01
It is said that to love someone, you need to have a sense of distance.
But where does the distance come from? Are two people occasionally separated from each other, or are they separated for a long time? No one can say it clearly, and there seems to be no conclusion.
Host Lu Yu said: "In the face of misunderstood love and life, the only thing we can do is to try our best to live according to our own wishes, not to be swayed by anyone's will." ”
In fact, the sense of distance is the freedom from the heart, the true experience of life, and does not kidnap the self because of loving someone.
Therefore, it can be judged that the person who truly loves you will never control you.
02
People who love you won't dictate your career.
One of my classmates, Lao Zhang, has been working as a teacher in the countryside since he graduated from college. My wife used to be a teacher, but she quit her job ten years ago and opened a beauty salon in the city.
Now, Lao Zhang's income is less than one-third of his wife's, which is very pessimistic.
Once, Lao Zhang invited his classmates to dinner. He said that he really did not want to be a teacher, the job was very simple, but the income was too low, mainly because he was not worthy of the "one" at home.
Lao Zhang's wife smiled and said, "I haven't abandoned you, how can I have such a thought?" ”
Think about it, if couples, because of different occupations and large income gaps, hate each other, then life will not be able to pass.
In many families, the wife has become a housewife, there is no income for a penny, and if the man abandons her, the wife must be disgraced.
Husbands and wives get along, as long as they are very diligent, no matter what kind of work they do, it doesn't matter. Even work such as sweeping the streets deserves respect.
The person who hates that you have too little income and too ordinary work must not love you enough. If he forces you to jump ship and start a business, as long as there is an unexpected ending, life will be in trouble. Even if you find a job with a good salary, you will feel bad because you "don't like it".
03
People who love you won't pick at your flaws.
People are flawed and will grow old.
If the people around you want to criticize you, you can list dozens of "reasons" at any time.
Actor Chen Shu once wrote on Weibo: "I picked my own faults for 30 years, and finally liked myself. ”
Chen Shu, a clean and noble woman, no matter what role she plays, will make people shine. In "Iron Pear Blossom", she is a special character in the turbulent situation, one moment is a cheongsam beauty, one moment is a country girl, the other is the shape of a middle-aged person, changing back and forth, she is someone else, not the real self.
Life is like a drama, all rely on acting skills. When people reach a certain age, they will want to be simple themselves more and more, and no longer live for anyone.
If you fall in love with someone, you desperately cater to it and hide your shortcomings deeply. It is destined to be very tired, and slowly there will be a feeling of escape.
The shortcomings of life, once picked up by others, become an ugly label that is difficult to tear off. People who really love you will accept these "labels" and even regard shortcomings as advantages, which is the truth of "loving the house and wu".
Let's say your eyes are small, and he thinks you're a good-looking woman who laughs, just doesn't smile, and your eyes are crooked and good-looking.
Critical, not love, but mockery. A good marriage means that everyone can let go of themselves and appropriately accommodate each other, without hindering each other's freedom.
04
The person who loves you won't always argue with you.
There is a story in "Laughing Forest Guangji": the wife is very hungry, and when she speaks, she also has food in her mouth.
On a snowy day, my husband asked, "How does the snow fall?" ”
The wife said, "It's as thick as a pancake." ”
He also said, "As thick as a twist flower." ”
The husband was furious and raised his tongs, ready to hit someone. The wife hurriedly said: "If you hit me with twist flowers, your mouth will become like a bun..."
The husband put down the fire tongs and could only laugh.
There is a saying in the Tao Te Ching: "The way of heaven is to win without controversy." ”
Life is short, it is not enough to love each other well, where there is time to quarrel. If the people around you are against you everywhere and have to win or lose everything, then he is trying to "influence your words".
You say spring is warm, he says it's wet; you say summer is sweltering, he says rainbow sky... Everyone has their own words, they have the logic of speaking, why should they be controlled by others?
People who love you will definitely agree with you, even if you are wrong, they will pretend to be confused and laugh it off. Language can be coordinated in order to say a lifetime of nonsense.
05
People who love you will not hate your three views.
A couple with three different views is simply a disaster.
Everyone wants to influence each other's thoughts, so that the other party can do something, say something, and interact with whom according to their own will.
You envy the sea in the east, he loves the mountains in the west. If no one is willing to give up their own direction, then they can only go their separate ways and go their separate ways to see the scenery.
People who love you will first accompany you to see the scenery you like, and then invite you to see the scenery he likes.
Taking care of each other is a hundred times better than checking and balancing each other.
Why do many couples have different dreams in the same bed? It is not that they have no food to eat, nor that they are displaced, but that there is a gap in thinking, and they are too deeply tied to each other, which leads to signs of "mutual indifference". Perhaps, after a period of separation, each of them can realize their wishes, and they can change their minds.
06
Song Xiaobao said in a sketch: "I have nothing, but I love you very much." ”
It's a feeling to love very much, but don't sway each other. If you love too deeply, then slowly alienate, keep a certain distance, and let love become a thought.
Zhuangzi told a story: a large seabird stopped on the outskirts of Luguo. Lu Hou liked the bird very much, invited it to the Taimiao Temple, and sent it wine and lamb every day.
The seabird was so frightened that it did not dare to eat anything, and died three days later.
Heck, it's the nature of the bird to soar in the sky and then catch small fish and shrimp freely, without being disturbed by anyone. Lu Hou loved it too much, and did not respect its nature, which was really sad.
In real life, we are all "seabirds" who need to be cared for, but we don't want to meet Lu Hou.
Free love, free to stay together, free to separate, free to grow old, such love, is never separated, right?
Don't restrict anyone in the name of love.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.