Once upon a time, it began to popular "divorce tide after the college entrance examination," as the name suggests, after the end of the children's college entrance examination, middle-aged couples put down their burdens, and a large number of divorces began, alias "middle-aged divorce tide", this trend and the new marriage run-in period divorce tide, children to start a family in the old age divorce tide and called "the three top divorce tides of society". In fact, it is not difficult to look at the marriage counseling cases and find that the reasons why the vast majority of couples choose divorce are basically filled with words such as "no common language", "complaining", "resentment", "no words", "difficult to communicate", "inaction" and so on.
Happy marriages seem to be the same, but painful marriages have different stories behind them. But behind those so-called happy marriages is really perfect, not necessarily, "Intimate Relationships: The Good Way of Interpersonal Relationships" presents the model couple Gordon and his wife's way of getting along, from their experience, can't help but have an epiphany that even a perfect marriage will experience a chicken feather, but they know how to clean up and deal with this chicken feather in time, and then reflect and temper themselves from these chicken feathers, run into it, and make marriage a model.
"Intimacy: The Beauty of Relationships" is a book by speaker and Wall Street Journal best-selling author Jon Lee. Gordon and his wife Catherine wrote together. The book presents the couple's experience and heart path from love, marriage, entrepreneurship, failure; family, career and other aspects. Unlike previous books on the relationship between husband and wife, the two of them will state the same thing, and then the husband and wife will interpret and analyze the event from their own perspectives and describe their own psychology. We can see from the book a true portrayal of a miniature worldly husband and wife.
In the book, they give a formula for a happy marriage: G (Emperor, common faith), R (firm, firmly go on after choosing each other), I (investment, marriage requires two people to invest and pay together), T (together, everything communicates together to face each other's achievements). Here's how we empower our marriages together through this book:
01 Marriage is like a leather band, you tight I loose will not break
When Gordon and his wife first married, their careers were largely stable and successful, but he wanted to take his career a step further and began to run for city councilor in an attempt to make a political debut. Because of his lack of experience in his youth, he failed to run, which undoubtedly gave Gordon a big blow. Faced with such setbacks, he tried to find another way to prove his ability, so he re-entered the university and began another round of study.
And then the wife was pregnant and gave birth. During the pregnancy stage, she took care of her career and also stood for her husband's candidacy; her husband failed to run for election, and she went to study with a broken heart to heal herself. Mrs. Gordon, on the other hand, was left alone to face the birth of her child and all kinds of physical pain. Imagine a new mother who has to take care of her children every day without the help of her husband, while also facing day-to-day postpartum joint pain and other physical discomforts?
The torment of postpartum illness and depression left this new mother alone, and she called "hell" during that period. Desperate and helpless, she asked her husband for help, but he responded to her with indifference and busyness, because Mr. Gordon's inner monologue at that time was: I myself was already annoyed enough, the pressure was already great, why did I drag my hind legs at this time and cause me trouble. Later, looking back on this experience, Gordon deeply repented, and also reflected on his own selfishness and empathy.
Fortunately, the wife later recovered as before, looking back on her own mental journey, she confessed that she did not leave her husband during this period because she looked back on the sweet days of the first two people, and she could always think of the husband's initial friendliness and kindness to herself, believing that her husband was inherently good and amiable. It was when she was reminiscing about her original heart that she carried out self-healing and healing, and also healed her married life.
This gave Gordon the opportunity to learn the emotions and situation of his wife, reflect on himself, and learn to serve his wife and family, and their married life gradually became better.
If marriage is a very elastic leather band, then the husband and wife are the people who involve the leather band at both ends. To ensure that the leather band is not broken and elastic, both husband and wife must cooperate well: one party cannot give up halfway, and the other party and the child are injured; at the same time, when one party is pulling nervously, the other party must know how to relax in time. You come and go, go with the flow, and at the same time reflect on the compromise, you loosen my tightness, the strategic compromise. In short, compromise and reflection can keep the leather band flexible and elastic without breaking.
02 Marriage is like a circle, mutual achievement can be complete
In the eyes of everyone, Gordon is now a beautiful speaker and best-selling author. And how many years back in time, his embarrassing situation was only seen by his wife, and they walked hand in hand. Presumably, this is the root of Gordon's greater gratitude to his wife and family after his success.
At gordon's financial strain, his wife and children followed him up and down; at every turning point in his life, whether it was buying a restaurant, writing a book, moving, speaking, or publishing a book, his wife silently supported him behind his back. Because there is an idea in the heart of Mrs. Catherine: the decision made by her husband is feasible, so she will support it without hesitation. She can see through her husband's unique potential, and she encourages him with words of wisdom and acts of praise. She has said that she has never been afraid that her husband will abandon her after a successful career, and she will not limit her husband because of fear.
The husband is still silent after publishing the book and going on the show, and the husband has experienced failures and setbacks again and again, and she has not complained, has not despised her husband's efforts, and has not left him. Whether it is a difficult situation or a good situation, she always has a heart of respect and encouragement for her husband. So in such silence and quiet, The husband rose and succeeded, but she still maintained an ordinary original heart. In her words, "Husbands are their own kings at all times".
After going through so much, Gordon put his wife on the commanding heights of his soul------ queen, and after his success, he always believed that his wife was the female leader of the greatest power and authority in his life, so he always praised her, cherished her, loved and respected her.
The marriage we see of the Gordons is complete, but the secret of how they soften and adapt themselves to achieve this consummation lies in this: I make her queen, I make him king; in marriage, you and I get along and merge and achieve each other.
On the other hand, men and women in marriage now are afraid that their own efforts have been wrongly paid, and they dare not be unwilling to pay. Without giving but wanting to be each other's queen and king unconditionally. So the queen who does not pay falls into the misunderstanding of feminist truth; the king who does not pay falls into the chaos of patriarchal supremacy, how can such a marriage be completed, only broken.
The visual effect of perfect marital life outside is a circle, and the couple is the two parts that make up this circle. In order to achieve a state of consummation, the couple can sometimes be semi-circular, sometimes they can also be the state of gossip and two instruments, or you make a profit and I lose, or I am strong and you are weak, you have me in the mud, and I have you in the mud. In short, the run-in is always to achieve a kind of consummation.
03 Marriage is like a team, and the same qi is strong
As the saying goes, "horses have no night grass and no fat, and people have no foreign wealth and no wealth", and the "foreign wealth" here refers to a reasonable and legitimate way to obtain more wealth by using brains and strength and legal investment and operation. In the same way, a marriage that is strong and strong for a long time requires both spouses to first set a common goal, and then invest in the business together.
In the book, the Gordons repeatedly propose the need to establish a "common" goal in marriage, and two people work toward a common goal to go far. Gordon and Catherine have a common belief, they will pray together in times of contradiction and confusion, make specific prayers for their marriage, then reflect and repair the relationship, and finally reach a tacit understanding to eliminate the gap between the two. When encountering common career transitions, family dilemmas and children's education, they will also face them together, rather than complaining, they will adhere to the principle of solving problems together, and do not waste time and energy in useless arguments.
For example, in the education of children, when the wife is tricky, she will ask her husband for help, and the two people will become co-workers to coordinate and discuss at this time. Catherine likens her marriage to three strands of rope: herself, her husband, and a common faith.
We know that a chopstick is easy to break, and a chopstick is difficult to break, and the rope composed of three forces in the same direction is incomparably strong.
In fact, the husband and wife are not only an independent individual, but also a team. The members of the team can only achieve the goal quickly and well if they work together, the centripetal force of the team is also crucial, and the core of the team is "seeking common ground", and the continuous efforts of the team will be stronger and stronger.
04 written at the end
Marriage is never a one-man affair, nor is it poetic, it requires too many trials, quarrels and betrayals, parenting disagreements, financial constraints and other issues. Every problem and test can lead to the point where marriage is in crisis. Two imperfect people come together, learn to "seek common ground while reserving differences", learn to "compromise and reflect" and learn to "achieve mutual achievements", exert their own strength positively, experience laughter and bravely meet challenges together, in order to make marriage as old as "lasting" mellowness.
Where there are so many happy marriages in the world, in fact, most good marriages are more about repairing and empowering themselves while disagreeing, so as to achieve a successful marriage and interpersonal relationships.
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Author: Sincerely
Public number: The reason for knowing the heart