Intensive Reading Mom: Every child is an angel, an independent individual who comes to this world through their parents, and only when they grow up in the education of equality and respect of their parents, they will have an independent and peaceful and happy life.
Author:Xiao Xiaowei (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
The night before, I was shopping at the market and heard a father and son say:
"Before you promised your father to run ten laps of the playground, just now you didn't run enough ten laps, but you told your father that it was done, and you did this dishonest and trustworthy behavior!" 」
After hearing his father's criticism, the son sincerely apologized to his father, saying that he would not next time.
And the dad smiled satisfactorily and continued to choose dishes.
After a while, the father and son chose a few dishes, and asked the boss to settle the account and pay the money.
After payment, they turned around and just left a few meters, and Dad found a bag of beef balls inside a pile of dishes that had not been paid.
But the father did not want to quickly turn around and make up the money, but instead said to his son complacently, "Picked up a big bargain."
Moreover, the father also told his son to hurry up, or the boss found out and caught up with him for money.
This father told his son to be honest and trustworthy, but at the same time he was not honest and trustworthy.
This is what we often call double standard parents.
Indeed, double standards are common in family education, and there are double standards in many families, but our parents are reluctant to admit it.
For example, parents tell their children not to sleep late and insist on playing basketball, but they have not gone several times a year after opening a fitness card.
Another example is that parents do not eat celery themselves, but buy it to cook for their children to eat, saying that they have more vitamins.
For example, parents tell their children to be serious in class, but they go to work on their own but play mobile phones and surf the Internet without the heart to work.
You say, what is it like for a child to meet such a parent and have such a family?
It is that you want to escape, but you can't escape, and you are surrounded by the people closest to you and the people who bring you pain.
Do not double standard for children
There is such a fable.
The monkey "Mengke" picked up a watch, knew the exact time, planned the time of the monkey group's work and rest, and then became the monkey king.
"Mengke" picked up the second and third tables, but the time indication of each table was different, it could not grasp the accurate time, the work and rest time of the monkey group was also chaotic, and finally the position of the monkey king was canceled.
This is the famous law of watches.
The law of watches means that a person wears many watches, but the time of each watch is different, so the wearer cannot know the accurate time.
The double standard of parents is the watch effect, that is, parents treat their children with double standards.
I remember my colleague Xiao Huan said that her parents worked in the army, and they had the final say.
Once Xiao Huan came home, did not change her shoes, and ran to her mother for the first time to say "I am back", but she was criticized by her mother for not paying attention to hygiene, not changing shoes, and staining the floor.
After the criticism, her mother went from the kitchen to the balcony to shower flowers, and did not change the slippers of the balcony, and the soil under the flower tray stained her mother's shoes with the water of the flowers, and also printed the shoe prints in the living room.
There had been more than one scene like this, but she didn't dare to refute it, held her breath, went into her room, and didn't talk to her mother for several days.
Psychological research has shown that the double standard of parents has a great impact on children, children are prone to grievance psychology, distrust of parents, over time will produce rebellious psychology, and even with fierce and extreme behavior to fight against parents.
This will also be a vicious circle, children learn the "double standard" behavior of their parents, but also become "double standard", so that it is difficult to complete their goals in the end, and it will cause others to resent and make friends.
Moreover, being a "double standard" parent, all the discipline of the child has lost its effect, and it has not yet gained the trust and respect of the child.
In education, parents must keep in mind the revelation of the "law of watches", refuse to "double standard" for children, and let children grow up healthily.
Reject the double standard, what parents should do
The former Soviet educationalist Sukhomlinsky once said:
"The full development of the human person depends on what kind of person the mother and father are before the child, and on how the child perceives the relationship between people and the social environment from the example of the parents."
Therefore, in order not to delay the development of children, parents should learn to reject the double standard, the following three tricks may wish to try.
First, put down the parents' shelf.
Every time parents make double-standard behavior, they are actually holding a posture of "I am your parents" and "I give birth to you, you will listen to me" to ask the child.
The German psychologist Helga Geertler once warned parents: "If you give up power and give up your sense of superiority, then your chances of gaining the trust and respect of your children are greater." ”
Don't think that when your child is still young, you can impose your will on your child, after all, they are also people, and you also want your parents to be your close friends, not just elders, and you don't want your parents to pose as elders and train people at every turn.
People, regardless of age, are eager for ideological and emotional equality in the interaction between people
Communication.
If education is to play the greatest role, parents may wish to put down the shelf of their parents and communicate with their children in an equal posture, so as to gain their children's trust and respect.
Secondly, what the child is required to do, the parents do first.
Recently, a video of a mother and son playing a drip, I was impressed.
At the infusion station of the hospital, a mother and her son do some drips at the same time, the mother as a teacher is carefully grading the test papers, and the son is carefully completing his homework.
The mother asked her son to study hard, even if he was sick, he did not give up his work and took the lead in doing his job.
Under the leadership of the mother's own leadership, the son was not affected before the illness, and seized the time to complete the homework seriously.
Chen Baosheng, former Minister of Education, once sent a message to the parents of the students: If the children are required to do it, the parents must first do it.
Parents are the child's first teacher and the object of the child's most admiration, so in the child's heart, the image of the parent is very tall, and even all the parents' behavior is correct.
Children look at their parents' words and deeds in their eyes, so what parents ask their children to do, they do first.
Then, put yourself and your child on the same standard.
Last year, during the online class, the little nephew's class teacher asked everyone what time to get up at home every day.
The most impressive thing was that one of his classmates insisted on getting up at 6:30 every day, and when he got up, he had to go for a run with his father.
Imagine if parents slept until 8 or 9 o'clock, but let their children go out for a run at 6:30, do you think it is possible?
Treating "oneself" and "children" differently will make children feel that "only state officials are allowed to set fires, and the people are not allowed to light lamps", and over time, the prestige of parents is completely lost.
The famous psychologist Mr. Li Zixun once said: "Above the child's head, there is a receiver of parental emotions and behaviors." ”
This means that children will imitate the behavior of their parents without forming their own outlook on life, values and codes of conduct, which can also be explained as the parents' emotions and behaviors affecting the child.
Therefore, parents should put themselves and their children in the same standard, and do not face one set of principles for themselves, but have another set of principles for their children.
More equality and respect, let the child grow up happily
Last weekend I went to pick strawberries and saw a mother remind her daughter: "Strawberries are not washed, nor have they been weighed for money, you don't want to eat them." ”
The little girl stared hungrily at the freshly picked strawberries lying in the basket.
But as soon as the mother turned around, she put a big red strawberry in her mouth, and happily said to the friend next to her: "Try to see if it is sweet, if it is sweet, pick a little more and take it home." ”
This mother "changed her mind" in public, leaving the little girl at a loss, and finally cried bitterly, and a good parent-child play was ruined.
Parents can be the leaders, standing in the fork in the fork in the child's life to light up the light and illuminate the direction for them.
However, parents must not frequently double standards on the way to lead the way, let alone be the master of their children's lives.
Every child is an angel, an independent individual who came into this world through his parents, and only when he grows up in an education of equality and respect from his parents will they have an independent and peaceful and happy life.
Only when the child is fully respected by you, in the future, he will be able to pass this respect on to those around him, including you as a parent.
Author's profile: Xiao Xiaowei, parents intensive reading columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement will be investigated
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