A mother asked, what should the best love of the elderly for their children be?
She said that since she gave birth to her second son, her in-laws came uninvited and said that they would take care of their eldest grandson. You must know that when she gave birth to her eldest daughter four years ago, she begged them not to come.
For the arrival of the in-laws, Bao Ma is actually mixed.
Happily, she finally has hope to end her career with a baby and return to the workplace. The worry is that the in-laws are tough and say nothing, and she is worried that when she takes the children, she will clash with them, which will affect the children.
To be fair, the in-laws are very fond of their sons, but their love makes the mother very broken.
Because the love they give to their children is not so much love as control.
For example, when the son defecates, the father-in-law must be on the side to help him wipe his ass, in the father-in-law's view, the son is too small, can not wipe clean, waste of paper.
Bao Mom persuaded her father-in-law several times to let her son go to the toilet by himself, but his father-in-law did not listen. Now that his son is in the second grade, his father-in-law still accompanies his child to the toilet, and his mother is helpless.
For example, every night before going to bed, the mother-in-law will shout in the living room, Xiao Bo, it is time to sleep.
The son heard the grandmother's shout, immediately closed the door of his mother's room, quickly slipped into the bed, and pretended to be asleep.
Otherwise, the mother-in-law would shout continuously until Xiaobo had to come out and go back to Grandma's room.
Although his son grew up sleeping with his grandmother, sometimes he also wanted to sleep with his mother, and he liked to listen to his mother tell bedtime stories.
The mother-in-law also likes moral kidnapping, always saying that she left her hometown in order to take care of the children, why did the children disobey? Inside and outside the words, he accused Bao Mom of not loving the child and not thinking about the child.
Bao Mom is very speechless, she admits that the in-laws love children very much, the question is, they are like this, do they love children or control children?
The child wants to go to the toilet by himself, and the grandfather is with him;
The child wants to sleep with his mother, and the grandmother calls him back over and over again;
The child wanted to play with his sister, and the old man said that he had no conscience...
When he was young, the child did not know how to resist, and as he grew up, the child began to rebel, and several times, he began to contradict his grandparents.
In the family, most parents or grandparents want to control their children because they love their children, so that their children can follow their lifestyles and thinking patterns.
But this kind of tough, controlling love will make the child have a rebellious psychology.
Because children have an autonomous consciousness from the age of two or three, they want to make their own decisions and follow their own ideas. Moreover, some of the things that the elders seem to be good for the children are not the wishes of the children.
In fact, parents change the method, do not be tough on the child, give the child care and effective guidance, the child's rebellious psychology will disappear.
After school, Xiao Shuai told his mother that there was not much homework, and he told his classmates that he would play for a while and then go home to write his homework. Mom agreed.
The little marshal and his friends happily played table tennis, and they all forgot the time. When the little marshal returned home, he realized that he had been playing for almost two hours.
Seeing his mother's anxious look, Xiao Shuai was a little weak-hearted, and he said that he would pay attention to time in the future.
"I know how to go home and keep playing!" Mom taunted at the little handsome.
Xiao Shuai wanted to argue a few words, and his father began to say to him again, "It's dark and you won't come back, if you come home so late in the future, don't blame me for beating you." ”
Dad and mother gave Xiao Shuai an education, Xiao Shuai was originally very weak-minded, felt that he did not abide by the agreement to play too much, but listening to his parents constantly nagging, he began to be impatient.
Xiao Shuai thought, Don't I just come back once late, do you say this about me? Next time I'll have to come back late and see what you do with me?
Sure enough, Xiao Shuai later deliberately returned several times late, and his parents criticized him every time.
Later, the mother found that something was wrong, and the little marshal seemed to be deliberately provoking them to be angry.
Xiao Shuai returned late, they criticized Xiao Shuai, strongly ordered him to go home early, Xiao Shuai disobeyed, and continued to return late, which formed a vicious circle.
The mother reflected and felt that she could not always criticize the child and control the child's play time.
When Xiao Shuai came home one night, his mother did not criticize him, but only expressed that she cared about him and worried about his safety, so she let him wash his hands and prepare for dinner.
Xiao Shuai felt the change in his mother, and also received his mother's concern for him, he began to feel guilty, he felt that he had worried his mother, he said sorry to his mother, next time he will go home early.
Mom also stayed, for the first time, Xiao Shuai did not talk back to him, and apologized to her, she smiled happily.
When parents no longer criticize the child and strongly order the child, but express their concern for the child, the child perceives the changes in the parents, knows that he is cared for and cared for by the parents, and he is no longer rebellious in his heart, and he will not fight against the parents.
In the process of raising children, parents will encounter many challenges. Sometimes, instead of letting the child listen to us, we should patiently guide the child and let the child go in the right direction.
Maybe the relationship between parents and children will be much more harmonious.