"Mom, I'm afraid of the dark, I want to sleep with my mom."
"Dad, I'm scared, there's a ghost in the room."
"I don't want to go to school, I'm afraid to leave Mom and Dad."
……
Does your child often tell you that he is afraid of this and that, or even inexplicable crying, making you both helpless and confused. In fact, this is because you don't understand, what is the child afraid of?
For children, in addition to their parents, many people or things are strange to them. Most parents attribute their child's "fear" to their child's timidity. In fact, the child's "fear" can be roughly divided into the following three situations:
Become cautious because of the fear of scolding. The scolding of parents and adults will not only bring physical pain to children, but also make children suffer emotionally, damage their self-esteem, and reduce their self-evaluation, so that they are afraid of not being liked by others and being rejected by their parents.
The fear that arises from experiencing unexpected events, accidents, and fright. When children really participate in some emergencies, such as watching some horror movies, police movies, or attending the funerals of their grandfathers and grandmothers, they feel frightened and afraid. For young children, their mental development is not yet mature, and they are prone to insomnia, crying and other reactions.
The child is afraid of some terrible phenomena in nature. For example, the terrible natural phenomena of thunder and lightning, not only children, but also adults will have fear emotions, and even if children have been frightened, they are more likely to have fear.
According to different stages of growth, the "source of fear" of children is different, as shown in the following table:
Professor Stefan Schmidchen, a German expert in child psychology, once said: "The most important point is that parents should take seriously the phenomenon of their children's timidity. Therefore, when children have "fear" emotions, what we should do as parents is to empathize with the child's emotions and share the child's "fear".
For example, when the child is afraid of the dark, parents can guide the child to say the emotions and reasons for the fear of the black, but also to say their own feelings, such as "sometimes the darkness is indeed quite terrible, the father/mother is also afraid of the black when he is a child", empathizing with the child's emotions.
You can also play games with your children, find the "devil" in the room, the "tiger" under the bed, etc. Through the process of examination, let the child realize that everything is his own imagination, so that the effect achieved is far more effective than if you say to the child "nothing" and other reasons.
For example, when children are afraid of animals, even rabbits, puppies and other animals that look docile. At this time, parents should not force their children to touch small animals, but let their children slowly familiarize themselves with small animals.
For example, let the child become familiar with the rabbit's favorite food, buy some picture books about the rabbit, play with the plush rabbit toy, or go to the zoo, pet store and other places to see the rabbit. Wait until the child is familiar with it, and then encourage the child to reach out and touch the cute little rabbit. If the child is willing to try, parents remember to affirm the child's brave behavior in time and appreciate his bravery.
For example, when some children first come into contact with foreigners, they are afraid because they look different from us, and parents can tell them that they are people of different races who grew up in different places with us, and the children's fear will slowly disappear.
So we help children accumulate knowledge, but also help them reduce unnecessary fear. When a child is afraid, as a parent, you can adopt the following corresponding principles:
Don't make fun of your child, when your child says "scared", take it seriously and discuss it with your child;
Express understanding of the child's "fear", and not say "there is nothing there", "you don't have to be afraid", "you have to be brave" and other similar words;
Face "fear" with your child and think together about how to address the possibilities and behaviors of "fear";
Praise the child's brave behavior and assure the child that the parents will be at any time to provide support and help;
Don't be affected by your child's "fear", and try to keep your heart relaxed.
Children aged 3-6 have a rich imagination, and it is precisely because their imagination is too rich that they often confuse imaginary things with things that exist in reality, resulting in children being more afraid of imaginary things.
However, the fear that children feel because of imaginary things is staged. When the child says "afraid" to you, you should not deny or reprimand the child's child, do not say that the child is "timid", and do not escape the child's feelings, but guide the child to accept slowly and actively face the "fear" with the child.
It is impossible for children not to be afraid, we might as well teach children to learn to live with fear, regulate their emotions and states well, and learn how to get along with their own fearful emotions.
【Transferred from: Sohu Original — Pediatric Grandma Bao】