1. The husband hears that his wife is having an affair and designs revenge. One night, my wife slept soundly and rubbed concentrated rat poison on her chest. The next night, the wife returned late, and when the husband asked why, the wife said sadly, "We."

1. The husband hears that his wife is having an affair and designs revenge. One night, my wife slept soundly and rubbed concentrated rat poison on her chest. The next night, the wife returned late, and when the husband asked why, the wife said sadly and indignantly, "Our leader has been poisoned and killed!" The husband asked, "Do you know who did it?" The wife said: "The murderer is quite cunning, and even the police can't find out the poison through what channel, but there are already clues, and they are investigating Sanlu and Shengyuan milk powder." The husband asked, "Why?" The wife said, "When the leader was breathing, he said, "Oh my God! Is there still safe milk in the world?

2. My brother once went to his girlfriend's house for dinner, and my uncle handed me a cigarette at the dinner table. My aunt glared at my uncle, who gave me a look, and I rushed to take it. After dinner, my aunt and girlfriend went to the kitchen to wash the dishes, and I quietly asked my uncle: "Your cigarette seems to be damp?" Uncle: "Don't mention, I haven't smoked a box of cigarettes for three months, only my daughter came back with her boyfriend to let me take the opportunity to smoke one, come, there are two more, one person smoked one!" "When I think about it in hindsight, I always feel that something is wrong!

3, this year I performed the best in the company, our president today when the conference put me as a manager. Naturally, my salary also rose a lot, and the more I thought about it throughout the day, the more I became more and more surnamed. After work, I was ecstatic to take my girlfriend to a barbecue. After eating, the girlfriend inserted the bamboo skewers in the empty beer bottle. Then he said to me, "Youth, the old man has counted you in!" After saying that, he shook the bottle, dropped a bamboo stick out, and the girlfriend shouted: "Little youth, this is the next signature!" You need to break your fortune to avoid natural disasters!! Before I could say anything, she scoured my wallet. The cargo patted me on the shoulder and said, "Rest assured, dear, I will help you block the natural disaster!" Me: "Roll!! Are you a natural disaster? It is clear that it is a man-made disaster. ”

4. In my sophomore year, I went to the food street near the school for dinner at noon. Ate a dumpling stuffed with leeks in a small restaurant, and the taste in the mouth you know. So I brushed my teeth many times after going back, went to class in the afternoon, chatted with the same table, one mouth, and the same table frowned. I thought to myself, wouldn't I, this can smell too? Immediately after his words I fainted: "Did you eat toothpaste at noon?" ”?

5. The security guards in our community are becoming more and more dedicated. It was very easy for me to find a place to park in the forward neighborhood. But today, no matter where I stopped, the security guards followed and kept saying that there were people in this place. I turned around the neighborhood several times, but finally I turned back and stopped at the very beginning. When I got home, I asked my wife happily, "Honey, am I witty?" ”

6, the ex-girlfriend disliked me riding a Yadi electric car, and eloped with a cheerful man. Half a year later, my ex-girlfriend came to me with a big belly and said I was the father of the child. I married her when I was soft-hearted, and after I got married, I bore a son, but I don't know if it was mine. On my third wedding anniversary, I went to the jewelry store to buy a diamond ring without my wife. As a result, I bought it small, and my wife couldn't wear it. My wife scolded: This thing is so expensive, and I don't lead me to try it and buy it again, it's really a loser's thing! The three-year-old son, who was sitting next to him, put the ring back into the jewelry box: Mom, it doesn't matter, if you can't wear it, keep it for my wife!

7. Yesterday I took my little nephew to the square to play, and a beautiful little girl threw the little nephew's frisbee into the slit and couldn't get it out. The little girl apologized and asked for compensation. Little nephew: I don't need to apologize, and I don't have to be bad at this money. The little girl was anxious: What then? Little nephew: My mom knew that losing frisbee would hit me. You accompany me home, say that you are my good friend, and often come to play with me, and my mother believes it and will forgive me..."

8, girlfriends are very beautiful, but sometimes lack of roots. I complained to her, "You see God is still fair, gave you a beautiful face, but gave you a bad brain." She gave me a blank look, "You have a brain, are you in good shape?" Do you have a face? Do you have objects? Do you have someone to pour water for your bag? "I want to cry...

9. Today, the roommate took the initiative to ask his girlfriend to go to the movie together, but the roommate has not even wiped the girl's hand for so many days. As they walked, it began to rain lightly outside, and the two of them walked like strangers, and the girl thought, What an idiot? The two passed by a river, and the girl deliberately threw her umbrella into the river, and the roommate was directly stunned. The girl smiled and said, "Are you going to let me carry the rain outside like this?" He suddenly realized, and with a sigh he threw down his umbrella.

10. After school, my son came back in a huff. He said to me, "Mom, the teacher is unreasonable." I asked, "What's wrong?" He said: "There is a question that asks 910 students to cross the river only one boat, a trip can only take 3 people, how many times can it be carried?" I said 304 trips, and the teacher said 303 trips. I thought the teacher was right and said, "Isn't that right?" The child asked me, "Mom, don't the boats come by?" ”

11. Once I went to match the key, I found that the master with the key was not young, and he was considered a great uncle, so he asked with some uneasiness: "Is the key you equipped with good use?" Uncle hehe said, "When I was young, I used to give the safe a key." I asked in disbelief, "Really fake?" Uncle Uncle replied unhappily, "Of course it's true, otherwise I would have been released in two years." ”

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #