Text | Zhang Ke granules
Source | Daughter Pie (ID: nverpai)
Hello everyone, I'm Sprout Mom.
I once read a survey by a research institute: "Who are the people you respect the most?" ”
In the minds of American children, the first place is the father, the second is Jordan, and the third is the mother;
In the minds of Japanese children, the first place is also the father, the second is the mother, and the third is Sakamoto Ryoma (hero of the Meiji Restoration);
In the minds of Chinese children, the result is just the opposite, the father is ranked last (10th), and the mother is ranked 11th.
At that time, a newspaper commented on this:
"Many Chinese parents think they are the best homeschoolers in the world, but they can't stop their status in the minds of their children from declining."
The child's family status is getting higher and higher, but the parents are becoming more and more humble.
Many parents are puzzled, they obviously give all their love and energy to raise their children, how can children not understand their own good intentions, do not know how to respect themselves?
Let's share 3 stories with you, maybe we can find the real answer from it.
01
The first story takes place in Jiangsu.
One night at 11 o'clock, the boy and a few of his classmates were still playing around the house, unaware that it was time for bed.
The boy's father, fearing that the parents of the other children would be worried, pushed the door in and reminded the children not to play too late.
No one could have imagined that the boy actually rushed out of the door, punched and kicked his father without saying a word, and made a fierce and decisive move.
The mother persuaded the boy to turn a deaf ear.
At this time, the classmates in the room seemed to hear the quarrel, came out to apologize and wanted to leave, but were pushed back into the room by the boy.
Immediately after, the boy began to beat his father again.
The grandfather in the next room saw this and also went out of the room, trying to persuade the boy and calm the dispute.
But the boy turned a blind eye, and even pushed and shoved Grandpa many times, and kicked Grandpa.
But the boy's anger still did not dissipate, and he shifted the target to his father.
He locked his father's throat, tripped him to the ground, and kicked him hard.
Still not relieved, he picked up the drinks on the table and poured them all over his father's head.
The violence of the children was infuriating, but no one in the whole family intervened to stop it.
Even the tall and burly father has always chosen to swallow his anger and let his children beat him and humiliate him.
The surveillance on the wall recorded this deviant scene, and the dispute lasted for a long time...
Below the video, this is a high-profile comment:
"In a family, children dare to speak ill of their parents, or even directly, and the order of the family has long been out of balance."
Blind connivance will only raise a contrarian who does not understand respect and gratitude.
02
The second story is about a 17-year-old girl.
From childhood to adulthood, dad always spoiled her like a princess.
She loved the guitar, and dad saved money and enrolled her in guitar lessons.
Each lesson cost seven or eight hundred, but she gave up after a few days of study.
She wanted to study abroad, and her father went to great lengths to send her to the United States.
But she went for a year and ran home saying she didn't want to go.
Even if she was so willful, the family never blamed her.
This time, however, she just wanted a pair of shoes for 800 yuan, and her father refused.
So she started crying.
She couldn't accept it, why wouldn't her father, who had always loved her, refuse to continue to meet her demands?
She picked up the scissors and cut the clothes on her father's body.
In desperation, the father called the police for help, and he sadly accused his daughter of all kinds of bad deeds...
"It's not the first time we've cut clothes, our family has cut them a dozen times over and over again."
In fact, coddling is not love, but a kind of harm.
I dare not imagine that today my daughter can pick up scissors to cut her parents' clothes, and tomorrow she will aim her scissors at where?
03
The third story takes place in a crowded square.
In the crowd, a 7-year-old boy took his mother's hand and cried, asking her mother to buy a toy.
The mother did not buy, and the boy actually slapped his mother and asked, "Do you really want to buy it?" ”
The mother was angry and wanted to walk away, and the son hurriedly pulled it, and the tone began to soften.
Suddenly, the son grabbed his mother's hair vigorously and forced him to threaten his mother.
The mother begged, "Let go, it hurts." ”
At this time, a young girl in her 20s came to break the siege, but was drunk by the boy with a "you roll".
The boy became more and more frantic, and actually reached out and pinched his mother's throat, making her face red and weak.
The child continued to push his mother towards the toy, and the mother was reluctant.
Suddenly, the boy once again grabbed his mother's hair and forced him to ask, "Do you want to buy it?" ”
The mother was helpless: "Here it is again, it hurts so much, let it go, I will buy it." ”
The mother eventually compromised and took the child to the toy stall.
A farce, so far the curtain has come to an end.
The people a child admires and respects most at first are their parents.
But when you have indulged your child once, he has a disdain for his parents.
The further you go, the more the idea snowballs.
At this time, it is too late for parents to discipline their children well.
04
3 children, different ages, different genders, but the same disrespectful, lawless.
We all know that in a family, parents are the roots and children are the fruits.
If there is a problem with the fruit, most of it is the root that has a problem.
Children do not know how to respect their parents, often it is a problem in family education.
Parents dot on their children, and children control their parents.
Parents have lost their principles and the dignity of elders in the eyes of their children.
My neighbor Aunt Man especially loved his daughter Xiao Ai, and from childhood she was afraid of falling in her hands and in her mouth.
And Xiao Ai also lived up to expectations, often won the championship of various competitions at a young age, and the results were also among the best in the class, and her neighbors praised her.
One day, a group of children were playing in the children's playground downstairs in the community, and Xiao Ai also had a lot of fun.
It was late, and Aunt Man urged Xiao Ai to go home for dinner.
The first time he urged, Xiao Ai pushed Aunt Man away and said, "Don't argue with me, roll quickly", and Aunt Man was very embarrassed.
The second time he urged, Xiao Ai actually shoveled a handful of sand and raised his aunt's face.
"Why are you so annoyed, can you please take care of me less?"
At that time, I was so surprised that I could not speak.
But Aunt Man didn't care: "Child, it's good to be old." ”
Later, I heard that Xiao Ai Kao went to a prestigious university, but he still drank from Aunt Man and had no respect at all.
How sad is it that a mother does her best to care for and please her child, but the child treats her as dung, despises her, insults her, and bullies her.
The biggest failure of education is to pay all the effort to care for the child, but not to win the child's little respect.
There are too many children, and they all live in a "responsive" family.
Children are excessively demanding, parents blindly give in, and the result is often that children have to move in and climb onto the parents' heads to do something wrong.
Parenting expert Professor Li Meijin said:
"When the child is 3 years old, you do not meet his requirements, and he will roll all over the place at most;
But when he's 15, he may self-harm, commit suicide, and argue with you;
But when he's 20, he may resent you or even attack you. ”
Education is often a matter of subtlety.
A child who does not know how to respect his parents will not appreciate everything his parents have done for him, nor will he cherish everything he has in the moment.
He will only always dislike his parents, have no conditions to provide him with a better family background, and will not have the ability to lift him to see the bigger world.
A child who does not know how to respect his parents, even if he is excellent, it is not good for the family and society.
05
The writer Mo Yan once said:
"Everyone receives family education first from birth, and it is also family education that is most affected.
This kind of education has words and deeds, and even I think that teaching by example is more important than words.
You live in this family, your elders, your relatives, what kind of way they treat work, treat others;
I think it will have a very direct and subtle impact on the child. ”
Parents do not teach, children do not understand, parents should lead by example to teach children how to respect parents, respect elders.
I know that some netizens once shared such a story:
His daughter loves chicken thighs, so every time the family makes a cut and fried chicken, she will leave a complete chicken leg for her daughter.
But he later discovered a problem, the daughter thought that the best in the family should be given to herself, and she was very rude to the family.
Coincidentally, once my daughter was fascinated by watching cartoons, and she called for dinner many times without responding.
And he said to his daughter:
"I only call you one last time, if you don't respect others and let others wait, then others don't have to wait for you." 」
The daughter still did not move, and nodded perfunctorily.
After everyone was halfway through eating, her daughter arrived late.
As soon as I came to the table, I immediately asked, "What about my chicken legs?" ”
In front of his daughter, he took out the chicken leg that was warmed in the rice cooker and said, "Grandma who cooked today is very hard, so the chicken leg should be given to Grandma." ”
His daughter cried loudly, and he carried her into the house to educate, passing on these 3 thoughts:
1, we love you very much, but not everything in the family must be based on you first;
2, the family to take care of you, you have to respect the family's goodness to you, know the hardships of others;
Ask for help and say "please."
3. After coming out of the house, the daughter apologized to the family for talking too loudly before.
Since then, every time my daughter eats, she will come early and no longer compete for chicken legs.
A child who knows how to respect his parents is the greatest success of family education.
Because from the child's attitude towards his parents, he can glimpse his future behavior and treatment of people and things.
A child who does not even pay attention to his parents must also be a person who is calculating, narrow-minded, and lacks etiquette when he grows up.
Parents are the learning objects of children's initial growth, strict requirements for themselves, control their own words and deeds, children can learn to tolerate and love, learn to understand and respect from their parents.
We respect the child, but also win the respect of the child, we can let the good educational concept nourish the child's heart, transform into the child's driving force, accompany him through the long years of life.
Author: Zhang Keliang, source: daughter pie (ID: nverpai), about the dry goods of raising daughters, here are all there; about the bittersweet of raising daughters, here are all understood; may they be pure and good in life, knowledgeable in life, and decent in one life. Image source: Petals
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