"Dad, I want you to play with my toys..."
"Daddy is busy, go play with your mother."
"But my mother also has something to do, so she will play with me for a while."
......
Accompanying children, parents should be familiar with, but do you really understand the essence of "accompanying children"? You might say "I have every day" to accompany "children", so how do you accompany children?
Companionship can be divided into three levels, parents come to check to see which level you belong to?
NO.1
"Mission-oriented" companionship
Many parents basically belong to this level of companionship for their children, such as children who write homework as a task, and you take writing homework with your child as a task. This kind of companionship often has some obvious goals, that is, to supervise and supervise children to write homework well, to do a good job of handicrafts, to draw well, to play the piano well, to read books well...
In this process, children may not feel any fun at all, but more is rejection and dissatisfaction. When companionship becomes supervision and assessment, or even a conflict, both sides will quickly look forward to an early end.
Image source: Network
This kind of "task-type" accompanying parents often has a kind of neglect: "ignore through attention". The emphasis on all external forms and standards, such as test scores, interest class grades, reading and practicing words and understanding politeness, etc., has its advantages, because the child will also acquire some knowledge in it. But this kind of attention must not be single, because the child is sensitive in his heart, he knows what you like and will develop what you like, thus ignoring his own true feelings.
For example, if a child takes grades as a single criterion for recognition, he will not broaden his horizons, and once his grades are not ideal, he will have a strong inferiority complex. When you pay special attention to all external standards, over time the child will often have a "sense of meaninglessness", always feel that he is not understood, and no one cares about his inner thoughts. A "unseen" child will feel inferior and disappointed.
NO.2
"Chat-type" companionship
This type of form of parental companionship has changed from behavior to language, that is, often chatting and talking with children. In addition to talking about homework and grades that upset your child, there will be a wider range of relationships, moods, hobbies, and aimless small talk.
When the child is willing to chat with you, or even talk all night, it reflects that your parent-child relationship is still quite harmonious. However, the standard of chat companionship is "no pressure", and the most taboo is "projection" and "reasoning".
Image source: Network
For example, when chatting, you are telling your child what to do, how to behave in the world, what kind of friends to make, how to learn efficiently, how to set up lofty ideals, and sometimes the emotions will be passionate, becoming a self-intoxicating speech, and the child becomes the audience. Colloquialisms have also become "I think", "you should", "actually", "but", "this will be better", and your subconscious purpose is "the child has to listen to me".
Such a chat is no longer a companion, it is supposed to be a time to play, but it is taught to be disciplined, and children are certainly not willing to play with such parents. This kind of companionship is more to bring pressure to children than to relaxed and pleasant parent-child time.
NO.3
"Sensory" companionship
The highest level of companionship is not just the companionship of emotions, behaviors, and words, but the feeling of being together.
"Sensory companionship" rejects nerve bars
For example, when a little fart child actually laments the passage of time with you, you may think that it is not an excuse for not wanting to sleep, or moaning without illness, or thinking it is funny. If the parents are rough at this time, they can not see it, and even get angry that she delays your sleep, and may casually comfort "Don't think about it, go to sleep, sleep well!" ”。
Then it doesn't take a few times for the child to never do this "stupid thing" again, and she will think that not only can I not see her, but also think that her feelings are a problem.
Image source: Network
Sensitivity is the need to be moved, and accompanying children to write homework and small talk, only need to move the mind, but "feeling companionship" must be serious, let go of the things at hand to let the children feel care.
In fact, if the child does not take the initiative to reveal, you will be embarrassed to be taken seriously, and the meaning behind it is also "afraid that your sadness will not be allowed", but this is not really not needed by the child, unless you have let him experience perfunctory and repression.
"Sensory" companionship requires listening and empathy
Listen attentively to children talk about feelings, even listen to aggressive feelings about you, but also to empathize, most parents can not do, this is the biggest challenge to feeling companionship.
Only when parents really devote themselves to accompanying and understanding their children can they truly understand their children's feelings, understand the inner needs behind his words and deeds, and see their children's progress.
Such parents actually have a child in their hearts, and they know how to protect their children's imagination and childlike hearts. They will build blocks with their children, they will accompany their children to climb mountains and pick up leaves, they will swim and play ball with their children...
Image source: Network
In today's society, parents are under pressure and busy at work, and sometimes they will neglect to accompany their children, but money can be earned again, and the children's childhood time can never go back. Even if you are really busy at work, you can communicate with your children in the form of letters and messages.
The growth of children is irreversible, the time when parents accompany their children to grow up is very precious, in childhood, the best love that parents give their children is companionship.
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