Stills from the movie "Nobody Knows".
Some time ago, I went to the hospital to treat insomnia, and found that the physical therapy room for depression was full of adolescent children, some of whom looked only in their early teens, and some of whom should be in high school.
There are generally two types of parents who accompany these children:
A kind of careful coaxing of children, the atmosphere does not dare to mess out, for fear of how wrong to provoke the child;
The other is that in hospitals where patients and families are relatively "weak", they still show a strong desire to control, pointing at children and constantly questioning doctors...
It's a shame that children of this era seem to suffer more psychologically and emotionally than when we were kids!
What happened to the child?
Recently, CCTV broadcast a documentary that comprehensively interprets depression, "How We Fight Depression". Among them, the first episode of "Teenagers Know the Taste of Sorrow" record three is one of the most affected groups of teenagers by depression.
In the film, there is a high school girl Zhong Hua, who has a well-off family life, and her mother always asks her to be top-notch.
A middle school girl who looks like she should be happy is suffering from depression:
"There are 8 classes a day at school, and I will lie on my desk for 8 classes. When I got home, I lay in bed, sometimes I cried, sometimes I didn't cry, and then I lay down for 5 hours. Take a bath or wash your face and brush your teeth, and then continue to lose sleep at night. This state really consumes me. ”
Even, "At its worst, I want to die." ”
Fortunately, her family showed tolerance and let her take a break from school to recuperate at home.
It wasn't until she recovered that she revealed that she had decided that if her parents, after learning that she had depression, blamed herself for being pretentious like other parents, she would jump out of the window.
Zhong Hua's story is still a relatively "lucky" story.
Some time ago, a suicide note written by a 14-year-old girl on the Internet was exposed. People can't bear to read, and the words are slowly heart-wrenching feelings.
"After the people, I can't stand your dirty curses..."
"It's not me you love, it's me who broke into the top ten of the class, I'm in the top twenty of the grade, I'm the one who got a perfect score."
"Please treat her brother well, please stop this harm."
Word by word, full of blood and tears, it can be seen that this child is deeply mired in the emotional quagmire of powerlessness and helplessness, and is hopelessly desperate for the world.
But what a kind child she was, writing a suicide note, she did not forget to tell her parents to be kind to her brother in the future, and not to treat him as she did to herself.
1 in 5 children has a tendency to depression
In fact, such examples are not unique. Data from the "China National Mental Health Development Report (2019-2020)" show that "in 2020, the average depression detection rate of mainland adolescents was 24.6%, of which the detection rate of mild depression was 17.2% and that of severe depression was 7.4%. ”
This means that 1 in 5 children are plagued by a depressive state, and the slightest carelessness can develop into a disease.
Moreover, according to the World Health Organization, depression is one of the leading causes of illness and disability among all mental health disorders.
In China, the detection rate of depressive symptoms in adolescents aged 9 to 18 years is about 14.81%. According to a report released by the Institute of Psychology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, the severe depression of high school children is as high as 10.9%-12.5%.
Relative to the severity of the data, the majority of parents, schools, and society are ignorant of children's depression. Until now, when psychology and psychological counseling are on fire, everyone is more concerned about the depression and stress of adults, and "adolescent depression" has not been widely valued and discussed.
After all, many people will instinctively make a judgment: how can you be depressed when you are young and don't understand anything?
You are a child, how can you be depressed?
Children do experience depression, and what is even more frightening than the truth is that parents have been denying the facts.
Many parents will subconsciously react: How can it be depression? I feed you well and feed you, provide you with school, and the best that can give you is the best... The family loves you so much... You also don't have the pressure to survive... I don't understand why you don't want to live anymore... What's not to like... Happy is also a day, unhappy is also a day, why do you choose not to be happy every day...
"Depression is the disease of the times, and there is something wrong with the ecosystem of our families, schools and societies."
Experts from the Chinese Academy of Educational Sciences pointed out that the causes of depression in children, except for a very small part due to genetics, most of them come from external factors in various aspects of the home-school community.
So how exactly does a child get depressed? Every child has their own story and reason, but there may be some universal phenomena that can be used as a reference for parents.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders developed by the American Psychiatric Association, the diagnosis of major depressive disorder (MDD) in children and adolescents requires at least two weeks of sustained mood changes, specifically manifested as sadness or irritability, lack of interest or anhedonia.
"Children and adolescents may show more anxiety and anger, fewer autonomic symptoms, and fewer desperate speeches than adults."
Among them, in the brain of adolescent children, the prefrontal cortex is not yet mature is a reason. "Adolescent children look like adults, parents think they are grown up and don't need protection anymore, they themselves think they've grown up, but they don't really grow up."
Specifically, when the child has some signs or special emotions, there are corresponding psychological changes behind them, which require special attention:
First, the child begins to become "very annoyed" and "does not want to go to school".
"Children are mainly annoyed and abnormal, and there are few manifestations of sighing and tears." Zheng Yi, a leading expert in the children's mental disorder team at Beijing Anding Hospital, pointed out that children rarely cry or express negative thoughts after suffering from depression, but often show irritability, tantrums, running away from home, declining academic performance and refusing to go to school.
But the trouble is that "the thought of a child dying is very sudden, and something goes wrong on impulse."
When a child's mantra is always 'annoying', "boring", "not interesting", "not interested", "don't want to do it"... And when you show strong irritability, it is a signal that the child cannot withstand the pressure of the environment.
Perhaps it is too much academic pressure, family tensions or years of high pressure to lose interest in learning, in short, can not take the child's 'grumpy distress signal' as a sign of rebellion.
Second, at the beginning, it may just be that the child "becomes disobedient", and then the child can no longer go to school normally, indicating that the disease affects the cognitive level and the social function is impaired.
Depression coexists with anxiety in many adolescent patients. In most cases, anxiety manifests as concern for school attendance and grades, while depression is depressed.
"Anxiety and depression are like two twin sisters, looking alike and appearing in pairs. When a person is depressed, there will inevitably be anxious emotions, and if anxiety is not alleviated, it will become more and more depressed. ”
Children are immersed in the screen and rarely communicate with adults or other people in reality.
In 2017, American psychologist Jane Twenger pointed out in his book "Internet Generation": "If children stare at the screen for no more than 2 hours in their leisure time every day, their risk of depression does not increase." But as long as the screen time exceeds 2 hours per day, the risk of depression increases with every additional hour of screen view. ”
We all know that adolescence is an important stage for a person to learn socialization. When children refuse to have a real connection with real life for a long time and blindly indulge in the virtual world, it is likely that they will give up the opportunity to learn normally to "deal with people" and "accept setbacks and challenges" and become more and more isolated.
"You're a kid, how can you be depressed?"
Yes, a child can also be depressed, and all adults can feel emotions: hurt, fear, anxiety, sadness, boredom... Children will feel more sensitively and magnifyingly.
Give your child love, security, and timely need professional help
"Every family with a depressed child is an island."
Many children with depression and their parents will have a "sense of shame", feeling that they cannot tell others and are afraid that others will know.
In fact, depression is not a flood beast. Just as our bodies get colds and fevers, so do our emotions and psychology. The difference is that the latter's illness may be more confusing.
For parents, they may try to see the real needs of their children, give their children more love, security, and take their children to seek professional help in time.
First, see the child and empathize with the child as much as possible
Many parents cannot accept the fact that their children are sick. So, first of all, we must see the child's emotions, acknowledge and accept it, and allow it to exist.
Let your child know that your joys and sorrows are meaningful, that your parents can see your pain, and that your pain is valuable.
Pain is an opportunity for change.
Second, accompany the child, and work with the child to find the reason behind the emotion.
When the child is depressed or manic, the parents' empathy is very important for stabilizing the child's inner state, and only in the relationship is a sufficient sense of security and trust, the child is likely to cooperate with the parents to find the real reason.
All the time, let the child know that there are parents behind them. Express understanding and support with words and actions, intervene in a timely manner in an appropriate manner, support part of his collapsed self, become a source of his strength, and assist him in solving his dilemma.
Of course, these 2 points are not easy to do.
Third, seek professional help in a timely manner.
You can go to the psychiatric department of a top three hospital for professional diagnosis and treatment. At the same time, according to the doctor's opinion, it is necessary to give the child dedicated psychological counseling or counseling. Sometimes, the child's problem is not only the child's problem, but also requires systematic treatment of the family.
All in all, don't "look down" too much on your child's depression, and don't "value" your child's depression too much. Face it well, there are many lessons to be done in life.