Intensive reading mother: Almost all excellent children strive towards their own goals and become excellent again.
Author:Xiao Xiaowei (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
February 18, today is Su Yiming's 18th birthday.
On February 15, Su Yiming, who turned 18 three days old, won the gold medal in the men's big jump, becoming the youngest winter Olympic gold medalist in China and winning the sixth gold medal for the Chinese team at the Winter Olympics.
In fact, after Su Yiming landed on the ground in the third jump, from the stage of sliding on the veneer to the final complete stop, he almost hit the "protective wall" on the side of the field.
After the game, Su Yiming revealed that the reason was that he had been watching his parents on the sidelines.
With tears in his eyes, he said, "I'm really excited that they were able to come and share with me one of the most special and sacred moments of my life." ”
He also admitted that behind today's moment of winning the gold, he could not do without his parents, "Without them, there would be no me, there would be no me today." ”
In fact, any kind of excellence of children does not come out of thin air, which embodies the painstaking efforts and encouragement of parents.
In a sense, children are excellent and inseparable from the perfection of their parents.
Love, there is no standard answer, every pair of parents is loving their children in their own way.
But every parent's starting point is the same, and they are doing their best to complete their children's future.
Fulfill the child only because the child is actually himself
The Lebanese poet Gibran said: "Your child is not actually your child, he is the child born of life's desire for itself." He came through you, but not because of you. ”
The child is actually himself.
Although he was brought into this world by his parents, the second he came into this world, he was himself. Doesn't belong to anyone.
And when the child arrives, the parent is given an inescapable mission, which is to help the child become himself.
When Su Yiming was 13 years old, his mother once answered a reporter's question: Can you accept your child to become a skier?
Su's mother said that she should accept the child's insistence, even if it will hurt to see the child fall down in training, she will not want the child to give up her hobby into a job, because the child likes it too much and loves it too much.
After Su Yiming won the championship, a letter written by Su's mother to her son before the game was also published online.
Inside, Su's mother said that someone asked her, just such a precious son, how can she be willing to let him practice this difficult movement and it is easy to be injured?
5 years later, Su's mother still said as always, because the child loves too much, parents must fully support, let the child devote themselves to it, and play freely.
Bian Yufang, director of the Institute of Mental Health and Education of Beijing Normal University, mentioned in "Reading children": Children's lives belong to children, children's growth needs self-exploration, and others cannot replace and do everything.
Children always have to learn to understand the world from their own point of view, and the mission of parents is to lead children to explore, listen, feel and experience as much as possible, which is necessary for children to become themselves.
As a parent, please complete the growth of your children, create opportunities for your children to try, let their talents be stimulated, and strive to become what you want to be the most in your later life.
Just like Su Yiming, when she is about to celebrate her 18th birthday, she realized her youthful dream of becoming a champion in the Olympic Games!
On the first trip to the Winter Olympics, this "talented teenager" received 1 gold and 1 silver and prepared a unique coming-of-age ceremony for himself.
The fulfillment of parents is the source of excellence for children
The educator Sukhomlinsky put it: If we seek to concentrate all the mental strength of the child on his homework, his life will become unbearable.
As Gu Ailing's mother said in an interview, it is not necessary to require children to score 100 points, as long as children master this knowledge.
Gu Ailing once said that his father graduated from Harvard, his mother graduated from Peking University and Stanford, and his grandfather also graduated from Stanford, so he must also be admitted to Stanford's school.
But Gu's mother believes that it does not matter what school the child goes to, as long as she goes to what she particularly likes, and more importantly, she will not give up learning for a lifetime.
Before Gu Ailing participated in the third jump of the gold medal in the freestyle ski women's big jump final, Gu's mother once spoke to her on the phone and suggested that she jump 1420 in the air so that she could compete for the silver medal.
But Gu Ailing insisted on letting go and jumping the difficult action of 1620, and Gu's mother was also calm: "OK, this is your game, then enjoy it." ”
Because Mother Gu realizes that it is important to fulfill the child's wishes, when the child is willing, she will join in and try to do it.
In this process, parents only need to help their children firmly aim, do a good job of self-management, and strive to achieve their goals.
The famous American psychologist McCleacher believes that anyone has a motivation for achievement.
For children, the motivation for hard work is their clear goals and ideas, and this sufficient internal drive makes them more active and active.
Almost all excellent children strive towards their own goals and become excellent again.
Therefore, to complete the child, so that the child has the goal of effort, just like having a weapon, can be under the threat of infinite time and space and the unknown, so that confidence has a source, so that the future has hope.
Fulfill the child, parents can do it
In "Growing Up with Children for Life", it has been said that unconditional love, sense of value, and lifelong growth mentality are the best gifts given by parents to their children.
Therefore, it is recommended that parents start from the following three points to help and complete their children.
First, respect your child's choices.
There is a scene in "No Questions Asked" that impressed me, that is, Shen Guangyao went to study thousands of miles away.
His mother said, "When you were going to come here to study, neither your father nor I objected. Because we want you to enjoy the joys of life. ”
Later, Shen Guangyao wanted to join the army, and his mother only hoped that he would experience the joys of life, including getting married and having children, not to add grandchildren for her, but only to enjoy the fun of parenthood.
This selfless mother, even if she does not give up, is to complete her son with great love, because this is the child as an independent individual, to choose the life she wants.
Shen Guangyao, who grew up under such a family education, became upright, kind and responsible.
Psychologists believe that the pursuit of respect is a positive mentality, a common psychological need of every normal person, and an internal driving force for a person to forge ahead, be positive, and realize self-worth.
Parents respect their children's choices and meet their children's real needs, so that their children's hearts are full of motivation and continue to strive forward.
Second, allow children to make mistakes.
Yin Jianli once said: Childhood needs "trial and error", and children need to "disobey".
For not allowing a child to make a mistake, just as a child who is not allowed to learn to walk wrestle, replaces the long-lasting, inner perfection with temporary, superficial perfection.
Academician Zhong Nanshan, a hero of the fight against the epidemic, once took the money that should have been handed over to the school canteen when he was a child and went to buy snacks.
When his father found out, he said, "Nanshan, think about it, you are doing this to deceive us, is it right?" ”
Academician Zhong Nanshan said that his father's words benefited him for life, and since then he has regarded being an honest person and telling the truth as a creed in life.
Only when parents establish a sense of allowing children to make mistakes, they will let their children try and experience, let children learn to face their mistakes, and finally help children to make a reflection.
As educators conclude from many parenting books, parents "teach deliberately" far less than children "spontaneously learn."
Then, empathize with the child's efforts and efforts.
Su Yiming explained the reason why his dream came true after the game: "Once you find something you love, do your best to complete the goal, because the effort never deceives people." ”
And Su's mother also said in a letter to her son:
"What you should be most grateful for is yourself, it is you who have never given up since the age of 4, which has made you stronger now and allows you to face all the situations that come to you in life more calmly." 」
Su's mother saw the tears in her eyes after her child won the championship on the spot, and she understood that the child had made countless efforts, even her own life, in order to realize the dream of the Olympic championship.
She also understands that children prefer to see their efforts recognized rather than the end result.
As parents, you should know that while learning to praise your child's achievement results, you should pay more attention to the process of your child's efforts, and also express your expectations for your child.
The child knows that his efforts have been affirmed, so he will work harder and harder to achieve the next greater success.
Parents always say to their children, "I love you!" ”
But saying I love you a thousand times is not as good as a small support, respect, and affirmation, and it can make children feel love.
The best love is to fulfill the child.
Parents not only see the child's truest thoughts, understand the child's efforts, but also unconditionally support the child, so as to awaken and stimulate the child's confidence and motivation to move forward.
In fact, looking around, those happy, happy, successful children, most of the family environment, is like this, isn't it?
Author's profile: Xiao Xiaowei, parents intensive reading columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement will be investigated
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