1. Introduction today
Text/Leaflet
Hello, I'm anchor cuckoo. Today, I will continue to read the book "Who Says Boys Are Bad to Raise".
Yesterday we shared how to raise a responsible boy with empathy and responsibility. Empathy skills include high self-esteem and empathy.
High self-esteem can make boys calm in the face of difficulties, and empathy can make them develop good behavior habits. Learn to empathize, have empathy, have empathy, and help children better interact with others.
Secondly, we have also learned that to cultivate children's sense of responsibility, we must start from doing housework, starting from small things, doing our own things, learning to take responsibility, and doing a good job in self-management.
The ultimate purpose of these is to cultivate the child's independence and cultivate the child to become a person who is physically and mentally healthy, has a sound personality, and dares to take responsibility.
However, in the process of children's growth, children will always make mistakes, and it is easy to make the same mistakes often, so when children do wrong things, how should we parents deal with them?
On the road to growth, boys will have more probability of making mistakes than girls, and in their growth process, they need to be loved and respected by their parents, and they also need positive discipline from their parents. For parents, the main responsibility of educating their children is to teach their children how to behave.
What should we do to convince our children to listen to you and correct their own wrong behavior?
2. The manner of punishment
In the "Left Biography", it is said: "No one is a sage, and no one can be blameless." If you can change it, you can do it well. ”
In our lives and work, we adults will inevitably make some mistakes and violate some rules, let alone children who are ignorant and ignorant.
It is inevitable that children will make mistakes, and it is not terrible to make mistakes, but what is terrible is the way parents treat their children's mistakes. Incorrect discipline not only fails to make the child realize the essence of the error, but also makes the child suffer greater physical and mental harm.
When a child makes a mistake, we must first find out the root cause of the child's wrong behavior, rather than indiscriminately, first beat or scold, which is not only useless, but will be counterproductive.
After finding the real reason for the child's mistake, it is necessary to consider how to discipline the child is the most effective, whether it is necessary to impose punitive measures on the child, and it is easier to correct the child's bad behavior through that punishment.
The real punitive effect is that the child is able to self-reflect, recognize the mistake, and then correct his behavior. If after scolding and beating, you find that the child has not changed his own behavior, which shows that your method is wrong, and there is no point in you scolding him to beat him, at this time, you need to consider changing the way you punish.
Many psychologists have done research and found that children who are often severely punished by their parents at home grow up with excessive aggression and antisocial behavior. After being beaten by their parents, children often feel angry, frustrated, and hostile to others.
If every time the parents make a mistake in the child, the method of punishment is to scold, then the time is long, the child will also have a sample, see the child younger than themselves will also learn to fight and scold, and vent the anger and frustration in their hearts. At this time, the child will feel good, and this aggressive behavior will intensify with age.
Another side effect of severe punishment is the ability to produce an escape response. For example, you meet a friend somewhere, and he often chatters, and there is no one around, which annoys you. In the beginning, you will try to avoid contact with him, so that it will be easier.
These manifestations in children are to avoid being punished, to lie to their parents, or even to run away from home.
Also, whether the boy makes a mistake or not, remember not to nag.
For example, in the morning, children are not willing to get up, and the measures that mothers generally take are to nag loudly, let the child get up quickly, and when the child gets up, he will start a nagging meal to let the child brush his teeth, eat breakfast, and get dressed.
When the child returns home from school, he is nagging and asking the child whether the homework is done, grasping the homework after eating, and letting the child go to sleep quickly after doing the homework.
Moms hear this, you try to think about it, something like this, how many times a day do you have to say the same thing every day?
Under the overstimulation of nagging, nonsense, etc., many boys will turn a deaf ear to their mother's words. As a result, mothers complained and accused their children of disobedience.
Male and female brains are inherently different, and men cannot listen, speak, think, analyze information, and identify emotions at the same time as women do, and they cannot skillfully use both the left and right brains at the same time. If the boy's brain is surrounded by too much information at the same time, it will have to be temporarily closed and rested for a while because of the heavy burden.
Mom is female and is very good at verbal expression. But it is precisely because of this that many mothers use the advantages of language to use the nagging and even counting of their children, and the "nagging" of mothers will make children feel afraid.
So, how should we communicate and communicate with our children? The right way to open it is to talk less and do more, listen less, have more respect and trust in the child, and less blame and complain.
Mothers need to listen carefully than to talk about it.
Boys of any age, whether two or eighty, actually have such a strong need - when he has something to say, questions to ask, and has his own ideas to share, he always hopes that the other party can pay attention to himself, give him full respect, and listen carefully to his ideas or questions.
But the truth is that mothers say more than they hear, even to a toddler. Over time, children will no longer listen to their mothers, or even talk to their mothers again.
Boys don't say what you want to hear just to make you satisfied, reassured, or stop nagging, they'll be more willing to express their inner thoughts through actions rather than words. So, most boys will do, some opposite of what you expect, and the more you want him to do it, the more he'll do the opposite.
What should we do when a child makes a mistake so that the child knows where he is wrong and does not affect your relationship?
3. The method of wisdom punishment
Parents are the shadow of the child, the child is the epitome of the parent, before punishment, the parents must first consider their own behavior, whether there are those places that are not done wrong, so that the child learns, and they do not know.
When punishing them, there are three principles to be taken care of:
The first thing to do is to communicate in advance, and in order to make a punishment more effective, we need to make the consequences clear at the beginning. The measures and consequences of punishment have a certain preventive effect in themselves and can have a threatening effect. If parents communicate with their children in advance, children will naturally understand that those things can be done, those things cannot be done, and after doing them, they will bring about any adverse consequences, which will invisibly increase a psychological defense line and resist the impulse to make mistakes.
Of course, when the child is young, you may talk about it once, and he can't understand what you are saying to him. At this time, parents need to be patient, explain more to their children, and also in life, see similar things happening, instill these bad behaviors in their children, and what bad things will happen after doing it.
Secondly, to keep the bottom line, every family, when educating children, will have basic principles and clear bottom lines, especially for the requirements of being a person. We must insist on knowing the principles and bottom lines, and whenever the child's behavior touches the principles and bottom lines, we must punish them accordingly.
Parents should remind them more in front of their children about what behaviors cannot be done, and also tell their children the reasons why they cannot do it, and what harm will be done after doing it. If the child makes a mistake, he must follow the rules that were originally set, and cannot give up punishment because of certain people and certain things.
Finally, we must pay attention to the way, some parents like to use irony, sarcasm, and even ridicule in front of everyone when punishing their children. Thinking that in this way the child will obey, I don't know that doing so will make the child's self-esteem hurt more seriously.
People want faces, trees want bark, whether it is adults, or children, self-esteem needs to be cared for, even if the child makes a mistake, parents should pay attention to the way, distinguish the occasion, rather than directly scolding in front of everyone.
4. Knowledge points
Well, that's all we're going to share today, so let's review it together:
On the first day, we mainly talked about how to better release the high vitality of boys.
The next day, we learned how to develop children's empathy and sense of responsibility. Help them to cope calmly and interact better with people when facing difficulties.
On the third day, we learned how parents should be wise to punish when faced with children making mistakes.
Learn this book, we will have a certain understanding of raising boys, some of the unique characteristics of boys, we do not need headaches, but can use their characteristics to stimulate their vitality, so that they can better learn knowledge. Only by correctly treating children's mistakes can children understand where they are wrong, correct their wrong behavior, and become a person with a sound personality.
Is there any better way for you to raise boys? Welcome to leave a message to share.
Well, the content of the book "Who Says Boys Are Not Good" is all over here, congratulations on completing another book.
If you like today's content, don't forget to share it to the circle of friends or leave a message, more wonderful content I will continue to interpret for you, goodbye!
The golden sentence of this article:
1. Listening carefully is better than anything.
2, men and women are born different, do not expect men to be able to use both brains.
3, keep the bottom line is the key.