The famous psychologist Alfred said: "Encouraging praise is more important than anything in the process of raising children." Almost all of the causes of a child's misconduct can be considered a lack of proper encouragement and praise. A child who misbehaves is a child who is not encouraged, and the more children are encouraged, the better their behavior and character will be and the healthier they will be. ”
It is said that good children are exaggerated, and this is not false at all. The encouragement of parents will bring children courage and self-confidence, so that children will have no fear in their hearts and move forward when facing the problems in life.
However, some parents always fail to encourage the "point", and they cannot stimulate their children's motivation at all. Therefore, blind encouragement is not necessarily effective, but also pay attention to the way.
Is your way of encouraging that the child really accepts? How can we maximize the energy of encouragement? After reading the following 6 points, you will understand.
01
Encourage every progress, rather than just focusing on results
If parents only hold on to their children's results, such as their children's test results, competition results, etc., and ignore the efforts made by their children in the process, it is easy for children to feel that their parents only care about his results, not him. If the child thinks about it a little more, he even feels that his parents do not love him at all.
As a result of this, it may bring about two extreme reactions of the child. Either the child simply does not try every small effort, because he can neither see the long-term results, nor can he get the encouragement of his parents, so it is expected that there will be no good results; or the child will "do whatever it takes" to achieve the results, paying too much attention to the desired results, ignoring the enjoyment process and ignoring the enjoyment of growing happiness.
So, when the child brings the dish to the table and accidentally overturns the meal, do not blame the child for being clumsy, but encourage him: Thank you for helping your mother serve the dish, you can carry the dish so far, awesome. However, the next time you feel too hot, you can put it down first, and then put it down after a while, so that it will not spill, remember?
With such encouragement, the child can clearly know which of their actions is right and will continue to repeat them next time.
02
Encourage the attitude to be serious, and stop using "you are awesome" perfunctory
Recall, what are the words we use the most when we praise our children? "You are awesome!" "You're so smart! "You're a good boy!" "But where's the stick?" Why awesome? Praise the child is awesome, because of what he did? We don't pass on these to our children.
And these praise words that don't need to be brainy at all are simply perfunctory to our children's efforts. For a 2 or 3 year old, she puts on her own shoes and your one "You're awesome!" "It's exciting to get your child recognized.
But for a 6- or 7-year-old, when she puts her shoes on her own, you say "You're awesome!" "It will make the child think it is ironic, what a great thing to wear shoes." At this time, if you say "your bow is beautiful" such a specific praise, it will allow children to find themselves doing well, in order to truly build children's self-confidence.
Children need to be affirmed and encouraged, but superficial praise does not stimulate the child's internal motivation. Only those who are really heartfelt, realistic, pay attention to the child's inner nature, and affirm the encouragement of the child's behavior are what the child really needs.
03
Encouragement In addition to words, you can also use small props
Many parents will make a promise to their children, for example, "As many numbers or words as you write, I will give you whatever you want; as long as you can accomplish anything, you can get any reward"... Sometimes such a commitment can become a "magic obstacle" in the child's heart.
Moreover, if parents blindly use words to encourage, it is easy to make children "immune", and even if you encourage children in the future, the encouragement effect for children is not great. Moreover, the child's mind is not mature, compared to the words of encouragement, with some real delicious, fun as a small prop to encourage, their attraction is greater.
04
The selection of props is exquisite
In the past, my children had a particularly hard time memorizing ancient poems, often carrying them on their backs, and they didn't know which sentence to jump to. Later, in order to encourage the child, I promised him that if he had the right back, he would be rewarded with a small toy. At the beginning, this method was good, and the child progressed quickly, but it was also very quick to "lose his mind". All day long, in addition to memorizing poems, that is, playing with toys, other homework is not learned at all. He even learned to threaten me, and if I wanted him to learn something else, I would buy him another toy. There's nothing I can do about it.
Once shopping, found a new Master Kong ice candy Sydney beautiful word bottle, the bottle body is printed with cute cartoon characters, as well as different ancient poems, it looks very interesting, I bought home for the child to play, did not expect that he actually to the bottle on the poem, the second half of the sentence, but also secretly got a long time.
And I found that recently in the parent group, this drink seems to be popular, WeChat chat when many parents use it to interact with their children, there are also parents said to accompany their children to watch the "Dragon's Descendants" this program, but also saw the host directly with the bottle of poetry out of the question. It seems that this small bottle of drink is really useful.
Once, I was going to participate in a business competition of the company, and the child directly handed me a bottle of Master Kong's ice candy Sydney pear bottle, which I looked at and said: Hang straight to the clouds and sails to the sea. It seems that children's understanding of poetry is getting deeper and deeper, and they have learned to borrow poetry to encourage others, and I am not to mention how pleased I am as a mother. It seems that the small props are used correctly, but the effect is much greater than the encouragement of words
05
Companionship is another form of encouragement
Many children are not confident, not only because of the lack of parental encouragement, but also because of the lack of intimate relationships with parents. The child can not get intimate relationships from the parents, and he cannot get trust and security, so his defensive spirit is often very heavy, and the defensive heart is heavy, which is a manifestation of unconfidence. It is also difficult for children to establish trust and intimate relationships with others when they go to society, and it is difficult to obtain high-quality friendship and love.
Therefore, parents should accompany their children more, understand and tolerate children more, and naturally cultivate children's sense of intimacy with their parents. Usually play with children more, and when playing to relax and be happy, the purpose of education is weak, we do not give too many other educational functions to accompany children.
It is best to entertain and educate, such as watching some educational animations with children, which not only accompanies the child, but also allows the child to learn things invisibly, and the child does not feel educated.
When I recently played with my child, I accompanied him to see the cute animation of Agorunge, which not only has a cute cartoon image, but also allows children to experience the cute poetic collision through the millennium, the child has learned a lot of poetry unconsciously, and we have also spent a good parent-child time, which is really praised.
06
Encourage the child with some kind of small title
Children, they all like to listen to praise words, good words, such as when children do not want to eat, I will say: "Good children should be obedient, good children must eat well." As soon as he heard the title of "good boy," he would sit down and eat. That's the magic of small titles.
This is a small title that I give directly to my child, and I can also pass some tests or tests to let the child get the small title by himself, so that the effect of encouragement will be doubled. For example, let the child scan the bottle of Master Kong's ice candy Sydney beautiful word bottle into the word game, and after watching the magic poems of Qing Age and Runge, you can start answering questions by yourself and get the title of poetry, which can also encourage and stimulate children's interest in poetry.
Encouragement is a technical job, far less simple than we think. To be a good mother, start by learning to encourage your child.