Intensive reading mother: Violent language will only make children more violent; and speaking well will also make children obedient, become optimistic and positive, and be born to the sun.
Author: Slash Girl Ing (Rich Book Author)
Recently, seeing a small story, I felt sad and real.
A 6-year-old boy was sick, and his father took him to the hospital, and in the hallway he kept asking him loudly about what was uncomfortable, poking the child's head once every time he asked.
Breathlessly said: "You don't know where it is uncomfortable, the white is so big!" ”
"You shouldn't pretend, the dead child is about to take the exam and pretend to be sick!"
"Talk, you're dumb, aren't you?"
The little boy's eyes were watery, but he never said a word, just timidly covered his stomach and crouched in the corner, his face was pale, and he was shivering.
Later, doctors diagnosed acute gastroenteritis. Dad counted down again: "When it's cold, let me wear clothes, let me drink more water without drinking, and don't wash my hands often, and don't get sick." ”
The child finally couldn't help but yell at his father, "I didn't!" ”
When it was the little boy's turn to draw blood for the test, he was obviously a little scared, very resistant, with his back to his hand not to let the doctor touch, the father also saw the little boy's fear, but just coldly said: "Now that I know that I am afraid, I have the ability not to get sick!" ”
At this time, a little boy sitting next to him who also suffered from gastroenteritis could not help but say: "Uncle, I am also gastroenteritis, he is just sick and not making a mistake, you don't talk about him." ”
Obviously, his mouth is full of love, but he is full of viciousness.
In reality, there are many such parents, they will not know that those casual words, may not leave scars on the child, but can poke the child's heart to pieces, become a memory they can never erase.
Speaking well is the best education for parents to their children
Professor Susan Foward said in her book Poisoned Parents: "Children will always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn them into their own ideas. ”
So, your reckless criticism may ruin a child, but every time you listen carefully and speak well, you can also make a good child.
Some time ago, the genius girl Gu AiLing frequently brushed the screen, began skiing at the age of 3, won more than 40 gold medals at the age of 14, went to Stanford, music, horseback riding, archery, running, swimming, surfing...
There are no hobbies she can think of that she wouldn't.
Properly lived as "someone else's child."
After watching the conversation between her and her mother Gu Yan, I understood that it is difficult for parents to talk like this, and it is difficult for children not to be excellent.
At the age of 8, she joined a ski team, and she was the only girl on the team, so she was particularly concerned about her gender and her achievements.
When she got home, she said to her mother, "Mom, I want to go to the Olympics in the future." ”
Gu Yan replied gently: "Very good, come on, you can!" ”
At the age of 13, she competed in the Pro Open for the first time, fell heavily, and she was more unhappy than wrestling because she failed.
At this time, my mother gently put her shoulder and said, "You are 13 years old compared to so many adults, and I am proud of you." ”
So everything is causal.
Using language to achieve children is the most advanced education for parents.
Those well-spoken parents can always guide their children to become emotionally stable, positive and optimistic, confident and successful people.
Speak well and start by saying these 5 words less
It is inevitable that people will have emotional moments, let alone parents.
Working family and all aspects of the pressure, do not know how to express, parents sometimes inevitably will not choose to speak, but since they have realized that it will cause harm to their children, they must keep their mouths shut.
If you say these 5 words less in life, the parent-child relationship will become more and more harmonious.
You look at people, you look at you?
Set an example, of course, but such a favoritism approach will only make the child hate you more, and don't forget that your purpose is to stimulate your child's self-motivation, not shame.
Each child is unique, and only by teaching children to compare themselves with themselves can they make real progress.
I said it a long time ago, you just don't listen, now fall into the pit.
The original intention is just to let the child remember the losses suffered, but in fact, it deepens the contradiction and stimulates the child's rebellious psychology, even if you are right, the child will not listen, especially the adolescent child.
In fact, if parents talk well, children will be obedient.
I'm not there for your own good yet.
A phrase that many parents often say is: I am all for your own good, how much I have paid for you, how can you do this to me.
In fact, this kind of moral kidnapping self-touching can not play any role, in the name of loving the child, but doing things to hurt the child, will only make the child more and more distant from you.
All day long you know what else you can do to play.
Are children really that bad? A single sentence negates all the efforts of children, and how can a child who cannot raise his head in front of his parents study hard and live well.
You can do whatever you like, I don't care about you.
This sentence seems to be a concession, but in fact it is a kind of implicit coercion. The subtext that comes out is: I'm already like this, you still don't listen, then let it go, do it yourself, fend for yourself.
Children are inherently attached to their parents, and it is easy to say more than that, and it is easy for children to feel that they are an abandoned and unsupported child.
How can parents talk to their children?
As a parent, there will always be countless moments when the child is driven crazy, hollowing out his mind every day to accompany him, and finally in exchange for a worse parent-child relationship.
A dad says that after having a child, he feels like a neurotic, often talking loudly and yelling.
How can parents talk to their children in exchange for more effective communication?
1. Try open dialogue
This is the first and most difficult step for parents and children to speak well.
Because for children, we always preconceived to order or criticize their actions, and most children at this time have a rebellious mentality.
For example, if you want to ask your child to eat, many parents will say, "Baby, come and eat quickly." ”
Nine times out of ten children are rejected, because no one likes the tone of command, and so does the child.
In a different way of dialogue, we can say, "Son, see who can eat the most beautiful dish in that color." ”
Let the child have no chance to say "no", which will naturally reduce the conflict.
2. Reject emotional dialogue
The problem of emotions can never be solved with emotional dialogue.
For example, when children are rolling and yelling, many parents will say: "I don't want you anymore, how did I raise you like this" and so on.
Such words will only make the child more insecure.
First of all, parents should show their attitude, although the child has done something wrong, but the parents still love you.
Secondly, we must help the child to resolve the emotions, "The mother knows that you have done something wrong, it is sad, it is okay, the mother used to be like this, if you want to cry, cry for a while." ”
Such words can make children open their hearts and close the distance with their parents.
The last thing is to guide the child to reflect, "What do you think the next time you do it, things will get better?" ”
Doing so gives the child a choice, but also develops the child's ability to handle things.
3. Use heuristic dialogue
In fact, dialogue is a two-way street, and parents and children need to come and go to form a closed loop, and also to strengthen the communication between parents and children.
Many times, praise is not enough, and the child cannot continue this conversation.
But if parents use heuristic dialogue, they can ensure the continuity of the dialogue and help children expand their cognition and improve their thinking ability.
For example, if the child thinks the puppy is so cute, the parents can guide the question of "what the puppy is doing, why is the puppy chasing the ball and running", which inspires the child to think and observe.
Wang Kai, the founder of "Uncle Kai's Storytelling", once said: "Good parents have a zipper on their mouths and never speak to their children as they please." ”
Violent language will only make the child more violent; and speaking well will also make the child obedient, optimistic and positive, and born to the sun.
It's really not easy to keep your mouth shut, but it's worth it for your children and for yourself.
We always say that we can give everything for our children, but we ignore that what children want most is the gentle language of their parents.
Love ta, just start from this moment, talk well.
About the author: Slash Girl ing, Parents Intensive Reading Columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement will be investigated
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