Author | Time is light
Source | Bee mound
ID | fengmeng2019
Respect your children and get along with them on an equal footing
Recently, I saw a video of a young girl beating her mother on Weibo.
At one point, I thought it was a child who didn't know the rules, had no gratitude, and even had a little disdain for the girl, but after understanding the beginning and end of the matter, I began to sympathize with her, even though she was not right to hit her mother.
It turned out that the girl and her mother agreed to buy a new mobile phone, the girl out of 4,000 yuan, the mother out of 2,000 yuan. When the child's uncle said that the old mobile phone could still be repaired, the mother repented on the spot.
The two people began to argue from the mobile phone store, until they quarreled outside the store, the daughter was aggrieved to cry, the passers-by gradually gathered around, and those who did not know why stood on the side of the mother and pointed at the girl.
When the mother saw the situation, she even muttered in public to count the girls, and passers-by listened to the mother's one-sided words, and could not help but think that the girl was too willful and wasteful, and even some passers-by said things like "girls can't get used to it".
Image source: Panorama Vision
Zheng Yuanjie, the king of fairy tales, once said: "If you want to destroy a child, you should show his ugliness in public, damage him in front of outsiders, degrade him, and let him have no place for himself." ”
In public, the girl became the center of everyone's criticism, and some even picked up their mobile phones and began to take pictures and videos, which was more in line with the mother's wishes. The girl was very frightened, she urged her mother to hurry up, but her mother stomped her feet on the road toothstone, holding the handlebars with both hands and not moving, attracting more people to come and condemn her daughter and prove that she was right not to buy her a mobile phone.
Finally, the girl couldn't stand it, she sat in the back seat of the electric car and pushed her mother, hitting her mother the head, how crazy her behavior was, how turbulent her heart was.
Dong Jinyu wrote in the book "The Law of Cultivating Excellent Children": "People's self-esteem is like a human backbone, and if a person wants to live with dignity, he must raise his head and stand up. ”
There are no small things in the world of children, and they also have faces.
Education should not be meant to hurt. To educate children, we should first respect children, get along with children on an equal footing, and protect their self-esteem.
A child whose self-esteem has been violently trampled will shrink himself into a shell like a snail, and how can a child without a strong heart have the strength to fight against the outside world?
Empathize with education and avoid creating artificial frustrations
Lejia once took her 4-year-old daughter to participate in a "Daddy take me to the desert" activity, although the daughter has been shouting sleepy and tired, the thigh rash, the soles of the feet grind out blisters, can not sleep well at night, but Lejia did not compromise, the father and daughter still completed the goal of 4 days and 76 kilometers. On Weibo, Lejia proudly wrote: "Success, when Ling'er reached the end, she was in tears! ”
This caused a lot of controversy at the time, the torture of the flesh aside, some netizens worried that the amount of exercise of 20 kilometers a day will not affect the child's bone development, will not lead to the wear and tear of bone and joints, after all, the child is too small.
At the 13th NetEase Education Golden Wing Award Ceremony, Dr. Tao Yong shared his experience in frustration education, and he suggested that for normal children, parents do not need to deliberately engage in setback education.
The Austrian psychologist Adler said: "Happy people use childhood to heal their lives, and unfortunate people use their lives to heal their childhood." ”
Certain moments of happiness in childhood do nourish our lives, make us feel warm and gain strength. Obviously, artificial frustration education cannot achieve this goal.
Si Zhu is a 12-year-old girl who suffered from her mother's frustrated education, and since I can remember, my mother has often beaten her, sometimes three or four times a week, each lasting an hour or two. Si Zhu couldn't change his mother, so he came to the "Four Famous Helpers" program for help.
Mom said: "The girl is to temper more, to be independent, strong, not too squeamish, not too spoiled, to give her as much frustration as possible, otherwise she will not be able to withstand the blow in the future." ”
Without Si Zhu's knowledge, the mother let her uncle take her to the desert, known as "wilderness survival", in those four days and three nights, the 12-year-old girl was afraid and helpless, she felt a deep sense of powerlessness and despair, but the mother did not understand her daughter at all, but blindly educated her daughter according to her own ideas.
Such a family, passing on to the child is not love and warmth, but indifference, even coldness. Si Zhu had a thought, that is, he would never come back after being admitted to college.
In fact, every child from childhood to adulthood is experiencing setbacks, they will have a variety of comparisons in private, than eating and wearing, than travel, than achievements, and even more than who friends, perhaps every child in interpersonal communication will have a certain sense of frustration, but parents think that these are small things.
Therefore, it is not necessary to create additional setbacks, what parents need to do is to give their children a lot of love, so that children feel warm, only in this way can they have the confidence to fight against the outside world.
Don't be a narcissistic parent, let the child really be themselves
Liu Xiaolei's father, Liu Jun, is a narcissistic parent who meets his own needs.
Liu Jun turned out to be a business executive, and he resigned in order to better educate his son. He built a museum for his children, carved English letters for his son with vegetables, established a growth album for his son, and spent all his time and energy on the children.
Liu Xiaolei did not live up to his father's expectations, and his academic performance was very good, but he also had his own troubles.
Before he went to kindergarten, he needed to speak English at home; at the age of 3, his father asked him to express his needs by drawing; and even when he went to play with his classmates, he also needed to bring back the scraps of his classmates, because his father did not have a job, and his income basically depended on selling waste and tips from fans.
Liu Xiaolei scored double perfect scores in reading and speaking on the TOEFL first test, but he chose to commit suicide after being admitted to a well-known university in the United States, which can't help but be lamented.
Liu Jun, like Shang Ailan, is highly dedicated and highly controlled to their children, but this love is more to meet their own needs.
Children have never been our appendages, nor should they become a tool for achieving our ideals.
Julia Cook, a well-known American parenting expert and children's book author, once said: "If you want to teach a child well, you must enter the child's world and learn to understand life from his perspective." ”
Every child is a treasure given by God to parents, we should cherish these short years, understand children more, find more suitable educational methods for their children, so that they can grow up healthy and happy.