The mother used these 6 sentences of "rainbow fart" to successfully praise her son's internal drive, and she never worried about it since she went to junior high school......

New Oriental Family Education

2024-05-29 09:29Posted in Beijing, creators in the field of parenting

Author: Little Tomato Main Creation Group

A few days ago, my girlfriend called me and complained:

Her son is in the sixth grade of primary school and is about to enter junior high school, but his grades give her a headache.

Every day when I come home from school, I can't find my homework book, or I play mobile phones and games, and I always ask her to write a homework.

For this reason, she didn't worry less, and she also enrolled her son in weekend cram school, but her grades did not improve at all.

In the end, my best friend couldn't help but sigh:

"I really envy your Xiaobo, his grades are so good, and he is very self-disciplined, so you don't have to worry about it at all."

Actually, if you want to say that my son Xiaobo, when he first entered junior high school, his grades were still hovering in the middle and lower reaches of the class.

Nowadays, the study task is getting heavier and heavier, but at present, my son's learning state is getting better and better, and he will consciously take the initiative to study every day when he comes back from school, and his grades have been steadily rising.

Looking back on the past few years, I have taken many detours on the road of educating children.

Looking back now, the reason why my son is so motivated is not because of how much effort I put into studying.

But because I often say these six words to him.

"You're amazing."

Why is the game so engaging?

It's because when I play the game, I can get the joy of success and a full sense of accomplishment by passing the levels.

No one is born with a love of abuse, and if you want your child to fall in love with learning, you must first let him experience a sense of accomplishment in learning.

In the past, my son always made mistakes in calculation problems, and the more he made mistakes, the more he didn't want to practice, and his head hurt when he saw the numbers.

Later, I came up with a solution, and I asked my teammate to find a relatively simple question to ask him:

"Son, Dad wants to take the graduate school entrance examination recently, and he has forgotten a lot of his previous knowledge, can you help Dad take a look?"

The son was very proud when he read the question: "You can't answer such a simple question?" After saying that, I made it with a few brushstrokes.

Together, we exclaimed, "Wow, son, you're amazing!" ”

Later, as the questions we gave him became more and more difficult, my son often had to think about it for days, and even asked the teacher to explain it to us.

In this process, the more my son talked, the more energetic he became, not only did he no longer have a headache about mathematics, but he often studied math problems alone in the house.

If you want to stimulate your child's internal drive, you need to stimulate your child's self-confidence and sense of achievement.

This sense of accomplishment of "I am better than my parents" is the best motivation to enhance children's confidence and enthusiasm for learning.

"I believe in you"

The son has been learning trumpets since he was a child.

Once, when their school recruited a symphony orchestra, my son was eager to try.

But he has always been unconfident, afraid that he will make a fool of himself in front of the stage.

I kept telling him, "Go ahead, Mom believes you can do it." ”

With my encouragement, my son was successfully selected for the school symphony orchestra and can represent the school in competitions.

The school organizes a math Olympiad class, and he is very interested, and I recommend him to try it.

At the beginning, the Osaiban gods were frequent, and he was at the bottom of the class and was repeatedly frustrated.

It was also me who came to comfort him, "You will definitely be better next time, I believe in you." ”

Slowly, my son's performance in the Osaiban is getting better and better, and the smile on his face is getting bigger and bigger.

You must know that a word of "I believe in you" from parents will make children feel good about "I can do it", and will make them confident and motivated in everything they do, and give full play to their potential.

So when a child wants to participate in an activity, don't beat him for not being adequate, but tell him:

"I'm sure you can do it."

When your child tries to do something and fails, don't criticize him, but tell him:

"You can do it, I'm sure you'll do better next time."

Our trust and encouragement will nourish the child's heart and provide him with a steady stream of strength.

"You're doing better than last time"

In "The Boy Says", a girl shouts to her mother on the rooftop:

"Don't use the Agitation method on me anymore, this is not for me, or I will definitely feel bad."

But Mom didn't care:

"I think your character needs to be hit. If you don't hit it, you might be a little floaty. ”

In the end, the girl had to leave the scene gloomily.

Blows are not spurs, and sarcasm is not incentives.

A steady stream of denial from parents will only bring a sense of deprivation and frustration to children, making them feel that they can't do anything well.

Zheng Yuanjie said, "The essence of human nature is the desire for appreciation, and children are especially eager to appreciate, appreciation can make children grow into towering trees, and belittling can make children wither and deform." ”

Therefore, every time my son studies or takes an exam, even if he makes a small progress, I will encourage him:

"You're awesome, you've improved a lot from last time!"

"Look at your composition, it's a lot better than last time."

"Your roll is much cleaner than before, worthy of praise!"

……

Our encouragement will make children feel at ease, and even if they don't succeed for a while, they will build a positive attitude.

"It's okay, baby"

After entering junior high school, my son's grades are getting better and better, and his desire to win is getting stronger and stronger.

When I came back from the midterm exam, my son looked depressed:

"Mom, I only scored 76 points in physics this time, and I have never scored such a low score......"

I hurriedly comforted him and said, "It's okay baby, how about we go eat Pizza Hut when your dad comes back?" ”

"Huh? Why do you have to go to a big meal if you don't do well in the exam? ”

"Celebrate that you've unlocked a new experience in life!"

The son really burst into tears and smiled, no longer depressed, and regained full vitality and energy.

When a child fails, if parents only blindly criticize, it will not bring the child change, but resistance and hurt self-esteem.

So, we have to learn to say "it's okay" to our children -

"It's okay, Mom knows you're doing your best."

"It's okay, mom knows you've worked hard during this time."

"It's okay, Dad will always be your number one fan, let's see what the problem is."

……

The understanding and care of parents is the key to children's sense of worth and self-confidence.

In addition, parents should learn to summarize the experience of failure with their child and encourage him to continue to work hard.

Let children know that it is normal to encounter setbacks, but it is also a valuable ability to overcome them, and cultivate a growth mindset in children.

"Your dreams are great,

So how are you going to do it? ”

I have seen a news that a pair of twins in Yunnan, Du Yilang and Du Youlang, were on the hot search because they were both admitted to Tsinghua University.

In the face of media interviews, the twin father exposed the truth about the two brothers' high scores.

It turned out that in 2013, the father of twins took his two brothers to Beijing for a tour.

After visiting Tsinghua University, the two brothers were determined to be admitted to Tsinghua University.

My father thought that the two brothers were just talking casually, but from the third grade of elementary school to the third year of high school, they worked tirelessly towards this goal, until today, they have achieved their wish.

You must know that dreams are the driving force for a child's development, the yearning for the unknown world, and the key factor for him to succeed.

So, I also asked my son before:

"Son, what is your dream?

He thought for a moment and said embarrassedly, "Mom, I've always been interested in astronomy and want to be an astronomer. ”

I agreed: "Wow, your dream is great, so how are you going to make it happen?" ”

He scratched his head and choked there.

I then guided step by step: "Astronomy belongs to science, then you must learn mathematics, physics and chemistry well, and another day your mother will take you to buy some astronomy books, let's take a look at them together." ”

The son nodded vigorously, and after a period of time, he was also very conscientious and conscientious.

Listen carefully to your child's dreams, give them recognition and respect, and then guide them to work tirelessly towards this dream.

Children are born with internal drive, and when they work tirelessly for their dreams, they will burst out with surprising power.

"No matter what, I will always love you"

I remember reading a news that a boy scored 630 points in the exam, was fourth in the class, and ranked in the top 20 in his grade, but he was scolded by his parents when he went home.

Parents feel that the boy does not study hard enough, and it will be better if he works hard.

The boy was particularly aggrieved, and after a big quarrel with his parents, he ran away from home, squatting on the side of the road and crying bitterly.

One can imagine how aggrieved and sad the boy was in his heart.

In his heart, he must feel that grades are the only standard for his parents to love him, and when the grades are good, love will come; If the grades are not good, the love is gone.

In contrast, a father in Changsha said at a parent-teacher meeting:

His son is a scumbag, and he is sorry that his son has dragged the class back.

But he wanted to take this opportunity to tell his son: "No matter how well you do in school, I will always love you and will always be your strongest backing." ”

He also affirmed his son's merits: "Although his academic performance is not good, he is impeccable in dealing with people and things. ”

Presumably, when the son hears his father's words, his heart will definitely flow into a warm current.

So, I often tell my son:

"Whether you score 100 or 60, I love you."

"Whether you become the A-corner of the orchestra and can perform on stage, or you can only play it for me at home, I love you."

When a child understands that the love of his parents is unconditional, he will have the confidence and courage to rush forward and overcome the difficulties in the future.

Montessori once said, "Everything we do to a child will blossom and bear fruit, not only affecting his life, but also determining his life." ”

I think that my son's achievements today are inseparable from these 6 sentences that I often say to him.

Whether the child is lazy or self-disciplined, self-confident or inferior, it is all in the daily words and deeds of the parents.

From today onwards, keep your mouth shut, give your child more positive feedback, give him encouragement, give him motivation, and give him plenty of love and security.

I believe that children will be able to become more confident, independent and have strong internal drive day by day.

Click "watching", I hope that every child can be enthusiastic and born to the sun, and do not wait for the whip to work hard.

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