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In 2019, the French National Assembly passed a bill banning kindergarten, elementary and junior high school students from using mobile phones on campus.
Children's dependence on and addiction to mobile phones seems to be a common problem faced by parents and teachers around the world.
The "difficulty" of parents is reflected in the fact that it is difficult for us to explicitly prohibit children from touching mobile phones like schools, because you will find:
Sometimes the more parents forbid it, the more the child does it.
01
Children are forbidden to play with mobile phones
It will turn into a struggle for power
On the road of children's growth, his parents said the most to him: "no", "no", "no", "no", but few children can do it.
Some children actually do some behaviors that are forbidden by their parents, you say no, the more he wants to do it, quite a rebellious little devil's style.
For example, this is a conversation:
Mom: You can't play with your phone from tomorrow!
Child: I don't!
Mom: You don't have to be useless, I'm your mom, I have the final say!
The child looked unconvinced, and by the next day, the phone was still in his hand.
As a result, there is a power struggle between parents and children, and the mother feels: "You must listen to me!" The child thinks, "I also have the right to be autonomous!" ”
American child psychologist Rudolf Drex believes that whenever a parent orders or forces a child to do something, it will lead to a power struggle.
Such confrontations usually occur in some children with strong personalities.
Many parents, with their natural authority, simply and rudely ask their children to obey and cooperate, but as their children grow up, this trick is becoming less and less effective.
Because children are also individuals with independent personalities and have their own needs, in order to rebel against you, they will procrastinate, cry, and not cooperate.
The more this power struggle occurs, the more rebellious the child tends to be.
Therefore, when you overly forbid children to play mobile phones, children often want to play, the essence of which is not because the temptation of mobile phones is too large, but that children do not want to succumb to you.
02
Rather, it is a temptation
I once heard a mother complain that her 10-year-old son had recently come home from school and was curled up on the couch playing with his phone.
Call him to do his homework, eat, shout several times, all oh oh, uh uh
Once, the mother was really angry, grabbed the mobile phone in the child's hand, and fell in front of the child.
The child was frightened by his mother and did not dare to ask for the mobile phone for several days, but after a week, the child still tried to play with the mobile phone.
When his mother wouldn't let him play, he would play secretly. Once, I even took my classmate's mobile phone home and played in the bed at night.
The experience of this mother, many parents are not strangers, adults are confiscated, and they are falling things, and they are monitoring, but the child's interest in mobile phones is not only undiminished, but also intensified.
There is a word in psychology called the "forbidden fruit effect", which means that the more things that are forbidden, the more people are curious; the more things they do not get, the more they want to get.
When a child is forced to forbid contact with some things because of external forces, he will have more curiosity about these things.
For example, if you put chocolate in a high cupboard and don't let your child eat it, the more the child wants to eat it, and this prohibition has become another form of "hanging appetite".
The same is true for mobile phones, the more you prohibit, the more mobile phones will trigger greater interest and attention of children, they will try their best to get their mobile phones, play against the clock, and the desire for mobile phones is deeper.
This is the so-called "can't help but do nothing", "the more forbidden the more".
03
Completely isolate children from mobile phones
Not practical
Children's curiosity about mobile phones cannot be extinguished by simply banning them.
If all the prohibitions were useful, education would not be so difficult.
In this day and age, it is not practical to completely prohibit children from touching electronic products such as televisions, mobile phones, and iPads.
Even if the school prohibits it and the family prohibits it, the child may still be accessible from friends and classmates, and we cannot guarantee that the child will not be exposed to mobile phones at all during his learning career.
Not only that, our world is undergoing tremendous changes, the speed of scientific and technological progress is breathtaking, today's strict defense of mobile phones, the next smart product parents can prevent?
Electronic products are really blocked rather than loose.
What we can do is to prevent addiction, let children reasonably allocate the time to play mobile phones and learn, and cultivate children's self-control ability is the key.
After all, the mobile phone itself is not good or bad, it adds a lot of convenience to the child's life, and the information obtained by the child through the mobile phone is not completely bad.
04
The key to preventing cell phone addiction
It is to create a good parent-child relationship
If asked why a child is addicted to mobile phones?
Most parents believe that this is a problem of their child's self-control, or that they blame the phone entirely.
In fact, things are not so simple. The reason why the world in the mobile phone attracts children is often because the children's many needs in real life are not met.
Take the game, the game knows the child's heart better than the adult, the reward of passing the level, positive and timely feedback every bit of the child's progress; there are more friends in the game, pick up the mobile phone, they can respond to it, and all the grievances and repression can be released in the game.
This sense of accomplishment is something they don't experience at home.
Other children want to escape the pressure of reality.
I once looked at a set of data that in stable families, the lower the risk of children becoming addicted to mobile phones, on the contrary, the more turbulent the family, such as parental divorce, single-parent families, and family atmosphere depression, will exacerbate the child's addiction to games.
Simply put, if children often feel lonely, depressed, and failed inside, then they will throw themselves into the online virtual world to seek comfort.
Children's addiction to mobile phones is only a symptom, and there are many complex reasons behind it that are not easy to detect.
We always find ways to change such children, in fact, the most important thing that needs to be changed is our relationship with children.
The China Youth Research Center released a report on "Research on the Cognition and Attitude of Primary and Secondary School Students and Their Parents towards Online Games", which shows:
Children's addiction to games is closely related to the parent-child relationship, and the worse the parent-child relationship, the more likely it is to lead to the formation of children's addiction to online games.
On the contrary, the higher the intimacy between parents and children, the more they care for their children, and the less addictive the children are to online games.
In a bad parent-child relationship, many small things will cause the child to escape or even reverse psychology, and then go to the mobile phone to find happiness.
The sensory stimulation brought by electronic products will indeed deeply attract a child.
But whether parents can "rescue" their children from the screen in time is the test of the trust between parents and children.
When something goes wrong with your relationship, the child no longer trusts your education.
Forbidden to play with mobile phones, in the eyes of the child, is your tyranny, your suppression of him, you only allow the state official to set fires, do not allow the people to light the lamp, the child does not feel that you are for his good.
With this realization, any truth is futile.
If you want to completely prevent mobile phone addiction, parents should first start from the family environment and parent-child relationship, change the attitude of communication between us and children, change the way we accompany children, and fill the emptiness in children's hearts with love.
Coupled with reasonable guidance, the mobile phone can play its positive role.
As for how to guide, give you four suggestions:
First, discuss the rules of mobile phone use with children: for example, parents and children jointly negotiate the time to play mobile phones every day and strictly abide by them; mobile phones cannot be brought to school; eating, sleeping, walking can not use mobile phones, etc.;
Second, expand your child's reach, cultivate some healthy hobbies, and let your child discover something more interesting than a mobile phone.
Third, spend more time with your child and let parent-child time replace screen time.
Fourth, one of the best ways to keep children away from mobile games without being a bad example is for adults to set a good example.
In front of children, even if you endure, you must play less mobile phones.
END
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