"Derogatory education" will only bring resistance to the growth of children, it is better to give children a little more praise, to give children a sincere, warm, sunny love.
- Le Dad
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Source | Internet
On the way home from work, I heard a mother-son conversation: "You look at yourself, how can you do anything?" ”
A mother said that the child also pushed the child by the hand, so that the child who was walking next to her staggered forward, almost did not stand.
"What did your teacher say at the parent-teacher conference today?" Do you remember?
Say that you turn in your homework every day, do the worst, and can't work as a team with other classmates around you.
You can't tell me how you are, I really don't know what you are doing to get you to school, if you don't want to, don't go tomorrow. The child walked in front without saying a word, and it was faintly possible to see the child slowly lowering his head, and it was obvious that the child's mood was beginning to decline more and more with the continuous depreciation of the mother.
Education expert Li Meijin once did a survey of 1,000 minors, and the results of the analysis found:
Children who are often scolded by their parents at home have the greatest chance of personality defects, with 25.7% of children having "low self-esteem and depression", 22.1% of children being "cold", and 56.5% of children often being "grumpy".
When the child's mind is not mature and very dependent on the parents, the parents are no less than the God in the child's heart, the sky above his head, the child is convinced of the parents' words, and the knife in the dialogue is fully accepted.
The book "Poisoned Parents" writes:
"Children don't distinguish between facts and jokes, they believe what their parents say about themselves and turn them into their own ideas."
It is conceivable that the depreciation of parents is so lethal to the child that it can almost ruin the child's life.
In the explosive domestic drama "In the Name of Family", the supporting role qi Mingyue in the play grew up in the low voice of his mother.
No matter how hard she tries, how good she is in the eyes of outsiders, in the eyes of her mother, she is not as good as "other people's children".
She was the class president in high school, and she ranked second in the exam, which was great.
But her mother always hated that she was the second oldest, not as good as the first place.
After work, her scum friend Li Jianjian became a wood carving artist, and her mother hated that she was not as artistically talented as Li Jianjian.
She became a journalist she liked, and as soon as her mother called, she belittled her profession, thinking that her job was not organized and unstable, forcing her to take the civil service examination.
She saved money to buy her first car, and she was very happy to say that her mother took a ride, but her mother thought that her car was too cheap and lost face, so she quickly sold it.
"If you look at someone else's child, how good the grades are..."
"If you look at someone else's children, be obedient..."
"You look at other people's children, and those who graduated with you have bought a house and a car, and then look at you..."
Parents say this is not necessarily malicious, I also believe that parents love their children, and children love their parents.
But you have to admit that your most beloved family may hit and hurt you the most.
Many parents will say: Hit you and deny you because they love you and are for your own good.
But since it is love, why do we have to pierce our hearts with thorny language?
As the old saying goes, bad words hurt the cold of June.
Day after day of blowing, belittling, scolding, how can a child become a gentle, confident and sunny person in such a family environment?
Psychologists say:
Parents belittling their children will make children have a strong inferiority complex.
When you grow up, in interpersonal communication, there are often feelings of shame, insecurity and trust in people, and you will always feel that you are not worthy of all the beauty of this world.
In the long run, it will also increase the child's chances of depression.
However, in life, we often see parents demeaning their children out of the following mentalities:
1. "Derogatory" encouragement
As a parent, who doesn't want to raise a good child and watch their child live an ideal life?
However, once the mentality of hoping for Jackie Chan is excessive, a piece of parental hard work will become a pair of shackles for children.
The Institute of Journalism and Communication of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences and other institutions have released the "Blue Book for Teenagers", and through the investigation of students in many cities, they have sorted out the "5 sentences that children hate parents the most":
1. Go study/write your homework fast!
2. You look at someone else's child / You look at someone else!
3. No mobile phones / No TV / No games!
4. It's useless/stupid!
5. Play all day long!
It is undeniable that behind these uncomfortable languages, there are hidden parents' spurs and expectations.
Many parents in the comment area said that this is to motivate their children to be self-motivated, awaken shame, and make children work hard.
But after a few words, the imaginary effect was not achieved.
On the contrary, it makes children more disgusted and more likely to fall into self-doubt.
2. "Derogatory" modesty
Some parents not only rarely praise their children, but also cannot face others to praise their children.
For example, friends and family boast, "This kid is so smart!" ”
In a position of humility and modesty, some parents will immediately say: "Cough, he is not good, not as good as your child's grades." ”
It is not that the shining point of the child cannot be seen, but that it is forcibly degraded to be thoughtful and sophisticated.
But these words fell into the child's ears, and it was too heartfelt.
Especially in front of outsiders, this negation is enough to make him believe it.
Children will naturally have too low a self-evaluation and dare not release their inner emotions.
3. "Derogatory" self-projection
If the parents themselves are not good enough and do not have enough voice in society, they will have an inferiority complex and vent their pressure on their work on their children.
This situation is not widespread, but it does exist.
For example, Shen Wei, the "wandering master" who broke out of the fire before, begged for a living, but was familiar with but familiar with the classics of traditional Chinese studies, with clear thinking and calm attitude, which triggered a lot of curiosity and onlookers.
But Shen Wei said of himself: "I have a sense of depression, and I have been at a loss in front of my father since I was a child. ”
As a child, Shen Wei liked to paint and loved humanistic history, but his father hated it and banned it.
Shen Wei could only study according to his father's requirements since he was a child.
Once he was found reading his favorite books, his father would scold him and brainwash him into saying, "You will never show up for the rest of your life."
Later, Shen Wei filled in the university volunteer and was forced by his father to choose the auditing major.
Because that was an ideal that my father had not realized, it must be realized by him.
Later, Shen Wei, after a mental breakdown, angrily ran away to beg, resisting the persecution and control of his father for the first half of the decade.
The master and the beggar are only between the lines. This line should be a warning line in our hearts.
No matter what kind of mentality, it is not advisable to belittle and hit the child.
If we always turn a blind eye to the child's emotions, then even if this depreciation is wrapped in love, it will become a painful memory of the child's life.
Tagore once wrote in his poem: "Let my love surround you like sunshine and give you brilliant splendor and freedom." ”
Living in an environment that does not lack love is the luck of a child's life.
Faye Wong was once asked in an interview, "As a parent of a child with an 'angel mark', what do you think you can do for your child?" ”
Faye Wong said: It is to treat her as a normal child, and at this stage of the child's growth, the attitude of parents will affect her very much.
I look at her now and really think she's beautiful, no problem at all.
This answer, simple and open-minded, reveals a mother's deep love for her child.
Later, Li Yan was confident and generous, and smiled beautifully in front of the camera.
Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, once said that everyone may have inferiority, and self-confidence grows step by step with the overcoming of our inferiority complex.
If the child has accumulated a lot of inferiority from an early age, then the process of building self-confidence is bound to be protracted, and every step in the future must pay more effort and courage than other children.
Life is hard.
Everyone has imperfections, children have them, parents have them, and that doesn't justify our harsh words against our children.
Don't add these psychological burdens to your children, don't skimp on your children's praise, and give them a sincere, warm, sunny love.
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