Usually, when walking babies in the community, I often hear some mothers talking about the elderly with children at home:
Mother A: "My mother-in-law is too doting on children, so I am strict with children, like abusing children." As long as I take care of the children, the mother-in-law will protect them, which is very uncomfortable. The child seems to be kissing her more now. ”
Mother B: "Yes, yes, our old man is eager to rob the child with me, he is not willing to give up when he sleeps at night, I don't want to rob her, the relationship is frozen, she gives up and I can't do anything." ”
Mother C: "The in-laws in our family, no culture, do not say that they do not pay attention to hygiene, really do not trust the children to hand over to them to bring!" ”
These complaints and complaints are all about the topic of "intergenerational upbringing", which is very Chinese characteristics, and when it comes to this matter, many parents will feel like they are facing a great enemy, or even bitter and bitter.
Today, however, we want to say a few words of justice to the elderly in the intergenerational upbringing! Mother-in-law and mother-in-law are mothers, hard to help us with children, why should we blame them?
01
To be fair to the elderly:
Generational parenting is not without merit
There is a saying: "There is an old family, and there is a treasure in the race".
Indeed, if nothing else, is the daily pick-up and drop-off of children, the preparation of food and drink for children, playing with children, daily chores, etc., which matter is not cumbersome and does not require a lot of time and energy to deal with?
The elderly not only save us a lot of time and energy, but also the unique advantages in parenting should not be ignored by us.
Advantage one: the elderly are more or less experienced in nursing
Many elderly people, their advantages in child care are obvious. For example, my mother-in-law's extensive experience has helped me so much that I am less busy when I am a new mom.
When my son was 8 months old, he suddenly had a high fever of 38.5 degrees for unknown reasons, and my father and I were in a hurry and wanted to be taken to the hospital immediately. The mother-in-law observed the child's mental state and told us not to worry, first carry out physical cooling, as long as the child has no other symptoms, it may be a pediatric rash. Sure enough, two days later, the child suddenly had a fever, and a lot of red rashes appeared on his body, which was indeed a pediatric rash.
There are many things like this, such as:
- Don't let us wear too much for the child, don't cover the child, but can't be cold to the small belly;
- Teach us to touch the palms of our hands, feet, and vests to feel the heat and cold of our children;
- At a very young age, it begins to cultivate the good habit of drinking water for children;
- When teaching us to add complementary foods, steamed eggs only need egg yolks, do not put salt...
These are valuable lessons.
Advantage two: the elderly have a more peaceful mentality, more time, and a higher quality of companionship
After going to work, parents are also stressed at work, emotionally nervous, anxious, etc., often treating their children's things, and they seem to have no patience at all.
Relatively speaking, the mentality of the elderly is more peaceful and the time is more abundant.
In the relationship with children more calmly, less mixed with negative emotions, can be wholeheartedly involved in games and activities with children, more calm to listen to the children's voices, more communication with children, so as to better understand and meet the needs of children, which is often holding mobile phones with their children's parents can not reach.
Advantage three: the elderly with the baby greatly save family expenses
I believe that this can be recognized by many people.
Now most parents have to go to work, if there is no elderly to help with children, you have to hire a nanny, the current full-time nanny salary will not be less than 5,000 yuan, big cities may be more.
If the nanny takes the child to kindergarten, according to the standard of 3 years, the cost of asking for a nanny is: 5000 * 12 * 3 = 180,000 yuan, which is also a big expense for the average working family.
Coupled with the daily life, the elderly buy children clothes, shoes, toys, snacks, fruits, etc., these are calculated, when the parents really have to be satisfied.
Advantage four: the elderly with the baby is more reassuring to parents
Who else can bring their children and reassure their parents than grandparents and grandparents?
With the development of the media, many nannies have been exposed for abusing their children, such as:
- Some nannies secretly beat children;
- Some nannies add sleeping pills to their children's milk powder in order to let their children sleep well;
- Some nannies even play with their children while playing with their mobile phones;
- Not to mention that there are also traffickers who snatch their children directly from the nannies and then go away...
In addition, the quality of the nanny is also uneven, and no one is willing to use their own children as a test for the nanny. The elderly in each family are absolutely wholehearted and dedicated to bringing children and being good to children.
02
Is there a pro or con for generational parenting
The key depends on the parents
Of course, there are still many people who say that since there are so many benefits of intergenerational parenting, why are there still such problems and conflicts in intergenerational parenting?
Moreover, not all elderly people understand parenting knowledge and can reassure their parents, and the quality of the elderly is also uneven.
What we want to say is that whether intergenerational parenting is pros or cons, the key is still dependent on parents, not that the elderly help you with children, you can completely shake your hands and do not ask anything.
In the supermarket, a young boy asked to buy a toy car, and his parents refused: "There are already several cars of the same type in the family, and they can't buy anymore." But the child did not forgive, sitting on the ground, crying and shouting: "Grandparents said, I want everything they buy, I don't want you to care, I want grandparents!" The parents were angry, pulled off the toy, dragged the child away, and kept counting: "It's the grandparents who spoil you!" ”
Is it really the old man who spoils the child?
I think this question should be looked at in two.
In the process of taking children, the elderly will indeed have more doting, which will make children appear to have no rules.
But this is not entirely the fault of the elderly, and it is actually irresponsible for parents to take this charge on the elderly.
Because parents are the first responsible persons for the problem of children's upbringing.
The elderly are more of a care and companion for children in life, and parents should become the leader of children's growth, the shaper of the soul, and the cultivator of good character.
However, many parents have delegated the responsibility of raising their children to the elderly, who not only take care of all the matters of childcare, but even become the decision-makers and masters of child-rearing. That's the problem.
Here are a few suggestions for you:
❶ Have family meetings, communicate with the elderly, and make rules for children.
Explain to the elderly why we have such rules with our children, and in any case, everyone should be consistent to strictly enforce them.
❷ When parents accompany their children, the quality must be high!
Don't play with mobile phones, don't watch TV, wholeheartedly accompany your children to read books, play games, etc., and establish an emotional connection with your children, so that children can get a sense of security and satisfaction from you.
❸ Find something for the elderly to do, so that they don't "rely on" the children too much and refuse to let go. Be clear that the primary caregiver of a child must be the parent, not the elderly.
❹ Parents should have a clear and unambiguous understanding of what the elderly can and cannot do, and do not have expectations for the elderly that are higher than the ability of the elderly. For example, we can let the elderly pick up and drop off children, but we can't ask the elderly to help us take care of our children's homework and so on.
The last thing we would like to say is:
In any case, when it comes to treating children, the elderly and our ideas are definitely the same, and they all love children and hope that they will grow up healthily.
Although the elderly will have some inappropriate methods in parenting, and there will be some conflicts with the advanced and scientific parenting concepts advocated by parents, I hope that parents can better understand the hardships of the elderly in child-rearing life and the benefits brought to the family.
When encountering some intergenerational parenting conflicts, with a grateful heart, communicate with the elderly more, discuss and discuss the parenting of children together, rather than first start complaining and then face the problem with resentment.
Old people give up a comfortable lifestyle to help us, bringing more happiness and dedication to young parents and young children.
If your family is also an elderly person helping to bring children, please complain less and communicate more! Be less picky and be more grateful!
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