Recently, I discovered two iron laws —
For families without children or singles, the threshold for things that enhance happiness can be too high, such as a full-sized room, travel abroad, and black pearl restaurants;
For families with children, the threshold for happiness is low, as long as: a bathroom where no one urges, or a report card with a full score.
But this small threshold, I don't know how many parents have stumbled.
Or, as soon as it is a tutoring homework, the blood pressure soars, and the ambulance is waiting downstairs;
Xiao Yueyue, who was forced to collapse, hired someone to accompany him online
Or, as soon as it was a tutoring assignment, the child's father disappeared into the toilet.
Indeed, tutoring children to learn may be the most thankless thing parents have ever done:
You pay time and effort, in exchange for the child is not willing to study, unwilling to write homework, after school to pick up the child on the way, but also received a message from the teacher that this exam is not ideal, summer vacation do not let him play;
You spend money to enroll in classes, tutor all day, set up a child to sit down to study, and when you finish your homework in class and outside the classroom, it is often past 12 o'clock in the evening;
In the end, you got a good grade for your child, but you found that he was less motivated than before, more anxious about exams and studies, and even cried that he didn't know why he was working hard...
Children are miserable, and it is not easy to be a parent.
You will find:
Some parents spend a lot of money to apply for cram school, the child's primary school results are excellent, but in junior high school, they slide all the way to the bottom, which is the "school-weary psychology" brought about by the rush;
There are mothers with babies full-time, focusing on tutoring academics, but may "ruin" the child's internal drive, and the staying power is gone...
I would say that this whole process is a big "trap". It is not only your child's grades and future, but also your close relationship with your child and your family.
Say this not to intimidate you, but because:
As one of the few psychologists in China who are engaged in family therapy, I receive no less than 50 families who come to the doctor every month because their children are bored with school, many of whom have depression, anxiety or mania.
After years of clinical work, I know all too well: before the age of 15, the most important thing is to cultivate children's learning experience.
Yes, you read that right. What really affects children is not the temporary academic performance, but the learning experience.
Psychologist Li Meijin also said that children are bored with school, truancy, and intelligence have nothing to do with it, and it is the bane that destroys the learning feeling.
The more you push, the worse the child's feelings, the more he does not want to learn, which falls into a vicious circle, and even the parent-child relationship breaks down.
By this point, the child's learning ability has been destroyed for the most part.
After spending 10 times more effort, it may be difficult to produce 3 points of effect.
Forgot to introduce myself, I am Liu Liang.
Probably many people are familiar with me, because I am one of the few psychiatrists in China who specializes in family therapy;
It may also be because I summarized the clinical experience and research results over the years into "Parents Do These 9 Things, Children Change from Bored with Learning to Love Learning", which became an annual bestseller, and parents gave 100% praise.
However, I feel that the most valuable work I have done is to systematically help many people solve problems such as growing pains, parent-child conflicts, school aversion and Internet addiction.
If you are also fighting with your child and have a headache for your child's boredom and rebellion; or you want your child to love learning and have strong internal motivation, from primary school to college.
Then please be sure to listen to the real cases and painstaking summaries that I have handled in the past 15 years.
And, you know what? I have studied children's school boredom and growth troubles for many years, and found that the most effective and worry-free method is actually only this one.
15 years of experience in psychotherapy,
Doctor of Medicine, Tongji University, Visiting Scholar, Harvard University
Masterpiece "Parents do these 9 things, children change from boredom to love learning"
As a family and marriage therapy psychologist, I host at least 50 families a month in my daily clinical psychological work who are plagued by school aversion.
After several family treatments or individual psychological counseling, some students have successfully returned to school and counterattacked students who have been admitted to key famous schools.
But what impressed me the most was the children who had gone through dozens of consultations and had taken years.
For example, Xiao You, a well-behaved and sensible 15-year-old boy.
Since kindergarten cram school, I have not let adults worry about it. He has excellent grades, stable in the top three grades in the school, good sports results, good popularity, and a proper "Qingbei Miaozi".
However, in junior high school, a series of critical hits came:
Failed an exam, Xiaoyou was anxious, self-blamed, depressed, and never wanted to go to school again;
Parents urge him, reason with him, the child will say "I am tired";
More addicted to the game, you scold him, he cries that he can't find the meaning of learning...
In a consultation, Xiao You secretly said to me, "I can take the top ten exams with my eyes closed, but I still feel that if it were not for my parents desperately trying to chicken, my life might not be a mess." ”
Heart-wrenching, too heart-piercing.
Over the years, after studying the countless high-scoring and school-weary children who came to me for treatment, I found a cruel truth - behind those school-weary children, there are at least 1 desperate parent standing:
Weekends, winter and summer vacations are open all year round;
The cram school is desperately reported, and the parents are not absent from running;
Staying up late to do homework until eleven or twelve o'clock is commonplace...
In the end, it is the parents who have broken their hearts who have raised their children's grades; it is also us who have almost "ruined" their children's learning feelings.
After understanding Xiao You's distress, I taught his parents to adjust their practices.
Fortunately, Xiaoyou's changes are also immediate:
The parents listed 50 advantages of the minor merits, and saw the advantages of their sons in addition to the grades;
Xiaoyou no longer resists communicating with her parents and learns to express her thoughts frankly;
In terms of learning, do not want parents to urge, take the initiative to complete homework.
Now, Xiaoyou has returned to school, and after a period of hard work, his grades are in the top three of the grade. The bigger difference is that it is no longer his parents who urge him to learn, he has the internal drive and really learns for himself.
In the past 15 years, I have seen countless parents who have chickened their children into prestigious schools, but in exchange for their children's anxiety, depression and unhappiness; I have also helped many parents to save their children's learning feelings and parent-child relationship in time.
That's why I'm here today to share this lesson on Tackling School Boredom at the Root.
I want to help you and your children get out of the trap of boredom and chicken traps, stimulate children's interest in learning, continue the advantages of good grades to junior high school and high school, and become confident and happy children.
But I would like to tell you that if you want to raise a child who is excellent, loves to learn, and has strong internal drive, in fact, you don't have to be so desperate and painful as your parents.
Learning assessment: Identify the four root causes of children's boredom
Create an environment: Help your child be willing to communicate and emotionally stable
Ability to resist stress: Support children's self-confidence and self-discipline
Learning objectives: To improve children's learning drive
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90% of parents are still in the misunderstanding of "headache treatment"
Teach you to do this well and solve the problem of children's school boredom from the root
Over the years, the most painful and unbearable fact I have seen is:
Whether at home or abroad, there is no ready-made psychotherapy method specifically for aversion to learn from.
And those attempts to apply Western theories and incorporate them into Chinese educational methods have all failed.
I often feel that this generation of Chinese parents is really hard.
However, the results were not satisfactory:
On the one hand, it is for the children to be exhausted, leaving parents full of confusion and helplessness; on the other hand, they have invested a lot of time and energy, and finally failed in their studies, leaving a wandering child.
Therefore, I finished my postdoctoral studies in medicine at Tongji University, went to Harvard University as a visiting scholar, and went to Germany to study clinical research in family therapy, hoping to sort out really effective family therapy methods.
It is comforting that the method I have summarized has indeed helped many families.
For example, @buckwheat
The 12-year-old son smashed his head against the glass and became heavily addicted to games
Finally went back to school and studied hard
2 months ago, I saw buckwheat for the first time at my appointment.
Her eyes were puffy, her hair was disheveled, she didn't wear makeup, and before she could say anything, she cried a little:
"Son Stone has excellent grades since childhood, began to learn saxophone at the age of 3, and won the second place in the competition. But at the age of 12, his grades plummeted, and he gave up on the instrument that had reached the 8th level and became addicted to video games.
"The child's father dropped 3 mobile phones, 2 iPads, and smashed a TV set. But my son either ignored it or smashed his head against the glass, and I really couldn't help it..."
On the second consultation, I had a chat with Stone.
Next, I customized a family therapy plan for them and asked buckwheat to try it for a week:
"Three one six to one acceptance", effective parent-child communication;
"Emotional and stress cushions" to help children cope with external pressures;
The "advantage discovery method" helps children say goodbye to Internet addiction and stimulates a sense of realistic value.
This combination of punches is also the key to the effectiveness of family therapy: to help children no longer be bored with school, not to force them to fall in love with learning, but to solve the problem from the root.
A few days ago, Buckwheat WeChat told me that my son put away all the game equipment himself and took the initiative to contact the teacher to confirm the return to school on Monday.
There are many children who have regained their inner drive to learn in this way.
13-year-old Mingrui, from the diagnosis of "hollow heart disease", to say goodbye to depression and boredom, it took only 1 month before and after;
Xinyu, who is no longer tired of acting in the second year of junior high school, after pleasing teachers and taking care of her parents, her grades have improved by leaps and bounds, and she has taken the top ten of the class several times in a row, and no longer does "hard" scum.
……
In tens of thousands of parents and children have verified effective methods, you try once, you can also find the child's internal drive, raise good children with good grades and self-discipline:
Eliminate the four major obstacles to school: no longer you wear out your mouth, the child is still resisting to read one more page of the book;
Release strong anti-stress: efficient learning, minute-by-minute learning, no longer anxious, depressed, afraid of failure;
Activate the internal drive, let the child love to learn and learn: solve the problem of school boredom from the root, so that academics and extracurricular interests become new abilities that children are willing to challenge.
Feel the outline full of dry goods,
Help you solve the problem of children's school boredom from the root
There are primary and secondary school children at home,
This may be the only course you need▼
1) Systematically solve the problem of children's school boredom
The course integrates Dr. Liu Liang's comprehensive research achievements in medicine, psychology and family therapy over the years, analyzes the problem of children's boredom from the root causes, and solves problems for Chinese families.
2) Real cases, matching more than ten years of practical experience
Each lesson incorporates real and typical case stories to help parents better understand and use easy-to-understand language.
3) Comes with essential notes, easier to learn
Exclusive essential notes are included in the hall to refine the knowledge of dry goods, which can be used immediately after learning.
If you've had these confusions too:
What should I do if my child doesn't want to learn? What should I do if my child's grades do not go up? What if the child rebels and refuses to communicate? ......