1. In the morning, taking the bus, the driver suddenly braked sharply. So I was attacked by a girl, scratched my face fiercely, and instantly felt my face burning with pain! Sister

1. In the morning, taking the bus, the driver suddenly braked sharply. So I was attacked by a girl, scratched my face fiercely, and instantly felt my face burning with pain! Sister: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Me: There is no bloodshed, or I can't account for it if I don't go back. Sister: There was no bleeding, my nails were broken. An aunt next to me said: Boy, it's not simple, that hard scratch, there is no bleeding, your face is really strong! Isn't that like you're praising me!?

2. Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into the shower, washing and washing her and saying: You don't take off your pants, I thought you were a man...

3. In the airfield, the plane has landed and is still taxiing, and the passengers all stand up to take their luggage. For safety the stewardess said on the radio: "Ladies and gentlemen, our plane is still taxiing, please sit down and close the overhead luggage rack." As a result, a hurried broadcast became: "Ladies and gentlemen, our plane is gliding OK..." At this time, the captain of the "ding-dong" said: "Who is praising me?" "It caused the people on the plane to laugh.

4. Use my credit card to help my sister-in-law pay back 150,000 yuan of flowers, and my wife will have a big fight with me after she knows. My wife slapped me twice and smashed my glasses to the ground. I may feel that there is no face in the house, and I have been holding back for a long time, staring at my wife viciously, and my face is red. Roar: You lose my glasses!

5. Took two bottles of Wuliangye and went to the father-in-law's house to eat. When I arrived, I found my brother-in-law sitting on the couch with a depressed face. I asked him what was wrong, and he said with a bitter face: "Today I was too back, I didn't stand still on the bus, I lost a handful of my uncle's hair, and I lost 36,000!" I was shocked: "Yo, this hair is so expensive?" The brother-in-law sighed, "Then he is not satisfied, saying that it was not easy to plant it." ”

6. The girlfriend raised a fat orange, and the cat was fat and often touched the things at home, and was not beaten less. Usually, as soon as it makes a mistake, it will be thrown out of the window by the neck. Once I was playing at her house, the cat came in and wandered around, and a paw accidentally knocked the Coke over. Then it looked straight at the girlfriend for a few seconds, slowly walked to the window sill, and planted it on its side...

7. I went to the Mercedes-Benz 4S store to buy a car, looked at an E300L, and felt very high-grade. I asked the sales manager how much it was and the manager said 470,000. Can I say 46.9 million? The sales manager agreed. I transferred 470,000 to him and said: Don't look for it, the rest should be a tip. No way, I also want to keep a low profile, but having money is willful!

8. The sister-in-law is beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I said indignantly, Am I that kind of person? Then I went out the door breathlessly. Just after arriving at the door of the community, a strange young woman pulled me aside. The young woman said that she had come here for a tour, and that her mobile phone and wallet had been stolen. Tell me to do well and lend her 50 bucks. She was hungry and wanted to have dinner. I was surprised and said, does it cost 50 yuan for dinner? I'll give you ten bucks, there's a bun shop over there, two bucks for a meat bun, and you can buy five. The young woman nodded and said, ten dollars is fine. 

9. Today my brother asked me: How did I catch up with my beautiful sister-in-law in the first place? I said it was a beautiful encounter. It was after a rain, when I was driving, I saw a beautiful person in a long white dress in front of me, I was very excited, I unconsciously slammed the throttle to the drunk, when I passed her, the muddy water splashed her body, the white clothes were instantly translucent, she squatted on the ground and cried, and then I comforted her to let her get in the car first, took her to buy clothes, and then met your sister-in-law who sold clothes!

2. 10. Fa Xiao has not saved up money in futukang for five years, and is determined to start a business! He took his grandfather's pension and set up a stall in the night market, selling eggs and cakes. A month later, business was booming, but I felt that one person was too tired and was ready to recruit a waiter! So he released a recruitment information on 58: "I recruit a female assistant, require a bachelor's degree, unmarried, age 18 to 23, height of more than 165, weight of about 45 kilograms, sweet looks, affinity, working for five hours, package food and housing, high salary, commission, mainly to help the boss collect RMB, chat with the boss in spare time, the boss is single, there is a car and a house, young and more gold." ”

11. Yesterday my son's kindergarten classmates came to my house to play, and when I came home, I watched the little girl carrying a bucket of water and pouring it on my piano, and she was ashamed to tell me to wash the piano. I scolded her angrily, and her mother said that I had a lot of things and did not know how to love and care for children, and scolded me. When they left, I called your bear child over and gave a red envelope and said, "This is the reward for washing the piano, remember that the bigger the piano, the more the reward, you can't tell your mother, otherwise she will confiscate it!" A month later, the kid poured Coke in a 680,000-piece dress-up Triangle at the mall.

12. I asked my father, "Daddy, am I your biological son?" Father: "Don't doubt, of course it is!" Me: "Then I want to buy Huawei MateXs, drunk low match can be." Father: "The snow was particularly heavy that day, and when I was on the way with your mother, I heard movement in the garbage can next to me..." I: "Dad, I have money myself." Father: "I walked over with your mother and looked, it turned out to be a dog." Me: "But there are still ten thousand pieces left." Father: "The dog is holding you in its mouth!" ”

13. When I was studying at the same table, I listened to the Walkman, and was caught by the teacher and called the parents. As a result, my classmate appeared in front of the teacher with a small fart with a runny nose and a lollipop. Say: Teacher, this is my uncle. Turning back to the back of the little fart child's head patted a little, uncle, quickly call the teacher good, you know to eat! Suddenly the teacher's face was colorful...

#Funny##搞笑段子 #