Author/Pond Fish
The relationship between parents and relatives, in fact, does not absolutely follow the logic of "you are good to me, I am also good to you", I do not believe that you go to life to see, how many parents dig out their lungs, children are not only not grateful, but also eager to knock the phenomenon of bone sucking marrow is happening.
Therefore, many times, paying attention to a certain routine is also a must.
As a parent, you must understand what to do and what not to do, rather than ignoring three seven twenty-one, blindly taking everything about the child as their own thing to complete, you think that this is a manifestation of loving the child, do not know that some love, may be a mistake in itself.
I hope you remember: people over 60, high emotional intelligence parents no matter how rich, can not help their children 3 kinds of help.
01. Do not blindly bear the life that originally belonged to the children;
Everyone's life has their own life path to go, and the lives of parents and children are originally their own life tracks.
If you have to take on the life that belongs to others without measuring your own strength, then in the future, you will inevitably suffer hardships.
Especially after the age of 60, living your own life is king. As a parent, don't think that your child will not be able to live well without you, if you do not know how to let go, your child will never grow up. Many times, your excessive help is not helping children, but harming them to a certain extent.
There is a relative in my family, and now both of them are over 60 years old, still working hard, and others have begun to enjoy the blessings at this age, and they still dare not let themselves stop, because the weight of the lives of both families is on them.
The eldest son of the relative is married, the grandson is in elementary school, and then the two young people have not fully achieved financial independence, on the contrary, they not only need the mortgage and car loan sometimes, but also the cost of living, the cost of the child's schooling, and sometimes the two old people are responsible.
All along, they've done it. Their eldest son has long been spoiled, delicious and lazy, and there is no sense of responsibility, suddenly let go of one is that they themselves are not at ease, the second is that the son still has a lot of opinions, anyway, no matter what they do, it seems that they can't get anything good at this time.
They do not realize that they have taken on the life of their children, this practice is originally superfluous, they will always be old, they will walk, they will not do anything, it is impossible to help their children for a lifetime, if they can not move at that time, then all the hidden dangers left behind, what kind of consequences, no one knows. However, according to their son's current temper and personality, people around them said that when the two of them really got old, they would not necessarily have a good life. Apparently, they do so much and are never appreciated by children.
The kindness of parents and children sometimes follows the principle of fighting Mien to promote rice revenge, so no matter what it is, it must be moderate, and if you do too much, it will have a certain counter-effect.
02. Do not tell your children all the money in your hand;
Don't gamble on human nature, including parental affection, some people gamble to win, some people gamble and lose, but whether you win or lose, you can't blindly refer to other people's examples.
Because for yourself, even if it is the possibility of one in a million, as long as it really happens to you, it is a mountain of the whole life.
After the age of 60, do not tell your children all the money in your hands, let alone say that after your death, you plan for this money, because you have said too much, maybe you are still alive, and your children have begun to calculate. Yes, don't think that this situation will not happen, in real life, similar phenomena, definitely not one or two cases, but occupy a large part.
Moreover, if in the eyes of the child, you are unfairly distributed, and someone is not satisfied, you are adding to your own blockage.
No matter how much money you have in your hand, don't go around saying it, the same is true in front of the child, you just need to live quietly and quietly in the future, arrange your daily life, as for other things, there will be a corresponding answer.
03. Do not help your children to pay back debts, especially if it is not a reasonable lack of money;
What is a justified lack of money? For example, if the children change houses and buy a car because of certain needs, or if someone is sick and hospitalized, if the money is not enough, etc., at this time, if the parents can help, they should definitely help, these phenomena are justified by lack of money.
To put it bluntly, this is not the result of the child's subjective consciousness, but it belongs to the legitimate spending of money, and it is a large amount of expenditure, and it is normal that the money is not enough.
But in many other cases, parents really don't want to help their children to pay back, especially if the amount of money is relatively large, which will involve your pension funds and affect your old age.
No matter what kind of relationship, you must be clear, and life will be more smooth.
But some parents are really not like this, they spoil their children to a bottomless point, no matter what the child does wrong, they will choose to go to the bottom, and even willing to pay any price, in the long run, connivance will most likely harm a person.
In my life, I met a pair of parents, helped my son to pay off gambling debts, and it turned out to be a bottomless pit, and I repaid one sum after another, and the pension was hollowed out, and finally I almost sold the only house in the city, and my daughter-in-law divorced herself. In fact, people around them advised them to leave it alone, the more this continues, the more the child does not know how to change, because he himself has not really suffered from embarrassment, he will not reflect on himself, at most in front of his parents pretend to be pitiful, and sometimes even use tantrums to cover up his inner weakness. He also understands that no matter how bad he is, his parents will not give up on him anyway.
But the two old men were always soft-hearted, so they indulged their sons again and again, even though their sons were almost in their thirties, but their parents still treated him as if he did not understand things.
They are so spoiled that the child will never understand things.
But they didn't realize this, but they regretted that the child was still a very filial person before, how did it become like this now?
In this world, all cause and effect are slowly happening unconsciously, and if a certain effect has been caused, there must be a corresponding cause.
As a parent, when facing your children, you have a certain degree of doing something and not doing something, which is for the good of everyone. I hope you understand this.
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