as possible, such as learning to share this matter, many children are more [food protection] when they are young, do not like to share their favorite things, although this type of children may pay more attention to emotions, but children who do not know how to share happiness are easy to be selfish and overbearing, and they cannot experience social interaction well, including the happiness brought by feeling sharing.
At this time, parents can think differently, especially when dealing with children's interpersonal relationships, stand in each other's perspective to listen, such as: "Baby, I can understand the love and care you don't want to share, if your mother puts the ground on the cushion, so that you and the child playing with the toy on the cushion will not break, then can you still accept sharing with the child."
Of course, parents do not have to be too entangled or worried about the child still [do not share] this problem, after all, the child's mind is only understood by children, within the safe range of time to leave the children to experience by themselves, you will find that they will slowly get together in just five minutes, and in the process of getting along, even if there is a contradiction, parents do not rush to participate, let the child try to communicate and solve is the best character, and parents build on the level of understanding, analysis, advice and respect of the level of education, It can also be a good protection for the child's sense of responsibility.
2. Independence
Cultivating children's sense of independence is a gradual process, parents should try to let children [do their own things] in the child's growth and education, in the scientific cultivation of children's independent consciousness is the need to first understand the child's cognition of something, including the child's personal thoughts and emotions needs to slowly cultivate independence.
For example, children are about to go to kindergarten, they have some yearning for kindergarten, but the heart is still more worried about rejection, this time we need to understand the child's thoughts and emotions through the child's independence, if the child can usually eat and dress by himself, that is, the parents are not half a step away, then at this time when the child is about to go to kindergarten, parents usually try to create an independent opportunity to be separated from the parents for a short time.
For example, "Baby, Mom throws a garbage and comes back in 10 minutes", "I'm going to go to the market to buy vegetables, 30 minutes back", "Baby, I'm going to work, come back at night"..... And this extension from short to long time is to help children advise safety and independence in a short separation, when children can slowly accept the temporary separation of parents and mothers, their sense of independence will gradually play a role in [do-it-yourself], and grow into a responsible small expert who can be independent.
3. Perseverance
Perseverance character has a test of persistence or not for the growth of children, children with perseverance can face up to difficulties, and parents cultivate their children's perseverance from an early age, and they also have a good response to setbacks in the difficulties encountered in future growth, how to cultivate children's perseverance and character? We can cultivate from the aspects of understanding interests, setting goals, implementing plans, and physical exercise, the first three of which are interests, goals, and plans to awaken children's motivation, while physical exercise is to increase perseverance.
For example, like children who can insist on physical exercise, they generally suffer and will not appear to be sentimental, then they usually have a lot more confidence and perseverance in the face of difficulties, but it should be noted that perseverance lies in [insisting on a small step], interest is the first step to persistence, but interest is more often in the shape of waves, it is easy to lose the motivation to continue because of the deepening of difficulties.
Of course, in order to prevent children from suddenly getting tired of things that were originally interested, it is recommended that parents gradually trigger great interest from "insisting on a small step", including physical exercise, such as "today we only run 1 lap", the child will think that running is not only interesting but also very simple, the next day will consciously play to the third and fourth laps, as the difficulty gradually deepens, the child's perseverance will also increase.
4. Politeness
As the saying goes: "etiquette goes to the world", polite children leave a better impression as soon as they open their mouths, many successful people in suits and shoes look handsome and handsome, but full of inferior words make people very tired, such people are difficult to go to a high position no matter how talented they are, to know that the circle that cannot be integrated, no matter how hard they try, is in vain, so politeness is also an important character education in boys' liking.
How to cultivate your child's polite character? It can be said that the child's growth environment affects the child's context, usually parents need to lead by example, bring politeness into life, such as children to help take water to say "thank you", accidentally kicked the child to say "sorry", say "good morning" to the child in the morning, say "good night" to the child before going to bed..... This kind of etiquette-filled environment also makes children hear about it, and usually pass on these courtesies inadvertently in life.
5. Atmosphere
Speaking of likable boys, I don't know if any friends have had such a feeling, compared with those serious boys, boys with some bad things seem to be more popular, but it should be noted that the "bad" referred to here is not deliberately looking for mischievous "really bad", but everything is more open to talk funny and humorous, that is, atmospheric character.
In addition, the atmosphere of cultivating children is also affecting the pattern of children, and emotional intelligence, which can be seen from the basic interpersonal communication, such as the atmosphere of character of children in the social aspect of communication with people will avoid unpleasant things, specifically say some humorous and funny words to resolve embarrassment and dilemma.
For example, a boy is dissatisfied with this dress before going out, and dissatisfied with that dress, if the mother complains that "wear everything is the same, don't ink it", and the boy says: "I dress so handsome and I am not afraid of losing you, who makes my mother so beautiful", I believe that my mother can't get up no matter how big the fire at this time.
Cultivating children's atmospheric character, the same need parents to lead by example, starting from their own quality to improve, the "Hao Hao incident" mentioned in the opening article is not in line with good quality of character education, want to resolve the child's rebellion, naughty, we can also use humor to respond to children, such as when children throw toys to hit us: "Baby, your toys are a little naughty Oh? You see it hurts me", at this time, the more careful children will come forward to [touch and blow wounds], and this is the character education of parents with "atmosphere for atmosphere".
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I am Lan Ma, focusing on the analysis of the parenting field author, with personal examples, a variety of family education examples, to record the moment of parenting feelings, like friends, welcome to pay attention to @ Lan Mama talk about parenting together to learn and grow together!