Some time ago, at about 8 a.m., on line 7 of the Beijing subway, a mother punished her child in front of everyone. She pinched the child's face fiercely, used her mobile phone to knock off the hat in the child's hand, and made the child kneel. Some people could not look past it and persuaded each other, and the mother not only did not appreciate it, but also replied: "I said my child, I want him to do what I want to do." ”
After the video leaked, many people denounced the mother's approach. More child psychologists say that the educational practice of having children kneel in public has violated the latest laws. In public, it is more important to protect the child's self-esteem, and parents' respect and understanding of the child can awaken the child's introspection and self-love.
Maybe this kid did make a big mistake, maybe his mom was so angry that she lost her mind. It is not that children who make mistakes cannot be criticized and punished, but they must pay attention to ways and methods. Because excessive punishment, especially in front of everyone, punishing the child will bring harm to the child.
Punishing a child in public can dampen the child's self-esteem and lead to a child's inferiority complex.
When children are young, they mostly know themselves the way others treat them. Adult punishment will make the child think that they are bad and worthless. Some parents frequently criticize their children for being "nasty", "disobedient", and "ignorant", and this kind of labeling behavior will make children agree.
The mother let the child kneel in public, which is actually a humiliation of the child. This humiliating punishment can seriously damage a child's self-esteem. The child's submissive performance also reflects his inferiority complex, he feels that he is really bad and should be treated in this way, this psychology may affect his life.
Regular punishment by adults can make children fearful and insecure.
Punishment is actually an adult who controls the child's behavior by creating fear, which can easily make the child panic and even escape when doing things. They would rather not do it than face the danger of being punished, which will affect their initiative and spirit of exploration.
Some children, because of homework errors, will be criticized by adults, they choose not to do. For them, not doing homework will be criticized, doing homework mistakes will be criticized more, it is better to give up. If adults are very strict and children are forced to do something, they will appear to be trembling, looking forward, unable to concentrate on the matter at hand, which will not only reduce the efficiency of doing things, but also make the probability of error greater.
Adult punishment can bring a lot of emotional problems to children and affect their personality development.
Some children, after being punished, although they listen to adults on the surface, but their hearts are very angry. They dare not vent to adults, but may choose to bully weaker individuals to vent their emotions, and the famous "kicking cat effect" in psychology is this truth.
Adult punishment will make children unable to get close to them, some children will choose to avoid the person who punished them, and some children will slowly accumulate anger in their hearts and retaliate. There are also many such cases in society, for example, children choose to stay away from home and parents when they grow up, some children have an incompatible relationship with their parents after entering puberty, and some children treat their parents in an extreme way. Many children's personality problems are related to the excessive punishment they received as children.
The punishment of adults sets a wrong example for children, but does not really help children.
In general, the purpose of adults punishing children is to make them correct their wrong behavior. But punishment is a way of just letting the child know what not to do and not telling them what to do. In fact, it is more important than stopping wrong behavior that adults should tell children what kind of behavior is good and accepted, and the correct demonstration of adults is more meaningful than punishment.
For example, a child accidentally breaks a cup while fetching milk, and the milk spills on the ground. Punitive parents will be very angry, accuse their children of being sloppy and punish them. Instead, guided parents will understand their children's mistakes and show them what to do in the process of holding the milk cup to avoid mistakes. It is clear that the latter parent's approach is more helpful to the child.
Children make mistakes that are unavoidable, parents' reactions are critical, punishment is not a good way to solve the problem, and public humiliation of children is even more wrong.
Punishment is not the end, the real purpose is to help the child progress and grow. Improper punishment not only fails to help the child correct the wrong behavior, but also causes harm to the child.
This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to pay attention to, like, comment, the article is not reprinted.