Wen | condensed mother's understanding
The child sometimes suddenly loses his temper for no reason, which makes us very annoyed, the brain is hot, the anger rubs up, and I can't help but want to yell at him to discipline him. However, after that, you will regret it. Looking at the child's pitiful face, I feel that there is no need to make a big fuss.
So, the question is, what should we do when the child is unreasonable? It's a bit tricky, but if you can stay calm, you can solve it.
Ning's mother also encountered such a situation, through timely discipline, the words into the child's heart, the child very cheerfully accepted the suggestion, and learned to give an example and reflect at all times.
Once, when 4-year-old Erbao was playing space sand, he didn't know why, suddenly cried and lost his temper, and picked up the book next to him and threw it on the ground.
At that time, the cartoon was also on at the same time, and I turned off the cartoon to ask him what was going on. As a result, he cried even harder, shouting "I want to see, I want to see!" ”
Asked why he was crying and why he was throwing away the book, he didn't answer, just asked to see. Ning Mama was also angry and demanded that he must put away the book before he could show him cartoons.
Erbao saw that his arms could not twist his thighs, and in desperation, he sobbed and picked up the book, and got the opportunity to watch cartoons, and his emotions eased.
This does not mean that discipline succeeds and ends, and that follow-up education has to keep up. After he is emotionally stable, figuring out the reason for the child's tantrum, learning to solve problems when encountering problems, and no longer throwing tantrums at will is the core of discipline. It turns out that the desired results have indeed been achieved.
The specific treatment method can be summarized as the following 4 steps.
The first step is to stop wrongdoing and treat others as they are.
When a child loses his temper, he cannot allow his emotions to spread. If we resign ourselves to his temper, or even seek perfection, his temper will become more and more serious, thinking that it is right to do so.
So we have to stop it in time and let him know that tantrums are bad behavior. After repeated stops, he knew where the borders were and eventually learned restraint.
Children generally can't understand us to give him reasoning, such as "tantrums are not good", "do not lose your temper in the future", the best way is to treat his body in his own way, so that he can personally realize that his behavior is indeed inappropriate.
Like Erbao lost his temper and threw away the book, Ning's mother turned off the cartoon for him. It seems unrelated, but in fact it is very purposeful.
The book was set aside and did not hinder him, but Erbao took the book out of anger. Erbao did not lose his temper because he watched cartoons, but punished him for not being able to watch cartoons.
That is to say, Erbao mistakenly punished the book, so Ning Ma mistakenly punished Erbao and let him know what it was like to be wrongly punished.
Erbao likes to watch cartoons, and when he feels that his vital interests are affected, he can understand that tantrums are very uncomfortable.
The second step, after emotional stabilization, communicate the wrong behavior and find the cause.
When the child has emotions, his emotional brain prevails, and there is no way to initiate rational thinking. If we ask him why he is crying and tell him a bunch of truths, he won't listen. Moreover, in the face of our preaching, the child's impulsive emotions will be superimposed, and the crying will be more fierce.
Adults should have the same experience, when we are particularly angry and painful, the brain is like a frozen wild horse, short circuit, completely disobedience, speech will become incoherent, or even completely unable to express.
Therefore, do not rush to know the reason for the child's tantrum, and wait until the child's mood is stable before carefully understanding.
After Erbao's mood stabilized, he talked to him about the reason for the tantrum, and Erbao described it very clearly: "When I piled the sand, the shape was not done well, and I cried. ”
It turned out that his goal was not achieved, and there was no big problem, but his goal was only known to himself, and the onlookers were confused, so they mistakenly thought that he was unreasonable.
Ning's mother told him what to do if he didn't pile up sand:
"It's normal to pile up bad sand, just pile it up again." The first time it is not good, the second time it may not be good, and the third time it is piled up, it will feel happier because it has learned the skill. If it is piled up all at once, it is too simple, not challenging, not interesting, and I don't want to play later. ”
When Erbao heard this advice, it naturally corresponded to the situation that building blocks needed to be repeatedly, and it was easy to understand.
The third step is to use some of the things that the child has experienced to tell him that it is normal to encounter problems and maintain a good attitude.
In the process of growing up, the problems encountered by children will emerge endlessly, and crying and tantrums are the most primitive manifestations, and it is also a magic weapon for adults to pay attention to him.
However, as he grows older, his parents cannot be around him at any time to help him and support him, and he needs to learn to face problems correctly and maintain a good attitude.
The simplest and most effective way is for children to understand and experience from past experiences. Accompanying the child to recall what has happened, the child has a sense of intimacy and familiarity.
Ning Mama is to use some of the joy that Erbao has just experienced, so that he can learn many skills that need to be practiced, and it takes a long time to learn, or to do better.
For example, Erbao will have the experience of being sick many times a year, but he has never spit on himself for 4 years and needs to rely on drugs. Suddenly one day he would spit, and he was excited to master this skill. A simple action that he learned for 4 years.
For example, in the past two years, Erbao has been plagued by defecation problems, afraid to go to the toilet, always like to hold back poop, and the most difficult one is to defecate once in 10 days. But this month, he suddenly became regular, and he was very happy to be able to go once a day.
Although these things are physiological problems, but also experienced from the process of not meeting, the child has a personal feeling, he can understand that many problems are not terrible, and will eventually be solved.
In the fourth step, when the child learns to reflect, he does not forget to send encouragement and praise.
Praise will make children more confident and motivated. If you want your child to adhere to good behavior, try to encourage and praise, and your child will do better.
Don't underestimate a child, the child's ability to reflect and summarize is very surprising, so that we can't help but want to praise him.
The 4-year-old Erbao's reflective ability is very strong, since he stressed that it is okay to have problems, he often thinks back to this problem when playing with toys:
"It doesn't matter if you don't do it well the first time, it doesn't matter if you ruin it a second time, if you can't do it a third time, just do it a few more times!"
After convincing yourself in this way, you will become bolder by playing with some creative toys, and you will be able to maintain emotional stability in the face of failure, withstanding setbacks and tests.
Children can gain experience from failure, very valuable, we found this shining point in time, sent great encouragement and praise, the child's ability is strengthened.
epilogue
It is very common for children to cry and lose their temper, the small things we think are big things in the eyes of children, we think that nothing has happened, but the children are experiencing unpleasantness, and the children's distress is often in places where we can't see.
Therefore, we must pay attention to understanding children. See the child lose his temper, do not rush to criticize, but simply stop his behavior, and then discuss and discipline him after his mood is stable, and the child will learn valuable experience from it.
I'm @Gelma Goku
Mother of two boys, more than 10 years of parenting experience
Accompany children to read, English enlightenment, science enlightenment
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