Yesterday's rush hour, crowded buses, crowded people can not turn around. At this time, a couple, the man looked to be about 20 years old, said to his girlfriend: Too crowded! After Lao Tzu has money, more

Yesterday's rush hour, crowded buses, crowded people can not turn around. At this time, a couple, the man looked to be about 20 years old, said to his girlfriend: Too crowded! When Lao Tzu has money later, spend an extra dollar to sit at the end of the side and then go, there is a seat! "All I can say is, handsome man, you have a bright future!"

2, when I was in school in my hometown, I liked to eat snacks very much, and every day I would steal the money of my parents to buy food in the small supermarket in front of the school. That time, when I was picking a smaller denomination, my mother came in. I blurted out: I took it myself, not my father who asked me to take it to buy cigarettes! I was so witty, my mother touched my head and didn't beat me. It's just that I don't sleep well at night, but not guilt, it's too noisy in my parents' room!

3, self-service shop queue, eat a lot of people, the door is a little slippery, I just climbed a step directly fell that... My friend not only didn't help me up, but also shouted: "Hurry up in front of you!" The back is already hungry and dizzy"!! I wanted to lie on the ground and die.

4, the son took the exam the day before yesterday, and when he came back, he told his wife that he had scored ninety-nine points, which made his wife happy. But who knows to take out the test paper and look at it: 1 point!!! The wife was just about to get angry when she suddenly heard her son shouting: No, Mom, my score is nine to nine!

5, pour a cup of water for the mother Mother has a cold, lying on the bed, she wants to drink water, but there is only a shallow point in the cup, so she said to the 7-year-old son: "Child, can you help your mother pour back water?" When the son heard this, he rushed to the bed, took the water cup from his mother's hand, turned around and went to the kitchen, returned after a while, put the water cup on the bedside table, and said: "Mother, I have already poured out the water in the cup, if nothing else, I will go back to writing my homework." ”

6, one day five-year-old daughter sleeping on the sofa, father is watching TV! Suddenly my daughter fell from the couch and fell to the ground! But this little guy was strong and didn't cry! Instead, she went to her dad and slapped him! And say: how do you see the child!

7, to tell the truth, the factory car to work, MM asked me: my computer is not working, always dead. I said: Then you go back and check the virus, remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: Oh. Early the next morning, I saw MM again on the car, and even casually asked: Have you checked? How? And then... MM said loudly: Angry at me, checked for half a day, said that there is no (plum) poison.

8, is in class, suddenly an Alaskan slowly into the classroom, the teacher blasted it out, a moment and then came, the teacher did not rush, see what it wants to do this goods this walk that sniff, to the second row of a female classmate, the female classmates jumped to the side, this goods stretched out its claws in the table hole planing, turned out a meat sandwich steamed bun. Then he walked slowly with the meat sandwich steamed bun...

9, "Dad, I won't go home during the Dragon Boat Festival, bring me a few rice dumplings." "Okay, which one do you want?" "It's all right, it's okay to be able to relieve the hunger." "Good!" Back to the dormitory at night, open the mailbox to find that dad sent a file, a full 4 G, the following also left a message: I don't know which mouth you are good, I sent you one for each.

10, the husband became a manager in SF Express, and his salary rose from 4,000 to 50,000 yuan. In the evening, he invited his colleagues to quanjude for dinner, and I was particularly bored at home, so I sent a voice to my husband. My husband thought I had something important to do when I saw it, and immediately clicked on it. My crisp voice suddenly came out of my phone: "The eagle calls the chick, the eagle calls the chick." "At this moment, the whole box was silent, and then I became famous for his company."

1 boy: marry a daughter-in-law to marry a fat twin fat sister to go on a blind date, the man is too short, fat sister is not willing, but the boy is quite satisfied, he said that marrying a daughter-in-law is going to marry fat. The fat sister sent a message and went to the bathroom later. Ten minutes later, the skinny sister of the twins walked back, and the boy looked stupid: You went to the toilet and skinned into a bolt of lightning? The skinny sister asked: Do you like meat girls? Boy: It's better to be thinner, and if conditions permit, who likes that kind of tonnage girl? #

12, the president chat paragraph: one day I went to buy watermelon and asked the boss: "Is your watermelon sweet?" The boss said: "Sweet, sweet I am reluctant to sell." Then I bought 4 to go back, cut open and found that none of the sweet ones were available, and went back and asked the boss: "Why did you lie to me?" The boss said: "I didn't lie to you, sweet is really reluctant to sell." ”

13, my brother came home with a face injury, I quickly ran to him and asked him: What's the matter, let who hit? My brother said: The whole class beat me! Last night, I don't know who took my mobile phone and sent a message in the group, saying that there is too little homework, strongly asking the teacher to assign more homework, and strongly asking the teacher to make up classes on Sunday! I was beaten up as soon as I got to school today! Hahaha, what if my brother knew that the person who sent the message was me!

14, I have a buddy family conditions are very good, his housework basically does not. Today he tweeted: Egg fried rice is the first egg or the rice first? There are many respondents. 20 minutes later, the buddy sent another Weibo: Listen to the opinions of most people, I put the eggs first, but why didn't anyone tell me to put the oil first! The pots are all black!