Author ┃ Su Shan Read aloud ┃ Big Cloud
Guidance ┃Liang Shanbo Editor ┃丄學号
I saw an article on Zhihu that mentioned that children always listen to teachers in school, but they don't like to listen to their parents.
Every parent has a deep understanding, the child is obedient and sensible when he leaves the house, and when he returns home, he loses his temper at every turn, and everything has to be reversed with the parents, which makes people have a headache.
But have we found that in front of parents, children will cry, will rebel, sometimes collide, this is their true self, whether adults or children, only in the environment of trust and relaxation, will be willing to express their inner emotions, will be willing to tell.
As parents, we should be thankful that the child behaves in front of us, which gives us tips to understand the child's condition. In fact, the child's "disobedience" is a kind of trust in parents.
01
The child's crying
It is a kind of telling parents
The famous psychologist Li Meijin once said, "Young children, because they can't express, are hungry and thirsty, or where they are uncomfortable, often use crying to express." At this time, parents can not be annoyed, accuse the child of disobedience, to find the reason for the child's crying, to help the child solve, to avoid bigger problems. ”
Crying accompanies the growth of children, crying is also a headache for parents, but in the face of children's crying, we still have to be patient and careful to take care of it.
I once saw a four-year-old baby on Douyin, suddenly crying in the middle of the night, mom and dad were woken up, rushed to the child's bed to check carefully, could not find any reason.
They were in a hurry, took the child to the hospital emergency department overnight, after the doctor's examination found that the child's back had redness and blood, quickly let the child take a film, found that it was a needle, pierced into the child's back, because the location is very hidden, do not take a film, can not be found at all.
After the doctor removed the steel needle in an emergency operation, the child gradually quieted down and fell asleep.
The child's mother then remembered that during the day to sew clothes for the baby, after using the sewing needle forgot to put it away, mixed into the baby's clothes, at night to change the baby's clothes, with the sewing needle.
Because of my mother's negligence, I almost caused a catastrophe. Fortunately, when the child cried for no reason, the parents did not blame, did not perfunctory, but took an effective method to help the child solve the problem.
Luo Ling, an expert in parent-child education, said that every time a child cries, it is our opportunity to help him!
When the child cries, the parent should pay more attention. It's not enough to make the child stop crying, but to find the reason.
When children encounter problems, they use their own unique ways to tell parents and remind them. As parents, it is the responsibility to protect the safety of their children, not to be careless, and to avoid accidents as much as possible.
02
The child is disobedient
It is to seek the understanding of parents
Liu Liping, a family education expert, once said that it is necessary to understand the real message behind the child's emotions.
In the process of growing up, the child's psychology is very fragile and sensitive, and the warm and safe family environment can provide a protective space for the child.
When children encounter difficulties, they are sad and afraid, and if they want to seek help from their parents, they will express their bad emotions.
On the Internet, I saw a small story, there was a little girl, in the second grade of primary school, usually, she was very well-behaved, one day, suddenly crying, refusing to go to school, no matter how much her mother persuaded it was useless.
The girl's mother was very anxious, but did not show it in front of the child, nor did she scold the child, but tried to calm herself down first, she recalled what happened recently, everything at home was as usual recently, it may be what the child encountered at school.
After the child was a little quieter, she decided to sit down with the child and have a good talk. In a relaxed environment, the child finally confided the truth with his mother, it turned out that the chinese test results were not good, because he was afraid that the teacher would find his parents, so he did not dare to go to school.
The mother finally breathed a sigh of relief, gave her daughter a big hug, and said, "It doesn't matter, one test result doesn't mean anything, find the deficiencies, and try harder next time." Mom is very happy, you can tell me about the problems you encountered, and any difficulties you encounter in the future can tell me, I am your best listener. ”
The child will not blame her when she hears her mother's words, and happily goes to school.
In the face of the child's "disobedience", the girl's mother communicated with the child with her heart, solved the child's big problem, and resolved a crisis.
Voltaire said: "The ear is the way to the heart, and facing the child's voice is the greatest support and protection for the child." ”
Each of us as parents needs to listen to the voice of the child well in order to truly communicate with the child and help them.
The pressure of social competition gradually spreads to children, and the number of children with mental illness is also increasing, many of which are caused by long-term emotional accumulation. As parents, we should not increase excessive pressure on our children, and help guide children in time when they encounter external pressure.
03
A good parent is one who accepts everything about his child
Zhang Defen once said that parents should accept their children wholeheartedly.
Wholehearted acceptance means accepting the child's strengths, weaknesses, successes or failures, not being picky or demanding, and putting in love and effort.
Zheng Yuanjie, China's "fairy tale king", has had a great personality since childhood. In elementary school, the teacher assigned an essay title "Early birds have worms to eat", and he wrote a "early bugs are eaten by birds" according to his own ideas.
After the teacher read his composition, he was very angry, publicly criticized him, in protest, Zheng Yuanjie actually hid the cannon in his pocket and pulled it in the classroom, so he was expelled from the school, and the highest education stopped at the fourth grade of primary school.
When Zheng Yuanjie's father heard the news, he did not scold or complain, but calmly said to Zheng Yuanjie, "I will go home and teach you myself." ”
After being expelled, Zheng Yuanjie wrote a review letter to his father, from which his father saw that Zheng Yuanjie was very talented in literature, so he decided to go home and teach.
After returning home, his father formulated a strict work and rest system, and led by example, urging Zheng Yuanjie to study hard.
Just imagine, without his father's acceptance and help to Zheng Yuanjie, there may be one less excellent fairy tale writer in the world, but one more bad teenager.
As education expert Xiao Wu said in her book "Accepting Children", "The acceptance of parents will lay the foundation for the happiness of children's lives." ”
The love of parents can give children confidence and strength, help them, play their own strengths and potential, and have a positive and optimistic attitude.
With the full love of parents, happiness will accompany the child for a lifetime, and when the child grows up, even if he faces difficulties, he will have enough ability to cope.
04
Write at the end
Sanmao once said, "Every child has two angels who watch over, and those two angels are Mom and Dad." ”
Every child trusts their parents incomparably, and our parents can only accept and tolerate their children, guide them everywhere, become their solid backing, help them, and embark on the right path in life.
Author: Su Shan, Gemini Mom, the ideal is to live freely like the wind, with a body as light as the wind.
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Appreciation belongs to the author
Shanbo Education Guidance ┃ Liang Shanbo
Liang Shanbo, a first-class teacher, an advanced educator in Shenzhen, the first batch of family education instructors in Bao'an District, the first learning star in Bao'an District, and the editor-in-chief of Shanbo Education Public Account. Engaged in education for 38 years, focusing on the comprehensive quality education of parenting.