1. There is a female colleague in the company who has just divorced, and the pursuit of men is a lot, so she asked me: "Brother, why do you say so many men chase me?" But I always felt that they were not really sincere.

1. There was a female colleague in the company who had just divorced, and she pursued a lot of men, so she asked me: "Brother, why do you say so many men chase me?" But I always felt that they were not really sincere. I sneered and said, "Just so you know!" The female colleague suddenly shook my hand and said, "Brother, or you can chase me!" "I refused, although I am single, but I do not want to chase her, she just divorced and shared with me, if I also chase her, she must be pampered and proud, take the opportunity to offer to let me bear the rent alone." 」 Of course, this is not a big problem, after all, it is more than 5,000 yuan a month, I am worried that she will get me, and then use this as an opportunity to further control my pay card. You may not know that I am the company's technology bull, the monthly salary is 20K, so much money I am reluctant to give her. Female colleagues were rejected by me, seemed a little sad, in the afternoon actually took leave, when I came home from work, she had prepared a table of sumptuous dinner, there were two bottles of red wine on the table, I was suddenly vigilant, when eating was stunned that I did not drink, female colleagues seemed to be more lost, when cleaning up the dishes and chopsticks has been weeping, and then she questioned me: "Brother, you look down on me so much, afraid of getting drunk I get you?" I said, "You have so many suitors, not many of me!" The female colleague said: "But I like you, I don't know why so many people chase me?" I said, "You manage yourself as an empress, and naturally attract the emperor, and you manage yourself as a princess, and naturally attract the prince; you manage yourself as you are now, and naturally attract flies..."

2. Today, my sister-in-law called me to go to her house for dinner after school, and when I arrived, I saw my brother with a bald head, and I couldn't help but smile and ask my brother how to become a bald head? He smiled and didn't speak. When my brother was cooking, he asked me to help with the handles. My brother was very skilled in cooking, skillfully pouring oil, putting meat, turning the pot, the fire, and the poof came up, which frightened me. Originally wanted to hold a hand, but the sister-in-law scolded: You only had a fever yesterday, and you don't want your head today?

3. My sister-in-law recently had a fight with her husband, who came to me to complain. Drinking together in the evening, the sister-in-law's husband looked bitter. Say: I already know that my sister-in-law's temper is so smelly, and I applied for a return! Me: In my experience, returns cannot be returned, but they can be guaranteed! The sister-in-law's husband's eyes suddenly lit up: how to warrant? I took out a business card and handed it to him: you are injured, you can find her uncle, orthopedic doctor to repair it for free, our husband has long been good, the service is good, 4S fixed point maintenance.?

4. Because I have a bad fox odor, I am 36 years old and don't even have a girlfriend. The other day I gave my colleague two soft Chinese and asked him to introduce me to my girlfriend. The colleague was quite interesting enough to introduce his ex-wife who still had the charm to me. The two of us had a good conversation and it didn't take long to establish a relationship. On the evening of tanabata, I took her to a five-star restaurant for dinner. After sitting down, the girlfriend picked up the menu and looked at it. She saw that her favorite dishes were all in the high-end column, so she asked me: How much do you love me? I looked at the menu and replied: I saw more than the corned beef, but not the grilled lobster.

5. When I was in high school, I had a Chinese teacher who liked to spit and often spit during class. One day, while he was in class, a student was dozing off there. When the teacher saw it, he reminded, "How does this classmate doze off, is he not interested in chinese language classes?" Student: "My interest in language is stronger than the phlegm you spit." ”

6. After Lan Xiang graduated, his brother-in-law was signed to become a game anchor. Later, he used the more than 3 million yuan he earned in two years to open a barbershop. Today, while I was resting, I went to my brother-in-law's shop to perm my hair. After the ironing was finished, I was waiting to dry it, and here came a girl. Since she sat down, her brother-in-law has been selling her all kinds of packages: "Oh, this 5800 hair dye package is really suitable for you, you must look good when you dye it!" Seeing that the sister was about to be deceived, I couldn't help but say to the sister: "Don't believe him, just grow up like you, dyeing nothing is useless!" ”

7. Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into the shower, washing and washing her and saying: You don't take off your pants, I thought you were a man...

8. When I was in school, I lived in the school because the school was far away from home. There is a strange roommate in the dormitory, who sleeps during the day and always makes strange noises when he does not sleep at night. Many times I was woken up by my strange housemate in the middle of the night, and I was very unhappy. So I smashed the principal's car glass with another roommate, and went back to the dormitory to text the principal with the strange roommate's mobile phone: This time is to teach you a lesson.

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