There are many girls who seem to have a sense of fear about marriage, not only marriage, but also having children is a difficult thing for them to do.
Remember once seeing a girl speak online, she said that it is not good to live alone? Why do you have to find someone to marry and have children, and then argue with your husband, your in-laws, and your children after marriage? If I could, I wish I could walk alone for the rest of my life in peace.
Many women's fear of childbearing, part of it comes from the difficulty and pain of the process, I believe that many mothers who have come over, when mentioning the experience of the original childbirth, are still heart palpitations, saying that it is not too much to say that the ghost door has been closed.
There are also some women, because they are afraid of the non-people they entrust, and they are stupid to give birth to him, and after becoming a mother, it is not so easy to leave. They have great uncertainty and distrust of love, if they do not meet a man who really loves each other, they will never dare to easily get pregnant and have children.
At this stage of pregnancy and childbirth, a woman is the most able to test whether her husband is sincere to you. If he is usually sweet to you and listens to you, but when you need him the most, he always finds an excuse not to help, and when you feed your children late at night, he always sleeps like thunder, which will inevitably disappoint us as wives.
On the contrary, some men usually look as if they are always not very concerned about their wives, but during the period when their wives give birth to children, they really assume the responsibilities and obligations of being a husband, and can take good care of the baby and wife everywhere, which will also make your feelings more stable and your marriage more happy. Even if she doesn't say it, she will praise you in her heart as a good husband.
1. "When confinement, my husband thinks that the baby is too noisy at night, and I am separated"
Zhao Hong and her husband married for 5 years, and finally ushered in their children.
Both husband and wife attach great importance to this baby, and when pregnant, Zhao Hong is careful, and simply resigns to raise a fetus at home in the third trimester.
Soon it was the day of childbirth, and before entering the delivery room, the husband took Zhao Hong's hand and said, "Honey, you must refuel inside and give me a healthy son out." ”
After a few hours of hard work, Zhao Hong gave birth to a baby boy, her husband said before that she wanted a boy, and now that her wish has come true, Zhao Hong is also very happy.
Because of the improper force during childbirth, there was a tear and a minor surgery was performed. After leaving the delivery room, Zhao Hong was unusually weak, although the baby was very cute, she really did not have the strength to hug him.
The in-laws all have jobs and can't help them with the children, while the husband just sits on the side and plays with the mobile phone after the initial hug of the baby. Zhao Hong had to endure the fatigue to take the child and feed him. On the night of the hospital, my husband was also lying on the empty bed next to him, sleeping more fragrantly than anyone else, and snoring.
When I was discharged from the hospital and returned home, my husband was still like this, and during the day there was time to tease the children, and the rest of the time was basically ignored and only cared about his own affairs. Even cooking was urged by Zhao Hong, who got up and gave her a simple bowl of noodles.
After the paternity leave, the husband returned to work, there was only Zhao Hong left at home, the body has not fully recovered, she also has to cook with the child, the day is fine, especially at night, the baby gets up at night very frequently, almost every two hours she has to get up to feed, change diapers.
After a while, Zhao Hong's husband actually proposed to separate, he said that at night you and the baby's movement is too big, plus the child often cries, I have not slept well during this time, starting from tomorrow, I will move to the study to sleep.
Zhao Hong couldn't accept it, she said: "You also know that I am so tired, why can't you think about waking up in the middle of the night, just get up and help me?" ”
The husband doesn't care to say, which woman is not like this when she is a mother, you bear with it, and wait until the baby is a few months old. Besides, I also have to go to work during the day, and I am very busy at work.
"I suffered from postpartum depression, and he said he did it myself."
Zhao Hong can't accept that her husband is so indifferent to herself during the confinement period, and she had a big fight with him, she said you are not a woman, you have not given birth to a child, you don't know how much pain I am in now, I can't get rest day and night, can't you help me?
On the contrary, my husband said with vigor and words: "I am also very tired at work, isn't there no one to help me?" This is just the first step for you to become a mother, if you feel that you can't do it now, are you weak, will you always have to be helped by someone in the future? ”
He said, I am also for your own good, so that you can exercise and grow, in order to become a better mother.
These words simply made Zhao Hong angry, and there was no hope for him. Her husband's support and unaccompaniment, coupled with the tiredness of night and day, the double pressure of psychology and body, soon crushed Zhao Hong, leaving her suffering from severe postpartum depression.
The first to find out that something was wrong was Zhao Hong's mother, the mother-in-law came to visit her daughter at home, but found that the baby was crying on one side, while Zhao Hong just sat on the other side, looking strange. The old man felt that something was wrong and pulled Zhao Hong to see a psychiatrist.
After the results of the examination came out, the mother-in-law scolded Zhao Hong's husband with a split head and a face cover, she said: "I handed over my daughter to you, is this how you treat her?" You certainly didn't care for her well, nor did you help her take care of her children during the month, and help her share the burden, otherwise how could she suffer from postpartum depression? ”
The husband still asked incomprehensibly: What is postpartum depression? There is no such disease, I think it is her own doing, thinking too much.
He also said with vigor and words: "My mother was also like this when she was young, after giving birth to me, she had to take the child during the month, do housework, and work in the field. I want to say, is usually I am too good to her, let her more and more squeamish, I can not be around her with her for a lifetime, if she is so dependent on me, then how to be a good mother in the future? ”
In the end, the mother-in-law took her daughter back to her mother's house and took the baby back together, despite the opposition of her son-in-law. She said: "I don't know if my daughter is a good mom, but what I can be sure of is that you are not a good father or a good husband. If she can slowly recover, we will settle the account later, and if she has any bad consequences due to serious psychological problems, the marriage will be divorced. ”
Third, when you are most weak and helpless, you can see a man's responsibility
Zhao Hong's husband is really angry, he has always said that he should give his wife a chance to exercise to become a good mother, so he will not help his wife, but has he ever thought about how tired it is to take care of a newborn baby?
If he had carefully observed his wife's daily life, he would have found that she did not rest for a moment almost all day. The reason why he was able to say such a thing was actually to hide his selfishness, want to be lazy, and was unwilling to bear the hardships of taking a child.
A woman, when she is the weakest and most in need of care and companionship, can see if a man has a responsibility. Especially during pregnancy and childbirth. She is undergoing a transformation from a teenage girl to a mother, a process that is difficult and great.
If the man who is a partner at this time does not play a little responsibility and role, just stands by and even points out where you are not doing well enough, then this marriage is really too frustrating.
Especially Zhao Hong's husband, because of his negligence and indifference, but also caused his wife to suffer from postpartum depression, he not only did not feel guilty, but also felt that she thought too much about herself to cause such consequences, really suggested that he learn more about the relevant knowledge, do not hurt his wife miserably.
No matter how good the words are usually, how attentive you are, but when you need him the most, he stands far away, but also tells you the big truth, teaches you how to behave for people, how far we hide from such a man, after all, we are married to hope to find a person who is in the same boat with himself, not to find a father, to find an elder who teaches you carefully.