The little niece had to sleep with me at night, and just two minutes after she got into the bed, the little niece said with a look of disgust: Aunt, don't you sweep the bed, what is in the bed, kill me, I

The little niece had to sleep with me at night, and just two minutes after she got into the bed, the little niece said with a look of disgust: Auntie, don't you sweep the bed, what is in the bed, kill me, I quickly opened the quilt. A smell of stinky farts greeted her, and the little niece laughed breathlessly: My mother said that I must have farted too much baked sweet potatoes today, let me sleep with you!

2 There is a vegetable seller downstairs in my house, it is said that the monthly income is 10000000, and every day at six o'clock wakes me up: "Eggplant beans and beans chili peppers!" Cheap! "I'm so angry that I can't do it. A few days later I went to work and got up at six in the morning, thinking I was going to use him as an alarm clock. The first day was fine, the next day he didn't come. I was late for work, and the leader said I didn't value my work and fired me. I went home and got into a big fight with him and told him to pay me for my job. He said yes, and now I still get up at six o'clock every day to buy him vegetables

3 When I came home for the New Year, my mother complained that I didn't bring her a gift, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed. So I immediately went to the online store, picked out a few different colors, and asked my mother which color I liked when I placed the order. Mom glanced at it and said, "How old are you this year?" I laughed and said, "25 years old, you forgot." Mom was instantly angry: You still know that 25 years old, you see what kind of goods you choose, black is not slippery, lifeless, no vitality at all, re-select, pick the most gorgeous for me!

4 The girlfriend is the class leader, once she presided over the class meeting, before the meeting, she smiled and groaned that she wanted to investigate everyone's private life, saying that the boy with a girlfriend raised his hand. There weren't many boys raising their hands, and I looked at her happily and raised my hands. Step by step, she came down from the podium, came to me and said: Well, you put your hand down, you don't lift it when you should, do you hold it blindly when you shouldn't?

5 The little nephew brought his female classmates to play at home, and I teased him at the side: "Is this your new girlfriend?" It's not as pretty as the last time. The little nephew glanced at me dismissively and said to the little girl: "Don't listen to my uncle's nonsense, a single dog who has been single for more than 20 years, seeing two cats walking together and wanting to break up, he is jealous of us." The little girl: "I understand, my cousin is like this..."

6 Boyfriend's birthday, in order to surprise him, I mobilized all my friends, as well as friends' friends, and finally gathered 520 people, and made an appointment for everyone to text him "I love you" at midnight. The next day, looking at his sleepy eyes, I carefully asked, "Aren't you happy to receive a special gift?" He said: "I leaned on, it turned out that you did it, scared me to death, afraid that you would be jealous, I deleted it for a night." ”

7 Since my wife was pregnant with quadruplets, I quit my job as a Senior Executive of Evergrande and concentrated on taking care of her at home. Last night, my wife suddenly woke up in the middle of the night and said she wanted to eat a barbecue, and I immediately drove to buy it. As a result, just out of the community, he was rear-ended by a BMW 3 Series, and the owner of the car was a beautiful woman. She looked at my car and said, "A Volkswagen, I can afford it!" I silently replied: "I heard that Volkswagen has a twelve-cylinder engine, Phaeton?" She showed a frightened expression: "Are you Phaeton?" Me: "No, Passat, I just wanted to ask if you've heard of it?" ”

8 big nights are sleeping female colleagues have to borrow a money, she said: "Brother, I borrowed a revolving loan due, you give me 20,000, I pay it back, and I will take it out for you in an instant." I was a little incredulous, she took out her phone and said, "You see, you see, it's really circular, as far as our relationship is concerned, I can still pit you!" "I looked closely, and there were two words really written on the loop, 20,000 is not a decimal for me, but we are a very good relationship, and it is a matter of seconds, and I agreed." Then, she returned, and then she looked a little embarrassed: "Brother, no loop out... Allow me to 3 days. "I was in a hurry, how did things turn into 3 days in a few seconds. The female colleague proposed: "Brother, if you can't believe me, I'll make you a girlfriend these days." "I refused, the female colleague is very beautiful, I am afraid that after 3 days, she is still my girlfriend, then the 20,000 will not come back? That's right

9 After I was dismissed from Lao Gan Ma Company, I ran to work at Wang Laoji Company, but I did not expect to be expelled again. I was particularly depressed, so I took a bottle of Wuliangye and went to find Fa Xiao to drink. After thirty years of drinking, he asked me: Have you been expelled? I said helplessly: Well, the hostess was pregnant, and then she fired me! A small face of surprise: What? The hostess is pregnant and expelled you, what is the situation? Me: The hostess said that when she was pregnant, she saw me every day, afraid that the child would grow up as ugly as me, so she fired me...

10 The brother-in-law looks sorry for the public, and is still single at the age of 35. The disheartened brother-in-law went to the master to calculate the ming, and the brother-in-law: "Please help calculate the marriage!" Master: "Congratulations, in the future your wife must be a strange woman!" The brother-in-law said happily, "Really? Fortune teller: "Yes, you look like this or a poor ghost, as long as you are willing to marry you, you are a strange woman!" ” 

11 Last night to drive a Didi car, picked up a mobile phone, waited all day no one contacted me, I tried to enter my birthday, magical things appeared, unlocked, I opened a look, the album is all my photos, Oh my God, I have sent in the circle of friends, this is a crush on my sister ah! I quickly checked the mobile phone number, and then used my mobile phone to call to contact, rang 12 times no one answered, I was angry at once, no longer pay attention to her. I'm a proud person. I thought about it, and even if she dialed back, I wouldn't answer. Hum