Author┃ Yu Xin Read aloud ┃ Shiso
Guidance ┃Liang Shanbo Editor ┃丄學号
When the 3-year-old child Yue Yue wanted to share his new toy car with his mother, his mother said without looking up: "Baby, you are really good, you will play first, and then play with you after your mother is busy." ”
Yue Yue would give up and cry non-stop, just wanting to share it with her mother.
Mother is busy with the customer phone, while solving the problem, but also to hold a stomach fire to endure yue yue's crying, and so on after the end of the phone, the mother only breathed a long breath, originally wanted to accompany the child to go out to the amusement park for a day on the weekend, but the customer's problem was not solved and could not go.
At this time, Yue Yue's father had already taken her to the downstairs community to play.
In life, we think that we are very good to our children, and the praise we should give to our children is also given, and the toys that we should buy for our children have not fallen at all. However, in the blink of an eye, the children have grown up, no longer like the previous three or two sentences can be confused, they began to slowly begin to have their own "careful thinking".
Children actually want their parents to participate in their own lives, even if they are only accompanied for a little while, and this small meeting is from the heart, even if it is a body language, it can make her understand that you love and understand her.
01
Your encouragement children look in the eyes
There is a treasure in the family, life is interesting and colorful, and the troubles are increasing day by day, just like the "child, you are awesome" that we often blurt out. ”
But where is the child's praiseworthy point, we do not think and tell the child in words.
Talking to children is not like looking at the circle of friends want to like it, want to comment on it, when facing the child, our words and deeds may become the object of her imitation.
Today's 5-year-old Duoduo and grandma are playing downstairs, he helped the community to accidentally fall down the children when playing, as soon as they return home, they want to tell their mother, at this moment, Duoduo's mood can be imagined to be excited and happy.
However, Toto's mother did not listen attentively, but said perfunctorily: "Baby, you are awesome." Duo Duo had heard this sentence many times, and this time it was the same, obviously DuoDuo's eyes were beginning to be impatient, but her mother did not think so.
So, if you change the method and you want to affirm him, it is better to try to describe the facts and say, "That little friend fell, you quickly lifted him up, and comforted the child not to cry, let me see you help others today, mom is really happy for you." 」 ”
Pay attention to the child when speaking, look at the child, gentle and smile and give him a big hug, such encouragement I believe the child can also feel.
The words of general praise will appear less vivid and seem simple, but they do not really recognize the specific behavior of the child, and the child wants to be seen, understood, and recognized.
If you often praise the child in this way, the child is unwilling to share, and instead confides in another person next to him, or it will cause the child to do things in order to get the so-called praise, the purpose is very strong.
If we only recognize the affirmation of the facts, then even if the child does not do a good job of the same event, the child only thinks that he is not good at it, and will not deny himself.
In 1943, Abraham Maslow proposed Maslow's hierarchy of needs, in which our human needs are divided into five needs, from low to high, physiological needs, security needs, social needs, respect needs, and self-actualization needs.
When the child's physical and safety needs are met, it will also slowly develop towards social and respectful and even aesthetic needs.
When we encourage children, let children feel that they are always affirmed, and at the same time, it is more conducive to children's external social and aesthetic development.
We all know that the child who is constantly encouraging, you will slowly find that the child has light in his eyes, his heart is full of strength, no longer wants to get your attention and lose his temper with you, he also begins to learn to praise and praise his mother's behavior.
02
Encourage your child's language, you can say so
In fact, no matter how talented children are, if they do not have the attention and cultivation of their parents in the later stage, it is difficult to insist on being excellent.
Once upon a time, there was a child in the village named Zhongyong who had never read a book, and one day when he was five years old, he suddenly burst into tears and said that he wanted paper and pencil, but their family was so poor that they did not even have a pen and a piece of paper.
Everyone in the family advised him, but he did not listen, so he had to borrow a piece of paper and a pen from the neighbor's house, and he immediately stopped crying and wrote a good hand.
As a result, the people outside the village and the people in the village knew that he was told to write, his father took him everywhere to write for people, some people gave him some silver to thank him, and his father thought that Zhongyong could help him earn money, so he would not let him go to school.
After many years, how is it that a person from a village has gone out and returned?
One person replied, "It's no different from ordinary people." ”
This story tells us that if we simply rely on talent and do not learn new knowledge, we will only "disappear" when we grow up, we must pay attention to the education and learning of the day after tomorrow, and the growth of children is inseparable from the educational methods and environment of adults, as well as the subjective initiative of children.
The child's smart parents do not have to show off too much to everyone, but should pay more attention to cultivating the child's inner ability.
Praise the child's hard work, seriousness, will share and other factors that can be changed the day after tomorrow, rather than some things that cannot be changed, such as smart and beautiful, the child has completed a work, praise the child is smart, the child will attribute his own intelligence, and ignore the effort and seriousness, once not done well, the child does not know what to do to change such a result.
Smart can't be changed, frustration can be very strong, and conversely, if the child just feels that he is not serious and hard enough, then this can be changed.
03
Encourage your child's progress
Comparison of more and recent results
When it comes to children's grades, the first thing parents think about is whether my child will be worse than other children.
We as parents are also children, when parents will also take the next door child and compare with us, I believe that such a comparison will be more or less uncomfortable.
There is no harm without contrast, but with contrast, you will know where the gap is, so what kind of contrast will make it easier for children to accept?
When we encourage children, we put more attention on comparing with the children themselves, if for more sensitive children, you always compare her with other children, her first reaction in her heart is whether the mother does not love me, is it that I am not good enough?
I remember when I was in school, a Chinese teacher shared her approach to education.
She said: "Parents are good for their children, but what children feel is relatively large harm, instead of hurting each other, it is better to start from themselves and cheer for themselves." ”
Take the child himself as a reference rather than others comparing, for example, the child counted to 10 last month, and two months later to 20, we let him compare with himself for two months, so that his eyes are on his own inside, today is better than yesterday, the child continues to experience the joy of progress, and will have more confidence in himself.
When a child's confident learning is far better than the parent's contrast, and building confidence is the beginning of the child's next goal.
Children's independence is inseparable from the parents' encouragement, when children from physical independence to psychological independence, it means that they have their own opinions and ideas, we blindly say that teaching has become obsolete, on the contrary, give children appropriate encouragement and attention, recognize the child's efforts, increase children's confidence, and make children more willing to accept.
Author: Yu Xin, etiquette training instructor, a post-90s mother, focusing on parenting literature, here with you to witness the growth of children.
Every like you like, I take it seriously
Appreciation belongs to the author
Reader┃Perilla
Shiso, a native of Benxi, Liaoning, now living in Japan, has a master's degree, always keeps his curiosity, strives to be a slash youth, loves life, loves reading, and is eager to convey warmth and strength with sound.
Shanbo Education Guidance ┃ Liang Shanbo
Liang Shanbo, a first-class teacher, an advanced educator in Shenzhen, the first batch of family education instructors in Bao'an District, the first learning star in Bao'an District, and the editor-in-chief of Shanbo Education Public Account. Engaged in education for 38 years, focusing on the comprehensive quality education of parenting.