As a new mom, how do you face a temporary separation from your child?

When I was six months old, I chose to work for a business near my home.

At that time, the child did not understand what temporary separation was, and he was anxious in the face of the eight hours when his mother disappeared. As a mother, I am also anxious to see my child crying in the face of separation.

Looking back on myself at that time, I didn't learn enough parenting knowledge to arm myself.

Recently, when I was watching "Your Parent-Child Relationship Is Worth Tens of Millions" by Mommy Rice Cake, in the chapter on children's sense of security, I remembered my helpless self in the past.

As new moms, what should we do in the face of temporary separation from our children?

The mother of the rice cake said that in the face of the temporary separation from the child, in order to make the child emotionally stable and have a full sense of security, the parents themselves must first have a good attitude and do not think too seriously about the separation from the child.

When they have to face separation, many mothers, because they are afraid of their children crying, will sneak away without him paying attention, or trick him into coming back immediately. As everyone knows, sneaking away and making wild promises will only hurt the child's sense of security even more.

Even, in the face of separation, some mothers cry more than their children, which makes children feel anxious about separation.

Emotions are contagious, and children's sense of security mainly comes from parents.

When parents tell their children in advance where they are going, and then say goodbye to him calmly and firmly, and at the same time, if they promise him when they will come back, they must do it, so that the child may not be so anxious about separation.

In fact, what hurts the child's sense of security is not the separation from the mother for a certain period of time, but the sudden interruption of the connection with the mother, the uncertainty of "not knowing when the mother will come back", which will make the child have great anxiety.

To eliminate the child's uneasiness, it is necessary to keep the parent-child connection uninterrupted.

So every time she goes out, Mochi's mother will prepare in advance, tell Mochi her travel time and itinerary, where and what she is doing every day; after going out, even if she is not around him, she can accompany him in other ways.

For example, when the rice cake was small, the rice cake mother would record an audio for him before going out; when he was older, she would let him go to the designated place every day to find a "gift": the cabinets on the first few floors of the kitchen; a book hidden in a rice cooker with a "secret code" between him and his mother.

Finally, the love of parents is the solid backing of children's sense of security. When this love is enough, when we are separated from the child, the child will not be anxious because of the lack of love.

We can't accompany the child all the time, step by step, instead of tossing ourselves in the guilt of not being able to accompany the child, worrying that the child will not feel safe leaving him, it is better to give the child enough love and let him know that even if we are not by his side and are not with him, our love has never been absent.

To sum up, in the face of a temporary separation from the child, what parents should do is to inform in advance + maintain the connection, say goodbye to him calmly and resolutely when separated, and promise to come back within what time, giving the child a full sense of certainty.