Xiaoyan is divorced. Despite her bitter pleading with her husband, she could not resist his resoluteness and walked out of the marriage in frustration.
Xiaoyan and her husband are college classmates, and the two have been in love for nearly five years before entering marriage, which can be said to know the roots. Xiao yan is beautiful and kind. The husband is a good man in everyone's eyes, diligent and dedicated. Everyone said that they were a pair of talented women and made in heaven.
After marriage, for the sake of her husband's career, Xiaoyan almost undertook all the housework, and the children's growth and education did not let her husband intervene, but she had full authority to contract. Usually, she is frugal and reluctant to buy things for herself, and spends all her money on her husband and son. She thought that by doing so, her husband would be very grateful and would be doubly kind to himself.
But the truth is, the situation is completely different from what she expected. A few years after marriage, her husband was still grateful to her, and then he took it for granted. Occasionally, if she did not cook on time, did not clean the house, and did not iron and flatten her husband's washed clothes, she would be complained and reprimanded by him.
Xiao Yan's dedication did not harvest the feelings she wanted, which made her more and more suffering from gains and losses, and her mood was depressed. Especially when I saw that my face was gradually losing, my husband's career was getting better and better, and my heart was full of insecurity. She began to sneak up on her husband's cell phone and kept calling to urge him when he wasn't home on time.
Their relationship eventually came to an end. Her husband mentioned divorce to her, Xiaoyan cried, made trouble, and even doubled her husband's kindness, trying to save the marriage, but she could not touch a heart that had cooled.
Xiao Yan really didn't understand: What did she do wrong? It would make the husband so desperate.
In Xiaoyan's marriage, at the beginning, they were talented and feminine, and the matching degree was very high. But with the continuation of the marriage, Xiaoyan continues to pay and hollow herself out, but her husband is constantly developing his career and expanding his personal connections. They are taking two completely opposite paths, one is consuming themselves, the other is precipitating themselves, and such a marriage will eventually be seriously unbalanced.
For Xiaoyan's husband, Xiaoyan's initial efforts made him feel a sense of satisfaction and gratitude. From the perspective of human nature, when a thing becomes a habit, it becomes taken for granted in the eyes of the person concerned. For Xiaoyan's husband, Xiaoyan's dedication eventually led him to define her as a nanny in the family, with no other value.
Writer Zhou Ling once said: "If you are always in a state of unilateral over-giving and not getting a response from others, this does not mean that others are not good to you, it is just a mirror that tells you that you are not perfect enough." A better strategy at this time is to base on the long term and try to change. There will always be a day when someone will be willing to take the initiative to approach you even if you don't give. ”
A good relationship comes together by attracting each other. For women, only by constantly improving their own value is the basis for maintaining the stability of marriage.
This reminds me of a blind date show I watched some time ago. After the death of his wife, the 58-year-old brother Qin, because he had not done housework and could not cook, wanted to find a partner who could take care of his old age.
Red Niang introduced him to 52-year-old Fan Jie. Fan Jie's monthly retirement salary is more than 2,000 yuan, looking for a wife, in order to help her own life, Qin Brother's monthly salary is more than 5,000 yuan, which makes her very fond. She told Big Brother Qin that although she didn't know how to cook, she could learn for Big Brother Qin, and now there are many videos on her mobile phone teaching people to cook, which will definitely satisfy Big Brother Qin.
Faced with such a promise, Big Brother Qin still disagreed. He thinks that Fan Jie's appearance is somewhat old, and in her personality, there is no feminine tenderness and no excellent cooking skills, which cannot be accepted by him.
Then, The Red Lady introduced him to the 60-year-old Sister Mei. Mei Jie often practices yoga, also brings yoga classes, and has a monthly retirement salary of 3800 yuan. She wanted to find someone who could accompany each other, usually, to clean up at home, and make a hot meal for her to eat when she returned from class.
When Big Brother Qin first saw Sister Mei, he was deeply attracted to her, and she had a figure and temperament that he liked. After learning about Sister Mei's mate selection conditions, Big Brother Qin quickly promised that he would not be able to cook now, and if they were together in the future, he would learn to do it for Sister Mei according to the cooking tutorial on the video.
Haha, who said that men don't understand romance, don't care about people, but they are not attracted. In front of the person he likes, he can overturn the previous mate selection conditions, change his living habits for many years, and do anything as long as he is willing to do it.
After hearing Brother Qin's promise, Sister Mei was a little confused and asked him: Can't you even cook home-cooked food? So your ex-wife was sick, who cooked for her? Elder Brother Qin replied: In the past, even if his ex-wife was sick, he would give him a good meal before going to rest.
Big Brother Qin's words made Sister Mei chill, such a cold and thin man, she must never come with him. Sister Mei found a reason to leave the room. Big Brother Qin still followed behind, insisting: If you are willing to follow me, all my salary will be handed over to you to manage. But Sister Mei did not hesitate and resolutely left.
Sister Mei has a retirement salary, has hobbies, and is independent enough materially or spiritually. Looking for a wife is just the icing on the cake. She understands her own needs, can distinguish between good and evil, and will never settle for life.
A woman who can manage her own image, has a clear mind, is clear about right and wrong, and knows what she wants will always stand in the active position of life and become the master of her own life.
There is a passage in "Cognitive Drive": When you only have the emotional card of "giving" in your hand, you can only unilaterally overdraft yourself, and the consequence of overdrafting yourself is to make yourself lose your attraction. Once you lose attraction, you fall into a vicious circle of continuing to give.
People who play the "pay card" usually have something to ask for, so they will have a strong giving mentality when interacting with people, and this mentality tends to make themselves feel painful and make others feel heavy. Not only that, but blindly paying also makes them have less heart and energy to improve themselves and improve themselves.
Many women have a misconception in marriage that the more they give, the more grateful they are. Therefore, after marriage, often for the sake of family harmony, they are willing to sacrifice themselves and become others.
If the essence of relationship is an attraction, the essence of marriage is a value exchange. Two people in a marriage, if each person has exchange resources in their hands, such a marriage is often more stable. When blindly paying for yourself in marriage, not charging, not improving yourself, with the passage of time, the face is old, the only advantage is gone, there is nothing to exchange.
If a woman wants to be happy in marriage, she must improve her sense of value and make herself valuable in order to be in an active position in marriage. The value, in addition to the factor of economic independence, is also spiritual independence, can have their own career, their own circles, their own business hobbies, can ensure that happiness will be self-sufficient, without the need for others to give alms.
Confident women are often perfect, independent, and have nothing to ask for from others. Even if they want to be nice to another person, it is purely out of pure love for you, there will be no other reason, and they will not expect the other half to reciprocate. This will make men feel relaxed and happy when interacting with them, so as to take the initiative to approach them.
Being able to love herself first and others later is the right way for a woman to open up in marriage. To maintain their own image, increase their knowledge, cultivate their hobbies, and make friends who are beneficial to their growth. Instead of focusing all your attention on a man, hoping to exchange his care for you by being good to him, such a result, there is a high probability of disappointment.