1 I made a fortune raising pigs, replaced Wuling with a Range Rover, and rear-ended a Maserati icon as soon as I came out of the 4S store. The beautiful young woman in the car said: "Ten thousand yuan is private?" I looked at her

1 I made a fortune raising pigs, replaced Wuling with a Range Rover, and rear-ended a Maserati icon as soon as I came out of the 4S store. The beautiful young woman in the car said: "Ten thousand yuan is private?" I looked at the butt of her car, collapsed a large piece, and thought, "Isn't this worth losing 100 pigs?" Ten thousand dollars? And this good thing! I was muttering to myself. The young woman said, "If you can't, just look for the traffic police and take insurance?" It's just too much trouble! I looked at the Maserati co-pilot, a handsome guy dressed up, wearing sunglasses and hiding from speaking. Quickly nodded his head and said yes, turned around and went to the car to get his mobile phone, saying in his mouth: "WeChat or Alipay?" The young woman said impatiently, "Ten thousand yuan, which is so troublesome!" Then he handed me a stack of brand-new bills, got in the car and flew away. Leave me alone in the wind messy. She actually thought she was fully responsible....

2 The sister-in-law made the morning fried egg paste, and the brother began to teach the sister-in-law how to fry eggs.

The sister-in-law listened very impatiently, and quarreled with her brother, and at night, the brother finally bowed his head and confessed his mistake! The brother first opened his mouth to his sister-in-law and said: I'm sorry, I was wrong! Sister-in-law asked: Say, where are you wrong! The brother said: I should not correct your mistake and let you stay like this.

Sister-in-law: How do I hear this, you are still blaming me!

3 A new house was bought, and there was a trevi fountain in the neighborhood. Today, the wife of the second goods said to me: "I tell you, the wishing pool in the community is very magical!" Curious, I asked, "How do you know?" The wife looked mysterious: "I made a wish there this morning, hoping that there would be a lot of money in front of me." Me: "And then your wish came true?" The second wife nodded violently: "That's right! As soon as I left the gate of the community, a cash truck drove past me. ”

4 These days my aunt's house has turned upside down! The cousin who has been married for more than three years was beaten by the cousin's husband, and the doll has only been more than six months! Asked why, the cousin's teddy got two cubs, and as a result, the dog mother was run over by the car, and the cousin pitied the puppy, feeding the puppy with her own milk, and the doll was hungry and crying every day!

5 Mom is a retired old teacher, because she was bored at home, she went to RT-Mart icon to become a salesman. After evening's evening study, I took my boyfriend to the supermarket and just happened to meet my mom. My boyfriend was very shy, hiding behind me and not daring to speak, so he grabbed a handful of melon seeds and planned to eat it. The old mother immediately yelled: Stop, don't taste!! The boyfriend was frightened, his face was pale, and I was a little displeased: Mom, why are you so fierce, taste it and don't get in the way. Then the old mother turned her back and said: Now I can't see it, hurry up and try it!!

6 Cousin went on a blind date, I also went, the other party is also 2 people, just ordered the meal, the cousin company called, he said lost the companion for a while, and then I talked alone with the two women. By the time he returned, we had eaten all the food, and I was already getting along with one of the women. Embarrassingly, she happened to be her cousin's blind date. I got angry and said to my cousin, "Look, I said I can't come, you have to let me come, blame you!" The cousin hurriedly apologized: "Brother, you mean it, I didn't know it would be like this, you can rest assured, I won't say anything nonsense over there my sister-in-law!" I patted him on the shoulder and said, "This is a good brother." ”

Then I whispered, "Her girlfriend is not bad, or you will get along!" As a result, the blind date woman also helped to say to the girlfriend: "Or you can try it?" Her daughter-in-law was immediately displeased, and said, "Sister, why is it yours that is good, and I have to ask you to pick the rest?" Oh, it turned out that they all looked at me, and I was angry at my cousin again: "Look at you, I said I can't come, you have to let me come, now what to do?" The cousin said weakly, "Brother, I will keep my mouth shut!" "Hey, it's not a matter of keeping your mouth shut now, the point is that the two women have quarreled."

7 When I was a child, my parents worked at Foxconn. Usually, I don't have time to take care of me, so my grandparents have always picked me up and dropped me off for kindergarten every day. I remember that day after school, no one came to pick me up. I waited at the door of the kindergarten until it was dark when I suddenly saw Mom and Dad walking here. Mom also pointed at my father and said, "Husband, look, this child is really like our son!" ”

8 The daughter is four years old, when she was born by caesarean section. When I went to bed at night, my daughter asked me, "Mom, why do you have such a big scar on your stomach?" I explained to my daughter, "This is where the doctor cut you and took you out." The daughter's expression was very serious and asked: "Mother, why did you eat me in the first place?" ”

9 Today's classmates party, my wife went to work, I took my daughter with me. Just sat down and didn't talk for a while, some people began to show off their wealth, and the good guys were all putting on a show. This one says Rolex, how many tens of thousands, that says limited edition how many tens of thousands. My daughter then said: Your watch is not as good as my father's, my father's watch can not only make calls but also take pictures, and more importantly, it can become a small computer.

10 Just now, I went to the tea indirect water and chatted with my colleagues. I said: Why do snails look the same as slugs, why do slugs look more disgusting than snails! Colleague said: The question is like two equally ugly men standing together, why is that man more popular! The colleague added: "Because he has a house like a snail!" I was speechless, he was so well told...

11 I found that my sister-in-law secretly added my WeChat, and I reported to my daughter-in-law for the first time, I said: "You see, this is not your sister's trumpet!" The daughter-in-law looked at it carefully and nodded. At this time, the message came over: "Brother, this is my trumpet, don't let my sister know, we will contact here later." Without waiting for me to speak, she said: "First transfer me 8,000 yuan, I will use it urgently, and I will return to you for benefits." The daughter-in-law saw the situation and directly grabbed my mobile phone and sent a voice: "Can you order a face, can you order a face, and you must pry my corner?" She quickly wrote back: "Brother, I misread you!" "Cut, I'm not at all wrong.

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #