Text / Mother Moss Parenting Transcript
This article is excerpted from the previous lesson "Writing Homework with Children - Small Details Show Great Wisdom".
Under the double reduction, many schools do not grasp the "degree" of teaching, and frequently touch mines. This is true for professionals, and parents as non-professionals do not know what to do. Children's learning, is it in charge or not?
Tube, definitely to manage. But methods matter. I will use the next 3 articles to sort out "How Parents of Primary School Students Should Accompany Their Children to Learn". In this article, we will first talk about some common misunderstandings of learning with children.
Myth 1: "Practice makes perfect", forcing children to brush up on questions desperately in order to get high scores
Anxiety is so bad that many parents are now a bit reluctant to see their children play. Once it is found that the child is not studying and has a little more free time, he will find a way to find a variety of extra homework to fill the child's time. Parents feel that practice makes perfect, and learning is to do more problems to master the knowledge points. In fact, this method is not scientific.
Parents are not professional educators, plus many parents do not know enough about their children's learning shortcomings. If you just listen to people's recommendations or buy exercise books for your children on the Internet, you can't solve your children's learning problems in a targeted manner, and in the end, most of them are trying to comfort them.
In addition, parental anxiety allows us to amplify our children's learning problems. As long as the child does not score 100 points, parents always feel that there is still a deficiency. In fact, some mistakes are not a problem of children's learning attitudes, nor are they children's learning ability is inferior to other students, but a normal phenomenon in the process of physical and mental development. For example, many children in the first and second grades of primary school will write left and right, and b and d are not divided, and p and q are not divided when writing pinyin. No matter how you teach it, the child will be wrong. Parents think that children are careless and not serious, but in fact, this is related to the lack of ability of children in the young age to distinguish between the spatial position of graphics and characters. This situation usually does not alleviate until the age of 9, and a small number of children do not even fully distinguish the concept of "left and right" until the age of 12.
Therefore, under the normal rhythm of children's mental development, parents need to understand and tolerate their children's problems and avoid rushing to the doctor. If parents always assign extra homework to their children, the children will not feel the sense of accomplishment in completing their academic tasks, and they will increasingly regard homework as a burden. In order to let parents assign less homework, some children have also developed a bad habit of "deliberate rubbing". This is not worth the loss.
More critically, primary schools focus on basic knowledge education, and excessive brushing can easily solidify children's thinking. Thinking development is limited, and it is easy to keep up with school in the upper grades.
Myth two: "Don't fight for three days, go to the house to reveal the tiles", want to "town" to live bear children must roar and scold
Professor Li Meijin once mentioned in a talk show that if you want your child to become stronger when he grows up, he needs to give his child frustration education from an early age. Desensitize children to "setbacks". If you didn't experience anything when you were a child, when you grew up and encountered things, it was easy to hold back and do it badly.
This passage resonated with many parents. Many parents think that today's children are indeed too fragile, and if they want to suffer some setbacks, let's start with me! Some parents believe that the child is "beaten" out, and the child can be restrained so that they can study well. Therefore, with the child to write homework, our most common scene is that parents stare at the child writing homework, while getting angry, reprimanding or even scolding the child.
Is this way of education what Professor Li Meijin wants to express?
To be sure, such parents misinterpreted Li Meijin's meaning. In a previous article I mentioned that when a person is controlled by emotions, it is impossible to initiate rational thinking. Children focus all their emotions on defending against the threat posed by their parents, and it is difficult to concentrate on solving the problem itself. Moreover, children are scolded and beaten as soon as they write homework, which is also easy for children to form conditioned reflexes, be more resistant to writing homework, and even self-deny.
There is a viral video on the Internet about a little girl who memorizes multiplication tricks and can't always remember. As soon as the back was wrong, my mother began to reprimand. The little girl cried and carried her back, and finally had an emotional breakdown, crying out loudly "Three five... Four or five... Five-five, too difficult, I am stupid, the back will not ah! ”
Yelling and scolding doesn't solve the problem, it's just an emotional catharsis. When parents feel annoyed, it is recommended to try to find some ways to divert their attention. Taking a deep breath, listening to music, or taking a walk out of the house and calling a friend to talk about it are all great ways to calm down.
Parents educate their children, and ultimately find the root of the problem. For example, if the child is not attentive and plays while writing homework, parents should think about how to help the child reduce the interference factor and exercise the child's concentration. Parents give their children lectures, how to talk, children can not understand, then it is necessary to reduce the requirements of the child, find a way to explain the topic in a way that the child can understand.
Of course, there is also a case where the root of the problem lies in the parents. For example, elementary school students copy new words. A total of about 10 new words, the teacher asked to copy 2 times. Children in the first and second grades often have to write for half an hour, and parents feel that their children are writing slowly and consuming time. So I was angry. In fact, the small muscle group of the child's hand is not fully developed, and the writing speed will be very slow. And small children usually have only 15-20 minutes of concentration time, and once they exceed this time, they will feel tired. It is normal for a child to want to stop and take a break. At this point, if parents cannot understand these truths, it is easy to wrongfully accuse their children and cannot solve the problem.
Myth 3: From the task to the method, arrange the child to be "clear"
In life, we must have seen such a type of parent. In order to support children's learning, everything is too big or small. The child began to write homework, and the parents helped the child to turn out various textbooks and exercise books from the bag, and guided the children to write one by one according to the homework list left by the teacher. When children write homework, parents are next to help their children sort out their school bags and check stationery. What homework the child does first, what tasks to complete, what requirements need to be met, and how much time limit are arranged. In addition, parents will also make plans for their children, from several years of planning to small tasks per week, detailed and specific. It's as if the child just needs to keep doing the problem, and nothing else matters.
Gradually, we will find that once such children leave their parents' arrangements, they will be half-hearted in writing homework, and the accuracy rate will be greatly reduced. Because they are used to the life of what their parents let them do. Children's homework is a very good opportunity to cultivate children to deal with complex tasks independently, from overall arrangement to execution to summarizing and inductive ability, time management ability, will be exercised. However, because parents control the details of their children's homework too much, children lose a good opportunity to exercise these abilities.
The famous philosopher Fromm said: "The opposite of education is manipulation. It is motivated by a lack of confidence in the growth of a child's potential, believing that only adults know what children should do and what they should not do. This is not really education. ”
As parents, we have the obligation to make life plans for our children, but we should be based on the children's own abilities and needs, and plan in line with the trend, rather than imposing arrangements on the children according to their own wishes. Children's learning is not only to learn book knowledge and write homework carefully, but to give children a certain amount of time and space, so that children have the opportunity to feel life and explore more interesting things through hard work. Excessive control of children is a kind of constraint for children, but it will limit their personality development and intellectual development.
The French Enlightenment thinker Rousseau once proposed an educational method - the "law of natural consequences". It roughly means that children can understand their mistakes by experiencing the adverse consequences of their mistakes, learn lessons, and thus improve themselves. For example, if the child is greedy and does not finish the homework, the parents do not have to urge, let the child face the teacher's inspection and punishment the next day. Children do not want to spend a lot of time on checking homework, so they should be serious and careful when writing homework, less mistakes, less rework. In doing so, the effect will be better.
Myth Four: Regardless of whether you ask or not, you can call it a good name: cultivate children's independence
This type of parent is the opposite of the situation mentioned above. They think that writing homework is the child's own business, and the school has teachers who are responsible for teaching and grading homework, and should not be worried about by parents at all. Some parents will bring out their own examples and say, "When I was a child, my parents never managed me to study, didn't I also get into college?" "Some parents will think that not interfering in their children's learning, regardless of their children's homework, is conducive to cultivating their children's independence." is a more advanced method of education.
In fact, it is unreasonable not to ask at all.
In the school, a main teacher usually takes 2 classes of children, which means that he is responsible for the study of 100 children. This configuration determines that the school's education method must be universal. If the child has obvious shortcomings in a certain aspect of learning, or the learning habits are not good, the writing is not standardized, there are many mistakes, and the parents can find and find ways to solve it in time, which will definitely be more conducive to the child's progress.
Parents want to cultivate their children's independence, and that's right. However, since the word "cultivation" is used, it means that this is not simply to let the child go unchecked, and it is necessary to consciously guide and train the child. This allows the child to have the ability to complete tasks independently. The growth of any child is gradually moving from "other control" to "self-control".
For example, children in the first grade often write inverted strokes, and the posture of holding the pen is not accurate, which not only affects the speed of writing, but also affects the beauty of the handwriting. Parents pay attention, correct and guide in this period in time, and 1-2 months can significantly improve the standardization of children's writing. Other children are prone to desertion when writing homework. If parents explain the principles and rules to their children clearly when they are in elementary school, the children will always maintain good habits. On the contrary, if parents ignore the process of companionship and do not find these problems, it is difficult for children to realize their own problems and are even less capable of correcting them. In the upper grades, small problems have solidified into bad habits, and it will be difficult to change them.
Write at the end
Combined with this fourth misunderstanding, we will make a simple summary of how parents can accompany their children to learn.
1. For children in the first and second grades who are in the early stages of learning habit formation, it is very necessary for their parents to accompany themselves. As children grow up, parents must know how to gradually let go of the links in which their children have the ability to complete tasks independently.
2, into the upper grades of primary school, the child's learning habits are basically formed, parents basically do not need to personally accompany the child to learn, more is the guidance of thinking and personality education.
3. When the child enters junior high school, the influence of parents in the child's life will be further weakened. At the same time, children have gradually entered adolescence, and parents just can't do anything about it.