If there are children in the family who are in the puberty stage of 12-16 years old, parents must pay attention! Adolescent children have large emotional fluctuations, will be particularly disgusted with some of the parents' behaviors and practices, easy to produce confrontation and conflict, if not handled properly, it is easy to cause extreme reactions to children, affecting the learning and life of the middle and high school stages.
So what behaviors of parents are most likely to make children disgusted?
Many parents may not pay attention to the habit of speaking, always feel that the child is still young, and when he opens his mouth, he is either accusing or picking faults, such as: How do you come back so late? Know how to play with your phone every day! What time is it and you can't get up? And so on these lips on the side of the words, many parents do not think so, in fact, these words from small to large children are tired of listening, said is equal to white, and adolescent children are also easy to be irritable, do not like to listen to nagging and accusations, in school are eager to argue with the teacher, home or can not be quiet, will make the child very disgusted.
Collude with the teacher, the teacher says what is what, do not consider the child's feelings, most parents are particularly afraid of the teacher to call, once they receive the teacher's call, it will be particularly nervous, especially if the teacher reflects the child's poor performance or learning problems, many parents after listening, at that time, a belly fire, back home, waiting for the child to come back from school, indiscriminately criticize education, stage a duet of political lessons.
In such a situation, some children may choose to be silent and aggrieved, some children will also choose to argue and fight, it seems that the children of the former are very obedient, do not refute, in fact, these children suppress their emotions in their hearts; the children of the latter are generally outgoing, argue according to reason, and have greater courage, but emotionally they will conflict with their parents, and some parents can't stand it and even choose motivation, resulting in a worse relationship.
Parents are cold and violent or quarrelsome, relationships are tense or indifferent, there is no warmth in the family, and adolescent children are actually very lonely, so they will choose to play with classmates and friends, and they do not want to communicate with their parents, because they want to establish their own interpersonal circles. However, there are also some family atmosphere is not very good, children can not feel the warmth of the home, but also can not experience the interaction between parents and mothers, the family is busy, very cold, they will self-guess all kinds of consequences, personality will become lonely, affecting their interpersonal skills.
Adolescent children hormone secretion is very strong, will have a good feeling for the opposite sex, but also will learn from their parents, at home to observe the father of this man and mother this woman between the way of interaction, when can not see the normal interaction and love of the exchange, they will think that the love in the world is indifferent, do not need romance and warmth, and then they will also have some views and plots on the likes and dislikes of the opposite sex.
Story Analysis:
My nephew is 12 years old this year, and his daily study life has begun to show behaviors such as adolescent rebellion, excessive autonomy, and lack of love to be disciplined. Although it is only some manifestations of adolescence, when paying attention to these changes in him, parents chatted with him, in fact, they expected to be able to figure out what the child was thinking, but the child's answer was: annoying! For example, disgusted with adults who say "children should listen to adults", I have grown up, why do my parents care about me so much? I just want to play games by myself, can't I go to my classmates to play? It is not interesting to go to relatives, but they want me to listen to the adults and follow?
Disgusted that adults checked my privacy, I never wanted to share anything with my mother after she said that one of my diaries was really funny. But my mother would lend me clothes to wash clothes, organize things, and look through my homework, belongings, and so on. Disgusted parents for not respecting their children's feelings and needs. I want to make friends also need to get the approval of my parents, those who can make which can not be made, why not tell the friend to hang up the phone? Everything was decided for me, I never asked how I felt, and my parents always gave me what I didn't need.
It's like a father who hears his son throw the door off with the words, "You never loved me!" "In the future, I am very sad," Obviously all the love is given to the child, and the child still says that the parents do not love? "Maybe this love is less respectful and understanding, and does not treat children as independent individuals like adults." Disgusted parents often say, "Growing into a big child, to have a big child," to have achievements, how well-behaved and progressive in front of outsiders, but they treat me as a child? It's annoying! "It's true that many parents have high hopes for their children.
When children grow up, expect them to achieve something, expect them to be independent but can't let go with love. Let the child grow like a child, the parents to guide and cultivate is enough, do not let the vanity of adults bring burdens to the child. In the face of children's behavior of disgusting adults, can parents only feel helpless and powerless? Just looking forward to the imminent end of puberty? Obviously this is inappropriate. First of all, adults should decipher puberty and know the growth characteristics and psychological changes of adolescent children, so as to know how to communicate in a way that is easier for adolescent children to accept.
Second, parents should change their mindset and the way they get along with their children, rather than always thinking about correcting their children. Dr. Jennielsen says that if children have full competence and responsibility, why do they need parents? In fact, children need parents until they are 18 years old. But we need to be aware that children need parents to develop their abilities and sense of responsibility rather than always correcting their children's behavior. Children grow up need parents to grow up synchronously, according to the child's performance to change their mentality and way of getting along with the child, so as to give guidance on the child's behavior.
Finally, let go with love and give your child the space and time to grow. A small tree needs sunshine and rain, as well as the swaying of strong winds and the blows of frost and snow, so that it can grow into a towering tree. If you are just sheltered under a tree, there is no room for growth and no time to practice, I believe that this can become a "material". Give children the space and time to grow, when they do not want their parents, they will quietly accompany each other, each of them is well, and give them timely help when the child needs their parents, feedback problems, overcome difficulties, and jointly face the goal of growth is the appropriate rhythm. May every family be harmonious and happy, and children grow up happily and healthily.
Conclusion:
Adolescent children are very curious and sensitive, is an important period for them to establish a personal world view, they are very good at producing their own views on the external world through some of the behaviors of parents, parents' words and deeds are affecting the child, parents' words and deeds determine the child's personality, behavior, habits, forming a defense line against the external world established in the child's life.
Parents can choose to be a positive motivating parent, to increase the child's confidence and motivation; you can also choose to be a full of verbal violence, combat accusation type parents, in the name of love every day to the child pour cold water, day by day to destroy the child's self-confidence, and finally turn the child into the last thing you want to see, but also what you want to look like, this sentence is a bit around, everyone understand it!