This is the 2279th article of modern parent education
This article comes from the public account: Qian Zhiliang Studio
ID: qzlgzs
This year, due to the epidemic, the parents of college freshmen can not enter the school, a teacher who does the new student enrollment work said that there are still many parents, all kinds of requests to let them in, for various reasons:
Worried that the child can not carry the luggage, to go in to clean the bed for the child, afraid that the child does not know how to sign up...
He said with emotion:
"Children now, there is really no chance of suffering. Parents take good care of them and protect them too well. ”
Indeed, now that the material conditions are good, the children of each family are a collection of thousands of pets, and parents care for their children, and they are reluctant to let their children suffer a little and suffer a little grievance.
However, when he was a child, he was reluctant to let his child suffer, and he may suffer more in the future.
1
Once saw a family dispute case, a Mr. Wang in Nanjing smashed his son's home, the son learned of it, threatened to take a knife to cut the father, fortunately the police arrived in time to prevent the situation from continuing to develop.
It turned out that Mr. Wang's son was 34 years old, and more than ten years ago, Mr. Wang spent millions of dollars to send him to the United Kingdom for further study, and when he returned, he bought a house and a car, paving all the roads for his son.
Unexpectedly, now my son is idle all day, afraid of hardships and unwilling to work, all the expenses are asked to reach out to the family, "nibble the old" to eat peace of mind.
Mr. Wang, who was angry, sold the car he bought for his son, and the son smashed his father's car in retaliation. The son's unrepentant behavior made Mr. Wang angry, and then there was the scene above.
Parents from an early age to the child obedient, take care of meticulously, rather than the child suffer a little grievance, the child will lack the ability and sense of responsibility for independence, too dependent on the parents, can not bear the pain, encounter problems will only be thrown to others, easy to be defeated by difficulties and setbacks.
The children raised in this way are difficult to gain a foothold in society, and it is difficult to withstand the wind and rain in life.
2
There is such a topic on Zhihu: "Is it still meaningful to exercise children to suffer hardships at the moment?" There are two answers at the bottom that I agree with:
"Instead of exercising the child's ability to eat chaff or a penny and three-petal flower, it is to exercise the child's ability to 'withstand the worst of the moment' in various unpredictable situations in the future growth process and better come out."
"Exercising hardship is more about exercising a habit of suffering, exercising a quality of encountering difficulties and facing difficulties.
Exercise a perseverance. ”
Parents are willing to let their children suffer from an early age, so that children have the opportunity to exercise their abilities, hone their hearts, turn "suffering" into an experience, harvest practical and useful wisdom, and benefit them for a lifetime.
The so-called suffering is not to deliberately reduce clothing and food, let the child feel the material scarcity, not to ignore the child's needs, deliberately not to meet him, but to be willing to let go, let the child experience difficulties and setbacks, experience some uncomfortable and unhappy things.
In this process, parents give love and support, and children will gain mental maturity, be able to persist, be willing to pay, and have a more resolute and resilient personality.
Li Ka-shing, the richest man in China, said of his educational experience:
"Everyone has the heart of 'Hoping for a Son to Become a Dragon', but having a loving heart cannot make the child grow up healthily, and the failure of many parents and godsons lies in the inability to 'endure'." Teach children to be 'patient', so that children can become independent. ”
For his two sons, he has been practicing "hardship education", cultivating children's hard-working attitude from an early age, letting children see the difficulties of real life, and admonishing children to be serious and down-to-earth and work hard.
He never used a private car to transport his children to and from school, but let them squeeze the bus every day, he rarely gave his children pocket money, but encouraged them to use their spare time to do part-time...
Actor Wu Qilong talked about his childhood on the show, and also talked about the hardships of his training.
"Every day, I get up at five o'clock to train, continue training after school, and then go home at 10:11 pm. I have an older brother and a younger brother, and they get rewarded for 90 points, and I get beaten up for 90 points. ”
At that time, I felt that my parents were strict and cruel, but when I look back now, Wu Qilong said:
"It's very hard, but the hardships at this stage will become a very important foundation for future life." Let me develop the habit of not giving up easily, self-discipline, and persevering in my efforts. ”
3
For our ordinary families, there is no need to deliberately create conditions for children to experience hardship. Helping children exercise their abilities and move toward independence, so that children naturally experience setbacks, difficulties and challenges in daily life, is helpful for children's growth.
Specifically, these three kinds of "suffering", parents should be willing to let their children eat:
(1) The "bitterness" of learning:
Any career, even if it is interested in support, is really boring and cyclical, but it is a lifelong benefit to persist for a long time. The same goes for learning.
Many children can't stand the learning activities that require concentration and deep thinking, and only think about ease and happiness, play games, and brush videos, which cannot be indulged.
Parents need to help their children establish rules, patiently guide, cultivate children's good learning habits, set goals, be proactive, and let children learn to persist, focus, and continue to work towards the goal in learning.
(2) The "bitterness" of labor
One thing that many parents like to say to their children is: "You just need to do a good job of studying, and you don't have to take care of other things." ”
As a result, many children at home are "ten fingers do not stick to the spring water", the basic self-care ability is not there, and gradually breed lazy, greedy bad habits.
From the beginning of the child's childhood, parents should consciously train their children's independent ability, do their own things, and do more housework.
In the course of labor, children not only exercise their self-care ability, but also develop the quality of hard work and pragmatism, and can appreciate the difficulty of parents' efforts, so as to learn to cherish and be grateful.
The good habit of hard work and willingness to work will also be transferred to the child's learning and life, making him uneasy about pleasure, knowing how to be diligent and self-motivated.
(3) The "suffering" of frustration and failure
Reflecting and learning in setbacks and failures is the most valuable experience in a person's life.
For children, parents don't buy what they want, have conflicts with friends, are criticized by teachers, work hard but don't get good results, and don't win awards in competitions... These setbacks, big and small, are good times for him to learn and grow.
Parents can not be intolerant, heartache, to meet all the requirements of the child, to help him avoid or bear all unsatisfactory things, encounter difficulties immediately rush forward to help him solve.
The most important thing is to let the child naturally experience setbacks, experience those uncomfortable, sad, and frustrated emotions, and teach the child how to face it correctly and positively, how to get out of the negative emotions and move forward.
When the child is frustrated, parents should show love and patience, accompany him, accept and understand his feelings, and then give the child encouragement and valuable suggestions, so that the child can regain confidence and change the status quo through practical actions.
When the child encounters problems or difficulties, parents may wish to wait, let themselves think independently, try to solve, and then provide appropriate help when he really needs help.
This will exercise the child's ability to think independently and solve problems, and the ability to resist setbacks is stronger.
Master of Traditional Chinese Studies, Fu Peirong once said:
"Suffering is not to overcome others, but to face the true face of life, because in suffering, life has no cover and can show its depth, breadth and height."
There is no life that does not have to suffer. Children who can eat bitterness and can refine "sweet" in "bitterness" will go further in the future.
This article is reproduced in Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: qzlzgs), written by | Qian Zhiliang, a famous teacher at Beijing Normal University. Focus on special education, family education, early childhood education. He is the author of "Early Knowledge of Admission", "Early Education of Science", "140 Chinese Characters learned in a hurry", etc.