Author┃Daning Read aloud/Daning
Guidance ┃Liang Shanbo Editor ┃丄學号
When my child was 2 years old, he followed me back to his hometown for the first time. The same is the first contact, the child's attitude towards the two is very different.
Because they often videoed with my mother, the two of them became acquainted in just a few minutes and began to hug and play. For my father, the child was "recognized" tightly: hiding behind me, her grandfather could not touch the toy. The scene was awkward.
But within a week, the situation was reversed.
When I take the child with me, the child will ask, "Mom, where has Grandpa gone?" ”
When my mother took the child, the child would ask, "Grandma, when will Grandpa come back?" ”
The moment my dad came back, the little guy's eyes lit up, he jumped forward, gave him a big hug, and shouted, "Grandpa, you're finally back!" ”
My mother and I looked at each other and got a bitter tacit understanding: Yes, our family status has both declined.
The two were not reconciled, silently squatted for several days, and finally summed up a "secret book".
01
Exclusive time
Exclusive, which means that the parents' hearts are not distracted during this period.
Forty minutes after dinner every day, it is the exclusive time that my father left for the children, saying goodbye to the busyness of the day, and the mobile phone is also put aside, concentrating on playing with the children.
To what extent? Than to me and my mom know.
My mom couldn't let go of the old sisters' messages, so she often said to her children, "Wait a minute."
Although I don't look at my phone, I am prone to "gags". For example, when she is building blocks or painting alone, I read books or think about things, unable to share her first moment of happiness, always asking her to remind "Mom wants to see" and "Mom come over".
And grandpa does not need the child to wait, nor does he need the child to remind him, which is naturally more loved by the child.
02
The child has the final say
Respect and respond positively to your child's ideas.
Children's ideas vary from time to time, building blocks, reading picture books, playing football, playing hide-and-seek, or sitting and chatting.
The main purpose of companionship is to make children happy. Under the premise of health and safety, there is no doubt that children have the initiative, including but not limited to what to play, how to play, how long to play, and whether parents need to participate.
In fact, there is a subtext that parents should show "interest".
The child is very sensitive to emotions, she can detect whether the parents are interested in what she does, whether they are invested, and if not, she will feel depressed.
When the children were doodling, my father sat quietly and watched, never interrupting, and after a while, she named them, and my father repeated them with great interest, and described their differences in detail, and the child was as satisfied as if he had found a sound. When necessary, my father did not shirk it, drawing according to the requirements of the child's dictation: where is there a fish, what is it doing, is there a bucket...
Sometimes she would quickly drop her paintbrush and run to another toy, but my dad never persuaded her to stop it.
In other words, my mother, she will not only correct the child's bad drawing, but also hug the child from time to time to interrupt her train of thought. As for me, I thought that painting could cultivate concentration, and immediately drew a cute cat, so that she had to go back to the desk again.
My dad had complete respect for the child and gave the child enough freedom to beat me and my mom.
03
More "Fishing"
As the old saying goes, it is better to teach people to fish than to teach people to fish. Here, "more fishing" refers to more ideas and gameplay. When the child asks what to do and what to play, the parent must show "two brushes".
When building blocks, I tried to save myself the trouble, only to build the same kinds of dinosaur shapes as on the manual. And my dad built big trees, castles, trains, small tables for his children...
In an ordinary toy trolley, my dad would teach the child to connect the two cars together with a rope, and interpret the story of the warm help between friends after the car broke down.
In the eyes of the child, my father had magic, constantly giving surprises, and happiness was doubled. When she doesn't know what to play, or when she encounters difficulties, she will go to Grandpa first, because Grandpa has a way!
I showed this "cheats" to my dad, "Dad, you are a master, high-quality companionship is better than we do!" ”
My father was a little embarrassed, saying that he had never heard of this word before, and he didn't read as much as me, so there would be any "cheats", but he wanted to make his granddaughter happy.
My mother said, "Your father didn't have time to take you before, now let him take more granddaughters, study more and study a few 'cheats'!" ”
The little girl did not understand, and her eyebrows were bent and she also learned to say "cheats", which made us all laugh.
My dad is absolutely right, parenting, the secret is to be careful.
Author: Daning, post-90s bao mom, child psychological research enthusiast.
bow
big
year
Appreciation belongs to the author
Shanbo Education Guidance ┃ Liang Shanbo
Liang Shanbo, a first-class teacher, an advanced educator in Shenzhen, the first batch of family education instructors in Bao'an District, the first learning star in Bao'an District, and the editor-in-chief of Shanbo Education Public Account. Engaged in education for 38 years, focusing on the comprehensive quality education of parenting.