1, cold jokes girlfriend salary jokes, girlfriend a serious said to me: "Dad, do not put money in the bank, put in the money is gone!" I asked why? She said

1, cold jokes girlfriend salary jokes, girlfriend a serious said to me: "Dad, do not put money in the bank, put in the money is gone!" I asked why? She said: "Every year I press the New Year's money, my mother said to save it in the bank, and the result was gone!" "Girl, you're right, your father and my salary were also deposited in the bank by your mother, and it was gone!"

2. Yan Wangye went to the 18th floor to inspect the work and asked Lu Judge: "Is everything normal?" Lu Judge: "The new Xiao Zhen who guards the oil pot is a pervert!!!! Yama: "What do you mean?" Lu Judge: "Every time he pushes people down the oil pot, he wraps two people around and throws them down." Yama: "Normal, forgot to tell you that he used to fry twist flowers!!!! ”

3, I don't want to hide it, I really want to think so painfully, when idle all in my head is you, when I have you, I don't know how to cherish, but now I regret it, now I am waiting, waiting, waiting, every day I am fantasizing about seeing you come back. Can you hear it, cinema.

4, niece five years old, just ate bananas, called her: "Baby, come and eat bananas!" She said slowly, "How are you?" I was stunned: "What's wrong?" Unexpectedly, she said: "Every time Dad says this, Mom answers like this."

5, husband, I have a pox-free physiotherapy card for you, when you have time, you can go to it" "What do you mean?" Think I'm so ugly with acne, I love you so much" "No, no, I just... I don't want to kiss you like kissing a toad every time I kiss you! ”

6, the girlfriend went to the hospital for follow-up consultation, and the doctor who followed up was surprised to see it. Doctor: When I came to the beginning of the month with a beer belly, how did I lose weight at the end of the month? Girlfriend: I diet, eat more fruits and vegetables, exercise every day to do sit-ups, push-ups, running and so on. The doctor suddenly realized: I understand! Girlfriend: You don't understand! Then I ate my stomach, pulled for more than a month, and then I lost weight!

7, Xiao Wang took his girlfriend to play in the mountains of his hometown. The girlfriend walked in the dense woods and asked worriedly, "We won't get lost, will we?" Xiao Wang smiled and said, "I have been playing hide-and-seek here with my friends since I was a child, I have been to every corner, and every tree has left a mark, rest assured." The girlfriend listened with wide eyes and asked curiously, "How do you make a mark on the tree?" Could it be that every tree is dripping urine..."

8, I used to like a senior, stay by his side, do not dare to look up and speak, his hands are very good-looking, there is always a faint smell of soap on the clothes. Later, when I became his girlfriend, I learned that this fool threw his clothes into the bucket and stepped on them, and then hung up the soap bubbles without washing them.

9, I opened a clothing store, my mother often spread my mobile phone number outside, let others go to my store to buy clothes. On this day, she gave my mobile phone number to a cousin of a relative's family, and the man called me every day, which I felt a little annoyed. Husband and mother-in-law are quite critical, don't answer his phone! And he is afraid of offending people. Just now I called again, and I pressed the answer button and said in Mandarin word by word: Your call has stopped! Only to hear the other person say to himself: How can it stop? Wait a minute to help you pay your phone bill! Dizzy, should I cry or laugh?

10, sister and brother-in-law just talked about love that will, brother-in-law has time to go to my sister's unit to ask for warmth, that is simply a day not to see as every three autumns ... My sister's unit is not good to park nearby, where the land is scarce, every time you park a car, you have to spend twenty or thirty... Brother-in-law: "Your parking lot is too expensive, you have to pay twenty or thirty every time!" Sister: "What do you say?" Next time you don't come, give me 30 and I'll send you a selfie! ”

The 11-year-old and 6-year-old son is too naughty, does not write homework and is secretly playing games, just found out by me, beat him up! After a while, I wanted to go out and buy a pack of cigarettes, but I couldn't find the car keys! I searched every corner of the room, jumping up and down for more than half an hour! Finally, my son saw that I was in a hurry and asked me, do you want the key? Do you know it's wrong to hit someone? You can reason with me, you can't hit people! I was stunned and asked him do you know where the key is? Take it out! He smiled and said, you admit it to me first, I will tell you...

12, the female boss raised my monthly salary to 15,000, the premise is to impersonate her boyfriend, thinking that I just pretended to be me anyway and agreed. But I didn't expect to often accompany her out to socialize, in order to convince others, I had to pick her up every day to and from work, and it was difficult to distinguish between true and false. Three months later I became the new head of the company, and she was pregnant and retired to the second line. I said that I was promoted by strength, do you believe it?

13, the son took his father's mobile phone to play LOL, accidentally found that there are three thousand pieces in Alipay. So he told his mother about it. The father was forced to give three thousand yuan to his wife. Since then, my father has worked overtime every day, not attended parties, and smoked. Half a year later, when the summer vacation came, the father pulled his son to a corner and said meaningfully... Son, I'm saving money again, but you don't have to tell your mother. I bought you a lot of Olympiad materials, and also signed you up for ten cram schools, and your mother must be very happy to know.

14, the family's four-year-old daughter is particularly cute, every time she comes home from work, she will tease her. Once, I jokingly asked my daughter: "We are going to raise a pig, but we need to arrange work, we have to choose a person to feed the pig delicious food every day, a person to clean the pig's room every day, a person to bathe the pig every day, and a person to play with the pig every day. The daughter replied without hesitation: "Be a pig!" ”