Children disobey, is punishment useful?

When he came home from work, the child took his classmates and threw the toys to the ground.

After your child's classmates leave, you ask him to pack up the toys, and the child does not cooperate.

If parents happen to encounter unpleasant things in the company, they may choose to scold or punish their children at the moment to let their children cooperate.

But does punishment work? Is there any other way?

The mother of rice cake mentioned in "Your Parent-Child Relationship Is Worth Tens of Millions" that it seems to be very principled to let children learn lessons through punishment, but it is actually wrong.

The most important premise for making the child responsible for his own behavior is to use the words and logic that the child can understand to explain to him clearly.

When parents say to a 4-year-old child, "The toys you pour out yourself, you have to be responsible for cleaning them up", so that there is no problem in speaking to the child, but parents should understand that learning to take responsibility is a growth process for the child; more importantly, we cannot mistakenly equate punishment with teaching the child to be responsible.

Punishing the child, except for making the child feel uncomfortable and afraid, does not do any good for the child.

Punishment does not make the child understand the "responsibility", but because of the psychological fear and physical pain, the child has a deep shadow on the matter.

When the child is young, the method of punishment may still work; but as the child grows older, the method becomes less and less effective, and the child will become less and less concerned and more and more difficult to discipline.

Because the pain makes the child feel: I have paid the price, this is very fair.

Replace education with punishment, and the child will always remember only punishment.

So, what should parents do so that children can learn to be responsible?

The view of the rice cake mother in "Your Parent-Child Relationship Is Worth Tens of Millions" is that any educational method should not be premised on limiting the child's current physiological needs.

Thirsty do not let drink water, hungry do not let eat, sleepy do not let sleep, this kind of "long memory" method, are headaches, foot pain, will not let the child understand where they are wrong.

Back to the above example of parents wanting to let children pack their own toys, why are children reluctant to cooperate with parents?

The reason for this is that the child does not feel the consequences of not picking up the toys, he knows that someone will help him clean up, and even he does not feel that this is his responsibility.

If you want to teach your child to be responsible, you must let him understand: what responsibility is, and how to do it is responsible.

For children to learn to pack their own toys, you can refer to the practice of an American mother.

An American mother has several children, each with a lot of toys, but no one wants to clean up on their own. She came up with a way to make a "toy prison" out of a large hanging cage. Every day, after the child goes to bed, the toys that are not put away will be locked up in this prison and cannot play for a week.

Toys are locked up in a "toy prison", if the child wants to play, no matter how he plays, he will not compromise, this is the way to help him understand the responsibility as a parent.

There is another feasible way, parents use the way of play with their children to clean up the toys, to see who cleans up more, clean up quickly, the enthusiasm of the child to clean up the toys can be mobilized.

Finally, in teaching children to be responsible, what we parents have to do is to let children see responsibility with actions, help him understand the consequences of irresponsibility with persistence, and form a binding force with results.

It is necessary to have both a kind attitude and a firm guidance, which is also the essence of parenting.