Wen Shu Mei Ma is very handsome Cultivate a good brain Episode 6
The ancients had clouds," a good word warmed three winters, and a bad word hurt people in June. ”
In a word, it can be a warm sun that warms people's hearts, or it can hurt people invisibly sharp knives.
The power of language is infinite, so what kind of words are placed in what kind of situations, which can vigorously develop the child's brain? Mei Mom combined brain science knowledge today, summed up 3 very magical words, if parents can use skillfully, the child's IQ and emotional intelligence may be able to raise a lot! In order to make it easier to understand, it is recommended that you read Episode 5 (How does the concentration of Xueba come from?) After knowing how the brain produces concentration, I suddenly realized), and then come back to watch episode 6!
The first sentence, "I feel so much looking forward to it!" ”
There is a self-disciplined bully in the family, that is called a cool ah. Without parental attention, without parental urging, learning can easily enter the state, and you can also maintain a state of concentration for a long time.
Why can Xueba be like white phosphorus, without the help of external forces, he can burn on his own?
This is because they get the right response from their parents from an early age.
What is a right response?
For example, a child sees a snail, thinks it's cute, and happily shows it to you. Ordinary parents will think, isn't it just a snail?
But insightful parents will think that this is a good time to develop their child's concentration.
So, they responded to the child with a warm emotion, "You are very excited to see such a cute snail, right?" ”
The child got the recognition from his parents, told his parents to take the snail home as a pet, and could not wait to share his plan, such as how to decorate the snail as a small home, at this time the parents made a very expectant expression, "This dress must be very good, feel good looking forward to ah!" ”
Brain scientists say that the starting point of concentration is "interested," "liked," and "moved."
When children express their opinions, ideas or observations, if parents can respond positively to their children, resonate with their children's emotions, make him feel understood and recognized, and have the desire to continue to explore, they can activate the retributive nervous system and get more motivation to learn.
The compensatory nervous system is the reward center of the brain, and those who learn to learn are motivated by constantly activating this brain region.
Second sentence, "I still love you"
Remember a psychologist once said that it is much easier to raise a healthy child than to repair a broken adult.
I understand that parents are also flesh and blood, and in the face of children who lose their temper, no matter how good their temper is, they can't help but yell at their children.
As a child who grew up yelling, I also understood how traumatic the yelling of my parents would be, so I blamed myself every time I lost my temper.
In the constant reflection, I finally found a balance point, although I could not stop the storm from coming, but at least let the storm be gentler, let the child listen to my words, and minimize the trauma.
For example, a child wants to drink his favorite yogurt, but his throat is inflamed and he can't drink it. I calmly said to him, "I can't drink it now, and I'll give it to you when you have a cold." ”
The child did not listen and shouted "I want to drink yogurt!" ”
My blood pressure suddenly rose, but I still pressed the impulsive flame, "I have already said, wait until you are well!" ”
The child still did not forgive, "I want to drink now!" ”
The two people were getting more and more excited, and seeing that the scene was about to get out of control, I quickly took a deep breath and said to the child, "Yogurt is sour and sweet, and it must be cool to drink a cup!" I wish you hadn't gotten sick so I could get you enough of it! ”
Amazingly, when I confront the problem, say how the child feels, and express my understanding, his emotions can be eased.
Later, I learned that when a child loses his temper, saying some empathetic words to the child can help the child reconnect the rational brain and the emotional brain, so as to achieve the effect of soothing severe emotions.
Of course, not every time the timing is so accurate, sometimes before I can think about how to control the scene, the child erupts violently like a volcano, and I am completely provoked, and I can't help but yell at the child.
At this point I would take another approach to remedy this: pull him to the demarcated "cool zone" and I watched him make trouble.
At this time, do not tell the child the big truth, because his rational brain and emotional brain are in a "short circuit" state, at this time, the child can not listen to the speech, but the more noisy and fierce.
When his mood is almost calm, I will go over, give the child a hug, let him feel my empathy, and tell him: "Just now you are out of control, your mother can't hold back, and I can't hold back my emotions, and I yelled at you when my emotions were out of control, but my mother still loves you!" ”
Then he analyzed the reasons for not giving him yogurt and the two people's emotional loss of control, and said that his mother had not done a good job in emotional management just now and was willing to make progress with him.
The purpose of this is to help the child understand his feelings, tell the child what is emotional loss of control (this is an important part of emotional management, let the child know what is emotional loss of control and not ilpkh is important), let the child know that you still love him, and can reduce the trauma caused by yelling.
At the beginning, you and the child may not do well, but practice can make skill, after a lot of practical training, your and the child's emotional regulation ability will become stronger and stronger, self-control and emotional intelligence will also be greatly improved.
The third sentence, "You are the trump card of our family!" ”
A mother left a message telling me, "My child is like a deflated balloon, and he can't do anything." ”
After some questioning, it was found that the mother often denied the child. For example, when a child wants to challenge a new thing, she will always pour cold water on the child coldly, "This is too difficult, you can't do it!" ”
People love to listen to good words, and the brain also loves to listen to good words. We have something in our brain called the "A10 nervous system," and its job is to distinguish between likes and dislikes, safety and fun.
What the child wants to do, the parents are accustomed to using negative words, resulting in the brain receiving information with negative emotions, and finally being intercepted by the A10 nervous system.
Because this information cannot enter the rewarding nervous system, the brain cannot self-reward, the child does not experience the "taste of success", and the child becomes a person who is not interested in anything over time.
Therefore, when parents communicate with their children, they should say more words that can arouse their children's motivation.
For example, the child wants to build a fighter jet out of building blocks, but he can't build it for a long time, and he is a little frustrated in the middle and wants to give up, you give the child a little hint, and then say to him, "You are the trump card of our family!" This little difficulty, it must not be difficult for you! ”
While he was waiting for your praise with his booty, you said to him enthusiastically, "Ace shot, sure enough, it's not ordinary!" I said it, I can definitely think of a good way to build it out! ”
This kind of just the right way of encouragement can not only stimulate the child's motivation and potential, but also form a growth mindset, so that he understands that success is the result of acquired efforts.
A little summary
Parents want their children to become the dragon and phoenix among people, to become a charismatic person. But before that, parents should learn to pay attention to their children's emotional changes and learn how to talk to their children, so that his tree of wisdom can absorb enough nutrients, can work hard, and eventually become a towering tree. When his intelligence and emotional intelligence reach a certain height, he has the opportunity to become a group of people who are outstanding!
Although the 3 sentences just mentioned look ordinary, as long as parents know how to fit the rules of the brain and put them in the right situation, they can play a magical effect.
Therefore, when parents talk to their children, they must condense what they say!