Think back to whether your parents said something to you that makes you feel hurt every time you think about it to this day. Psychological research has shown that the way parents communicate with us will become the way we learn to communicate with ourselves, the power of language plays an important role in family relations, will seriously affect our self-perception, self-esteem and emotional sustenance for others, this influence will accompany the child's life, as a parent, do not say the following 6 sentences that hurt the child the most.
The first "What's wrong with you?" ”
If your child's personality is in conflict with you, then stay with them, no matter how bad your mood is, control your temper and don't let the angry emotions sway you. Asking questions about "what's wrong with you" just because your child's performance isn't meeting your expectations will only hurt your child's self-esteem and cause them to question their self-worth.
Second, "I don't have time to spend with you now"
We all know that it is not easy to take care of your children as a parent, let alone take care of your own work, and the trivialities in life are a mess. So when you have to make a compromise between work and family, you must grasp the weight, do not just tell the child, there is no time to accompany them or you must leave now, pay attention to the way you speak, learn to explain to them in a way that does not hurt feelings, and find other times or methods to compensate them, otherwise the child will feel lonely and neglected, which will lead to loneliness in personality.
Third, "I wish you were more like this"
Hope son Jackie Chan, hope daughter ChengFeng is the heart of every parent, but should not compare their children with others, similar to "you look at other people's children", "can you learn to learn ××..." This seems to be a role model for children, not only will make children breed insecurity, competitiveness and jealousy, but also make them feel that they are not good enough in your heart, and your love for them needs to be fought for.
Fourth, "You've let me down too much"
If you want your children to be able to grow up to be independent and you support each other later in life, then give them enough support when they make mistakes, guide them to learn from them, and don't hit them because the children make mistakes or don't meet your standards, "You really let me down too much", "You really made me lose confidence", which will cause the child's personality to become weak, afraid, as a parent to guide them to occasional failures does not matter, no matter what happens, you are with them.
Fifth" "Why are you...."
"Why are you so bad on the test..." "Why don't you take it seriously..." "Why did you lose the game...", these why don't play any role, it will only make the child more disappointed in themselves, especially when they are trying to please you, this time ruining their self-esteem, turning them into neurotic perfectionists, always blaming themselves for a small mistake, just because your words make them feel that they can never make you satisfied.
Sixth, "What I say is what I say"
Extremely strict with the child, complete control, hoping that the child will abide by the rules you have made for them, and there is no room for negotiation and compromise, which will cause a lot of negative harm to the child, causing the child to be unsociable, withdrawn, unable to be independent, and some people will become radical, blind, reckless, and lying, no matter what, if just because you are a parent, tell the child that you must listen to you and obey your will, the child will resent you, and it is easy for conflicts between you.
So have you ever heard these words or said them to your children as a parent, remember that "hurtful words can only be forgiven, but they can never be forgotten."