I love you, which is the premise of empathy with children

When your child has negative emotions or bad behavior, experts will tell you: empathy! Crouch down, listen, agree with your child's feelings, allow him to express his emotions, and then you can harvest a good child who is reasonable and well-behaved.

However, it is not easy to really do these two words, even if you usually respect and understand your children, you will become a simple and rude parent because you desperately want to make your children not cry.

Mom Rice Cake mentioned in "Your Parent-Child Relationship Is Worth Tens of Millions" that for more parents, the bigger problem is to put the cart before the horse and use empathy as a tool to tame their children.

As long as the body crouches down and the ears hear the child's words, is it empathy? As long as you say "I know you hurt", can you really feel what your child feels?

Are we "identifying with the child's feelings and allowing him to express his emotions" just using our tolerance to make the child obedient?

Therefore, many parents are only willing to squat down and "empathize" with their children when they are in trouble.

And when the child is really eager to communicate, he finds that his parents do not care about his true feelings, but just take the opportunity to preach.

As a result, the child will become more and more angry and foolish, because the parents only care about whether they listen or not, but not pay attention to themselves.

For example, in the face of children's tantrums, many parents always feel that saying "mom knows you're angry", "mom knows you're in pain", "mom knows you're sad" is empathy.

Moreover, sometimes these parents not only do not understand the reasons behind their children's emotions, but also pick up a sentence of "but how should you still be".

For children, such "empathy" is just a perfunctory oral expression of parents, and their feelings are not understood at all.

So, what should parents do to be truly empathetic?

Mom's view of mochi is: "I love you", which is the premise of empathy.

Empathy is never a way of speaking, a means, and there should be no end in sight.

It should be a bridge of spiritual communication between us and our children, a process of emotional flow and sharing.

Once this flow is blocked, we become "monster mothers" in the eyes of our children.

The child craves our attention and understanding all the time, always trying to make himself better and do what the adult wants him to do.

What about us?

Can you calm down and listen to your child's voice and identify with his feelings?

Parents don't have to feel 100% empathy, but they can tell their children: I'm with you.

This process allows us and the child to be sure of each other: I love you.

The child is really smart, and they all know whether the adults are really treating his feelings.

They were also well aware that no one could replace his suffering.

But when he is in pain, someone understands him and someone accompanies him, which is good.

What the child wants, that's all.

Thinking about it today, as a parent, is your empathy motivated by understanding your child, or is it to make him obedient?