Among the teens who received the internet addiction, we found that most internet addicts were hostile to their parents and were in a state of confrontation with their parents or one of them.
Parents often feel helpless, even desperate, in the face of this state, and the once "effective" methods of education — patient advice, reward, punishment, threats, scolding — are no longer effective.
Fang Hui, 15 years old, parents feel that this child is particularly willful, disobedient, originally the primary school results are very good, after junior high school will not study, began to bubble, skip class, the Internet, often night do not go home.
Half a year ago, because of the Internet problem at school, the teacher said a few words, never go to school again, play games at home every day! In the past six months, parents have exhausted their means to get this child back to school.
As a senior leader' father, he was also extremely disappointed in this only son, beating and beating, scolding and scolding, and the child seemed to be "invincible".
The mother did not know how many tears were shed for this child, but the child looked like he didn't care, and he no longer had half a guilt.
It is reported that when Fang Hui was young, his grandparents and mothers were very fond of him, and when he was very young, he bought game consoles and smart toys, the reason is: other children have, our children must also have.
When he was in elementary school, although Fang Hui did not read very seriously and loved to play, he was talented and had good academic performance, but his learning habits were worse. But parents, grandparents did not care.
However, after reaching junior high school, Fang Hui's habits of lack of self-control and lack of initiative in learning became more and more obvious.
Academic performance is obviously unable to keep up, began to make friends with some bad teenagers in society, the addiction to playing games is getting bigger and bigger, often playing all night long; emotionally grumpy, often because the mother does not follow him and throw things, often make the father angry to jump up and beat people.
Teacher Qiu Yihuan, director of the Psychological Counseling Center of Guangzhou Listening and Speaking Bar, analyzed:
Almost all children who are hostile to their parents have attacks on their parents or on themselves because they feel that their parents have not fulfilled their corresponding responsibilities.
Parents fail to fulfill their responsibilities, including blindly pampering their children, or ignoring them, throwing them to the elderly or "herding sheep", or being too controlling and authoritarian.
1
Limited by traditional family education, many parents lack psychological knowledge when educating their children, are infinitely doting on life, and have extreme control over their studies, which makes children's psychology have a great contrast.
The impact of this kind of education is not obvious in the primary school stage, one is that the curriculum at the primary school level is relatively simple, more memorization, more problems, the gap in academic performance will not be too large; second, the primary school stage, children's play, play time is relatively more, with negative emotions can be released through the game.
Entering the middle and high school or university, the difficulty of learning is improved, requiring children to take the initiative to think, prepare in time, review, and self-digest the learning content, while at this stage of the relationship between classmates, teachers and students, family relations, and self-relationships will affect the child's inner emotions, when the child is frustrated in academics, frustrated in interpersonal relationships, it is easy to seek satisfaction in the illusory network world, thus forming Internet addiction.
2
Many teenagers who are addicted to the Internet often have the problem of lack of paternal love in their families.
The function of the father is missing in many families today, such as:
Some children's parents are divorced, and the children live with their mothers; some families, although superficially intact, the father is rarely at home and is always busy with his own business outside;
Some family fathers are not good at words, always have a cold face on their children, and children lack communication with their fathers;
In some families, the relationship between husband and wife is not harmonious, and the mother and the child form a close alliance to exclude and oppose the father...
This will lead to a lack of link and communication between the child and the father, and the child feels the lack of paternal love in his heart.
Moreover, for adolescent children, especially boys, the father often represents rules and order, and the formation of children's self-control has a lot to do with the role of the father.
3
Internet addicted boys mostly look for their ideals and desire for success in the virtual world.
In Internet addiction, girls are more addicted to online novels and online chats, enjoying a feeling of "love"; while boys are more addicted to competitive games and enjoy a sense of accomplishment.
Why do so many boys look for a sense of accomplishment in the virtual world? The answer is obvious: because you can't get it in reality.
Why not in reality?
Boys who are easily addicted to online games, mostly lack self-control, and their essence is that it is difficult to delay gratification.
At the age of 1-3 years old, parents should help the child to establish a sense of satisfaction delay, can not ask for what to give, reasonable requirements as far as possible after 30 minutes to give satisfaction, unreasonable to gentle and firm refusal. It is at this time that man's self-control is established.
It is some unhealthy value orientation in modern society that causes boys to prematurely compare cars to houses and fame and fortune, and when the current environment cannot allow them to find the basis of peace of mind, they conceive their ideals and desires for success in the virtual world.
It is true that after a game is played, if you win, the sense of accomplishment is irreplaceable, and the more "lives" you accumulate, the greater your sense of security; and losing means the loss of your sense of security.
So, they will desperately earn back this sense of security – this is also the mentality of gamblers, and the more people who can't find it in real life, the more they will seek sustenance elsewhere.
I heard that the psychological counselor Qiu Yihuan reminded
Allowing children to get what they need from the real world, "peace of mind", is the best way to treat Internet addiction.
For a child, if his academic performance is recognized, his physical qualities are recognized, his hobbies and interests are recognized, and his personality characteristics are accepted, he will continue this recognition, and if properly guided, it is likely to become a future profession or career.
However, all this self-recognition must be based on good parent-child relationships and appropriate parenting practices.
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