Father's love is like a mountain, mother's love is like water, and parents use their own love to nurture the growth of their children. Moderate love can help children grow up healthily, but inappropriate behavior in the name of "love" can cause harm to children.
Parents do not allow anyone to hurt their children, but often the ones who hurt their children the most are their parents. Guangzhou psychological counseling for your interpretation: inappropriate love is a kind of harm to children.
A college student wrote a letter of help, and he felt depressed and depressed, and he didn't know how to change the situation.
He has a mother who takes good care of him, and he sympathizes with his mother and can't bear to hurt her.
The mother's marriage was very unhappy, with people who did not fit, quarreled for decades, and later when the child was ten years old, the husband was determined to divorce and have a new family.
Mothers whose lives are not satisfactory, rely on working for others to provide for their children, but also pour all their feelings into their sons, focusing all their attention on their children, whether it is children's learning, interpersonal relationships, mothers are very nervous.
When the boy finally entered college, and he thought he could finally fly happily like a free bird, his mother resigned and followed him.
This made his son's dream of freedom a fantasy, he said that he knew his mother's good intentions, and he could not bear to let his mother be alone in his hometown, but he often couldn't help but get bored with his mother and couldn't help but be angry with her.
He also comforted his mother, hoping that her mother could return to her hometown to live in peace and no longer worry about herself, but her mother always had many reasons to make him feel that his idea was very unfilial.
He felt that life was heavy, and he felt like he was imprisoned in hell.
He also hopes that he can have a good future, but often feels powerless inside; If you want to be a man that your mother can rely on, you often need to rely on your mother.
The boy's condition is one that occurs in many children who grow up in single-parent families and in a family environment where parents are at odds.
When the relationship between mother and father in the family is not close, the son will often replace the father's position and become the person with the tightest connection with the mother, that is to say, the mother-child relationship is too tight, the mother is difficult to separate from the child, and the child is difficult to be independent.
As a result of the mother's meticulous care, the child's growth deteriorates: when encountered with things that cannot be done by the mother, they will escape, withdraw, fear, and be helpless.
Because of their withdrawal behavior, they have a serious inferiority complex, often feel weak, depressed, depressed, and depressed.
Some children are too well cared for, unable to take care of themselves in their studies, social interactions, and personal lives, which seriously affects their social functioning.
The mother loves the child, but if the child is too needed to be separated from the child, the harm caused to the child is unimaginable.
Older "children" who cannot live independently
In addition to the physical growth of children, there is also psychological invisible growth.
Parents often ignore the need for children's psychological growth, believing that sufficient love and nutrition can make children grow up healthily.
In fact, each stage of human being has its specific needs, and when the needs are not met, trauma is formed.
After the age of one, the child begins to be separated from the mother, the world of mother and son is broken, and the father begins to intervene; After the age of three, the child begins to contact others and begin to socialize under the supervision of his father...
Parents should realize that children are separated from their parents step by step, and learn to be independent little by little.
For the healthy growth of children, in order for children to be able to adapt well to society, parents need to love their children according to their children's growth and development, and give appropriate training and education.
If parents blindly arrange and dote on their children, they will always treat their children as "three-year-old children", depriving them of independent practice opportunities.
On the one hand, it may lead to the child's rebellion, on the other hand, it is easy to cause the child to rely on the parents for everything, unable to live independently, and become an older "child".
Parents solidify the requirements, and the child's development is limited
Children have their own temperament, personality, and desire to grow freely.
If parents stubbornly use their inner expectations for their children to demand and educate their children, they will constrain their children's heart to explore the world, which will not only limit the child's behavior, but also greatly limit the child's personal ability.
There was a lady who especially wanted a daughter and fantasized about having a beautiful daughter when she was a girl herself.
After getting married and having a son, the whole family was very happy, and the lady, although with some regrets, accepted this fact.
However, always consciously or unconsciously, the son will be treated as a daughter to ask, such as asking the child to be clean and hygienic, to love beautiful, to be quiet...
Therefore, when the son was 4 years old, he became a well-behaved, shy, shy, and especially clean-loving child, and when he encountered things, he was "Mom, I am afraid".
The child's father felt that the child was "like a girl, not a little boyish." The father really couldn't see it, and decided to take his son out alone often, encourage the child to try boldly, and allow the child to be "angry".
After a period of groping, the child's relationship with the father is getting better and better, and gradually there are some male child characteristics.
Therefore, when the child is in the child stage, parents should learn to be aware of their own expectations, respect the child's nature, let go of discipline, and let the child explore his world.
Children who have lost their freedom are difficult to be happy in their hearts
As the child grows, so does the free space he needs.
He has his own pursuits, his own desires, his own little emotions, and he needs to have a quiet, undisturbed space that is only his own.
If parents put all their emotions and attention on their children, and want to invade their children's inner world at every moment, the children will feel that their freedom is deprived and their minds are imprisoned, which will produce a heavy psychological burden.
Guangzhou psychological counseling reminds: Home is a harbor of happiness, a warm reliance, and a source of security.
Parents are people who can bring happiness to their children and can bring pain to their children.
Therefore, parents should learn to love appropriately, let go appropriately, and do not let their love become a burden on their children.
Excessive, inappropriate love is a heavy injury to the child.
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