Since winning the Olympic gold medal, 18-year-old Girl Gu Ailing, who has a bright smile, has brushed the screen.
This wave of traffic has swept for two days, from the little girl's talent and active efforts, to the mother's iron and still need to be hard, and then to the female strength that has been passed down for generations, even the father who avoids talking about it is also guessing several rounds, and the 360-degree interpretation has almost no room to play, but I still want to write some of my own feelings.
The first impression is that I can't even catch up with the rubbing heat, so grinding and rubbing execution, even if I am given a genius child like Gu Ailing, I can't raise a world champion.
Look at how powerful the mother is.
Yan Gu, a graduate of Peking University, studied in the United States with the Auburn University Full Prize for Biochemistry and Molecular Biology, studied Molecular Genetics at Rockefeller University, and received an MBA from Stanford Graduate School of Business. Gu Yan's mother, Gu Ailing's "grandmother", graduated from Shanghai Jiao Tong University in her early years and worked as a senior engineer in the Ministry of Transport. It is said that his genetic father was also a high-achieving student who graduated from Harvard University.
Without repeating it one by one, this belongs to the hard power that cannot be copied, the accumulation of generations, the art of reincarnation, the innate good genes, Gu Ailing is definitely a once-in-a-lifetime genius. To be honest, none of us in ordinary families has the luxury of replicating a genius. What we envy even more is how this 18-year-old girl can maintain an optimistic and confident mentality and indomitable qualities under heavy pressure, setbacks, and pains, how she can love life so vigorously and embrace challenges, and what we want to know more is whether ordinary children in ordinary families can also walk on their own life path like her, and as parents, how should we guide.
Here are my three impressions on the soft power of Gu Ailing's family education.
The power of emotions to provide stable psychological support for children
Freestyle skiing, as an extreme sport, is extremely risky.
Gu Ailing has broken his collarbone, cracked foot bone, fall concussion, torn ligaments, crushed fractures of hand bones, and major injuries and minor injuries during training are also commonplace. Even Gu Yan, the mother who accompanied her all the way, couldn't watch it later, she said that she couldn't watch the scene, she could only watch the replayed video, and all her attention was only on whether Gu Ailing landed safely at the moment when her daughter jumped.
When the mother knows that when the child is sick, injured and failed, how uncomfortable the child is, how anxious the mother's heart is, and the expression will fall into two kinds of misunderstandings.
Panic: "What to do?" What to do? "The six gods have no master, and the children are also anxious and worried."
Reproach: "Tell you not to do this, don't listen?" That's it, right? The tone of resentment makes the child both remorseful and angry.
These are all manifestations of parents themselves not being able to control their emotions very well. In fact, under normal circumstances, the condition of our children is far less serious than gu Ailing, but even if the homework is not concentrated, the exam is broken, the cold and fever can not go to school and other "small problems", we have been anxious to have a surge in high blood pressure and heart attack, and it is not uncommon to shout at the child. In the final analysis, as adults, we fail to control our emotions, and then we transmit such emotions to children, forming a vicious circle.
See how Gu Yan does it. In order to prepare for the Winter Olympics, the competitive Gu Ailing was eager to improve her skills, hit the wall when challenging to jump 3 meters, both frustrated and aggrieved, and when she called her mother afterwards, she pretended to be relaxed and said: "Because height is my advantage, I feel that I should also practice this height." In fact, she was very irritable.
And mother Gu Yan's unhurried composure found an outlet for Gu Ailing's irritability and uneasiness.
Gu Yan said: "It is difficult to jump straight, don't put too much pressure on yourself, you have to be gradual, continuous, and make a little progress every day, and at that time you will definitely do a good job." ”
We always say how important emotional intelligence is, but in fact, emotional intelligence is not at all how thoughtful people are or how smooth they are to talk and do things, but the ability to control emotions. Feel your own emotions, analyze your own emotions, relieve your emotions, do not let your emotions affect others, and even feel the emotions of others and give appropriate comfort.
It can be said that Gu Ailing's ability to quickly recover from failure and pain, still smiling and facing challenges, is inseparable from the stable emotional strength of her mother Gu Yan.
Give for the child but don't put pressure on the child
"You don't have to thank me when you grow up, you don't owe me anything, I just want to thank you."
On weekends and holidays of every ski season, Gu Yan will drive 8 hours round trip to take Gu Ailing to the Lake Tahoe Ski Resort. Such insistence is not a month or two months, not a year or two, but more than a decade, leaving aside the huge economic expenditure, it is unimaginable to pay time and energy alone.
It's hard to give, but it's even harder not to put pressure on your child after you give it.
In the process of raising children, we often have such thoughts, "If it is not for you, I will be how I am", or "how hard I work for you, if you are not good, I am sorry for me at all". In this way, even if it is not spoken, the child can feel it. Under the pressure and guilt, even if the "sensible" child has achieved success, he can not enjoy pure joy, but is relieved, which is why some children begin to "let go" of themselves after being admitted to prestigious schools, which is the rebound after similar pressure. Of course, more children are under a heavy burden, and their psychology is gradually distorted and collapsed.
For the child's payment, it is best to follow the principle of "no regrets", no matter whether you "win or lose" after paying, do not complain, your payment is your own willingness. Otherwise, the pay with excessive expectations is not for the sake of the child, but for the sake of moving oneself.
Parents and children cherish each other's fate, and no one needs to feel that they owe anyone.
Vigorous vitality, "never give up learning for a lifetime"
Gu Yan's teaching to her daughter is that you can not score a hundred points, you can not go to Stanford, but you must insist on studying for a lifetime.
Gu Ailing is indeed constantly learning and trying new things, basketball, trail running, horseback riding, archery, surfing and rock climbing, ballet, singing and piano, even if she is trapped at home, she can find new joys in climbing trees and shoveling snow.
Of course, this is also because of the power of words and deeds, Gu Yan himself did it first.
In the early 1980s, Gu Yan enrolled in the Chemistry Department of Peking University, studied in the United States in her twenties, from Auburn University to Rockefeller University, and then changed to the financial field, worked for Wall Street Lehman Brothers Investment Company, like sports, served as a short track speed skater at Peking University, and worked as a part-time ski instructor in the United States. Around the age of 40, he gave birth to Gu Ailing alone, and the child was three months old and carried it to the ski resort. At the beginning, Gu Ailing was just a companion for her mother Gu Yan when she skied by herself. Later, Gu Yan founded her own venture capital company and became an investment expert.
Even if her daughter Gu Ailing is not an Olympic champion, her mother Gu Yan's own life is already rich enough, and with this "tossing and turning", it can be said that half a lifetime has lived out the wonderful lives of others.
On the other hand, do we buy books like mountains and read books like silk, just want to turn a few pages of books, I think it is better to brush the phone for a while to relax? Are you often uninterested in a lot of things, and think that new things are synonymous with trouble? Is it always reassuring yourself that people are not useful for studying in middle age anyway, and the brain is not very bright? We ourselves live a twilight life first, so don't blame the children for looking old-fashioned.
The vitality of this thing is actually related to genes, some people are born with energy density and love to toss, some people have small energy density and want to lie flat, but we still have to try to broaden the dimensions of life within the scope of our own ability, 80-year-old people can teach themselves video editing, we don't always have to take people to middle age as a shield isn't it? After all, getting along day and night is a kind of learning, and we are the objects of children's imitation.
Personality can be introverted, the body and brain still have to be active.
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Emotional stability, manage your emotions, and don't let anxiety and anger affect your child;
Do not pressure the child, do not make the child feel indebted;
Have a strong vitality, the courage to try new things, and encourage and guide children to work together.
These three points are the educational methods that our ordinary families can also learn from Gu Yan, but it is easier said than done, and the reason why I said that I can't raise a world champion for Gu Ailing is not only because there is no one's strong economic hard power, but also because even the above three soft powers are not qualified. And the root of it all is that it's too tight and too concerned about the outcome.
As a parent, physical maturity is far from enough, and psychological preparation is even more necessary. We must have an open mind to meet the child's various possibilities, to try to experience, parents first of all to be emotionally stable, cheerful and confident, there is no need to give themselves too much pressure, so that we will not pass the pressure on the child.
Gu Yan said, "My education for Gu Ailing is that the first is to sleep, the second is to study, and the third is to play. "Perhaps, we can start from the simplest step, children and adults first sleep a good night's sleep, sleep well the mood will not be too bad, the mood will be stable, the brain will work more efficiently, the vision of the world is more friendly, and everything that plagues children and adults will be solved."
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