Taking a shower in the bathhouse, I ran into my girlfriend and her father in the bathroom! Just out of the bath, her father took out a box of cigarettes and gave them to me. I was embarrassed to say, "Uncle I can't smoke!" Her dad said, ".

Taking a shower in the bathhouse, I ran into my girlfriend and her father in the bathroom! Just out of the bath, her father took out a box of cigarettes and gave them to me. I was embarrassed to say, "Uncle I can't smoke!" Her father said, "Don't pretend to me, I'm not sure who I'm going to give my daughter to." "I listened, thought about it, and took out the box of Chinese from the cabinet!" He said, "Uncle 15 cigarettes I can't get used to, come and smoke mine." ”

2, my wife said to me worriedly: "I feel fat again!" I looked at her small body of more than 90 pounds and said vigilantly: "Where there is, not fat at all!" She shook her head, "Don't comfort me!" Really fat! Or you buy me a new bag, so that others will only pay attention to my bag, not my fat! ”

3) Some people always say that love is based on material things. And I don't think so, just take me. Last year was the peak of my life, I opened three listed companies, met my current wife, and got married. Today, however, the investment failed, and all three companies went bankrupt. But my wife did not give up on me and has always been by my side. At that moment, I had an epiphany: those should be tuition, I decided, and then asked my father for 1 billion, I said I didn't believe it, I wouldn't make a comeback!

4, the company has a female colleague is particularly strong, the boss scolded her, she came out to me and said: "Brother, don't look at the joy of his scolding, believe it or not, I can be the boss lady, I can also be the boss's wife, everything depends on my mood." "I told the boss the original words, and the boss was scared at once, and assigned me a task to take down this female colleague in the shortest time. I was afraid that the boss would scold me, so I used three days to chase after the female colleague, thinking that the boss was safe, and I was safe. As a result, as soon as the boss scolded her, she said that she should scold and be the boss's wife.

Later, this word somehow spread to the boss's father, who came to see it and said that he was very satisfied with the female colleague, but also said that he was not divorced at present, and if he wanted, he could wait for more than ten or twenty years. After a few days, the boss's daughter-in-law also came, and she scolded her female colleagues for not learning well.

Female colleagues let me help her out, but the boss's daughter-in-law's side I did not dare to offend, the last time I accidentally said the wrong thing, she did not cook for me for several days, but also let me kneel on the remote control, let me rest alone on the sofa. In short, offending the boss's daughter-in-law is really more than worth the loss for me. As for the female colleague, she is unstable, and she wants to be the boss's wife at every turn, and she has to get by, just as if she is worried about the boss.

5, today's blind date, he came to put the BMW car key on the table, and embarrassed to say: "Sorry, the car was driven to maintain a bit, the result is late." ”

I didn't have any waves in my heart: "It's okay"

He looked at me and scratched his head: "Beauty, we seem to have met somewhere, please don't misunderstand, I am by no means close to the set, very familiar"

"I believe you, yesterday when you rented the car or I received you, I rented for a day and specially maintained it, I have a heart."

6, watching TV with my sister-in-law at night, I asked my sister-in-law how she met my brother. My sister-in-law recalled the past and said, "Once, I fell into the water and almost drowned, but fortunately a young man jumped into the water and saved me. After two months, we were married, and luckily your brother could swim. I looked puzzled: "But why does my brother always advise me bitterly not to learn to swim?" ”

7, today's cold, to the downstairs pharmacy to buy masks, I wore them while saying to the clerk: "Now everything is cutting corners, even a cloth mask is the same."

The mask I bought last time here can still cover my entire face, and now half of my face can't cover it. ”

Only to see the clerk sister glanced at me, said with a bad smile: "Sister, our mask is a specification, you have not thought about it, is not the problem of masks?" ”

I:.....

8, the company has a very beautiful female secretary, but we all know that she is married, but there are still many men who have a crush on her, for example, I am one of them. On this day, I heard that the secretary's husband had a car accident, and the injury was not light, and the boss asked me to take some gifts on behalf of the company to visit. Came to the hospital just saw the secretary feeding medicine to her husband, I don't know why, I saw this picture, a scene appeared in my mind, and I was anxious to say: "Don't drink!" ”

They were stunned at once, the atmosphere was a little awkward, and in a hurry, I took the spoon and drank it, and said softly to her husband: "Brother, I just tasted it for you, and it was not hot." Afterwards, the secretary sent me out of the ward and said, "There is a thief's heart and no thief's guts... Hurry back, remember to tell the boss for me, I will go to work in three days, let him not think too much about me..." I nodded and agreed, but I always felt that something was wrong?

9, a woman in the community has beaten the fetus six times, resulting in her inability to have children. Her husband abandoned her and married a beautiful female college student. The woman was particularly depressed and ran to the top of the building to cry and jump. Many people tried to persuade her, but in the end, a seven- or eight-year-old child saved her life! Because the child pointed at her and shouted to his father: Daddy! You see, that aunt is running out of dresses! When the woman heard it, she screamed and went straight back!

10, the nephew of the primary school is addicted to the Internet, the sister-in-law knows that after getting angry, she directly beat the little nephew to the hospital.

That time I went to the hospital to visit my little nephew, just in time for the doctor's round.

I heard the doctor tell my sister-in-law: In recent times, you can't turn on the air conditioner for the patient, you can't blow the fan, you can't eat spicy, you can't drink cold, you can't eat sweet.

The sister-in-law whispered: Why don't you let anything dry, don't let you eat anything?

The nurse next to you said: Big sister, this is a good thing, if the doctor makes you want to eat what you want, do whatever you want, then you will give up treatment!