Author | Inspector (1848 words, about 4 minutes to read)
The other day, my girlfriend called me to complain that it is too difficult to educate children now.
Her child was in the fourth grade, and it was too slow to write homework, so she said anxiously: "Why is it so slow to write an assignment?" Unexpectedly, the child actually said unconvincedly: "You have the ability to write and write, this problem is difficult, you certainly will not!" ”
And my girlfriend looked at the math problem, it really didn't, but in order to let the child write quickly, she yelled at him: "You have the ability to write faster!" It's not me going to school! ”
The child glanced at her with a breathless look, and my girlfriend couldn't help but sigh: the child is too difficult to manage!
I believe that many parents often encounter such a problem in life: they want to let their children do better, yell a few words, but because they are not experts, their learning ability is not as strong as their children, thus causing their children to question and not listen to their parents at all.
In the face of this situation, 80% of the mothers will be angry or suppress their children with the majesty of parents, so that the children will obey and obey, so as to establish their own authority.
★ However, can the result of "yelling and scolding" really achieve the desired effect?
● Yell at the child, the child will be more unconvinced, and the anger will accumulate in the heart
Parents are really concerned about how to get along with their children. How to better educate children, in fact, sometimes, we can "do the opposite".
Just tell them, "I won't, you'll teach me." "Showing weakness" to children, so that children have a sense of pride in being a teacher, so that they want to improve their abilities, is also a very good way to educate children.
"Strong repression" will cause a violent backlash, parents are on top, but they can not say words that convince their children, then children will not listen to their parents.
Although sometimes the child will not continue to talk back to the parents, the parents think that they have won, but the child's inner flame is beginning to gather, and at some point later, it is likely to suddenly erupt.
The weakness of parents will make children's abilities more prominent in some aspects
In addition to this phenomenon mentioned in the introduction, the famous child educator Professor Li Meijin also raised the issue of "showing weakness" in children's education in a program.
As a common method of interpersonal communication, the essence of showing weakness is to use gentle means to restrain violent reactions.
This is just a way of communicating, and it does not mean that it is necessary to be low in the process of communication.
This kind of weakness will make children feel that their ability is very prominent, which invisibly enhances children's self-confidence and makes them have a stronger interest in something.
After parents learn to show weakness, it is actually a process of letting go, which will make children get more exercise.
Showing weakness is also a means of wisdom for parents in education
In the process of parent-child relationship formation, there can be no only toughness, such a hard-hitting means will only produce a very great damage to the relationship between parents and children, and this destruction is also the beginning of the destruction of children.
For the children, they have been working hard, how good the children of other people's families are in the mouth of the parents, but the children have also been catching up, but the parents can't see it, and they don't praise the child's efforts.
Therefore, if parents refuse to show weakness in the process of education, then this tough attitude will make children feel very wronged and painful, and this pain will also make their relationship once again be destroyed.
Strong parents often cultivate children with "cowardly character"
In life, there are often parents who show off to others how obedient their children are.
But behind the obedience, it is likely that the parents are more aggressive in their daily life, and once the child will go against the parents' wishes, the parents will have a strong tough attitude, so that the child has to obey.
This kind of strong parents only force their children to listen to their own words, do not listen to the children's inner thoughts, and long-term toughness will also put the children in a weak state. When this state of weakness becomes a habit, that is, when the child becomes cowardly.
And this kind of toughness will make children form a very strong dependence on their parents, even if they are very good, it will be difficult to establish self-confidence, and everything will feel that they cannot do well.
There is also a big problem with this way of education, when children have the idea of rebellion, it is likely to use more extreme means to retaliate against their parents.
★ And showing weakness to children is also a method
● You can often ask your child for help
It is not a shameful thing for parents to seek help from their children, but it can form a very good exercise effect on their children.
For a child, what they need is not a full-time all-round parent, but a parent who can give them a care and warmth, motivation and praise.
As children grow, they will also aspire to be independent, and parents ask for help from them to give them the greatest encouragement and affirmation, so that they gradually become stronger and more confident.
● Be brave enough to admit your inadequacies
If parents behave in front of their children with omniscience and omnipotence, they will make the children feel that they can do nothing and will not reach the level of their parents, which will destroy the confidence they have built.
Instead of telling them the right answer directly, it is better to generously admit their ignorance, let the child become a teacher, and promote them to think hard, which will make the child have the motivation and sense of responsibility to seek the answer.
Spicy Mom Quotes:
In fact, it is not a bad thing to be strict with children, but if you often show a tough attitude, it will ruin your child's life.
We can't decide what difficulties our children will encounter in the future, but it is better to let go early, let children try different results, face different situations, and understand the ever-changing world. Even if they do it wrong, encourage them to start again, so that they can raise truly brave and decisive children.
Parents, are you a parent who dares to "show weakness"?
(Image from the Internet)